Asalamu alaikum sisters! Share your experiences here about hijab. Can you look back to see how you've improved? Or any thoughts regarding hijab can be shared here. No Soliciting is Allowed. Please do not paste URL's, but you can summarize.
Asalamu alaikum! Time for a change of page don't you think? Kinda gettin' tired of scrolling down so far to get to the last message, so here we are:) If you want to comment on past hijablogs you can click the button of at the top of the page to read past entries. To have an encore I will post a nice message a sister posted on "10 excuses people make to not wear hijab". Happy reading and wa alaikum salam
Sister Deneer
on
September 1, 2005
Excuse One: I’m not yet convinced (of the necessity) of hijaab. We then ask this sister two questions: 1: Is she truly convinced of the correctness of the religion of Islam? the natural answer is: Yes she is convinced for she responds "Laa ilaaha illallah!" (There is no god but Allah), meaning she is convinced of the aqeedah, and then she says: "Muhammadun rasoolullah!" (Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah), meaning by that that she is convinced of its legislation or law (Sharee’ah). Therefore, she is convinced of Islam as a belief system and a law by which one governs and rules their life. 2: Is the hijaab then a part of Islamic Law (Sharee’ah) and an obligation? If this sister is honest and sincere in her intention and has looked into the issue as one who truly wants to know the truth her answer could only be: Yes. For Allah ta’aala, Whose deity (Uloohiyyah) she believes in has commanded wearing hijaab in His Book (Al-Qur’an) and the noble Prophet (alayhe salaat wa salaam) whose message she believes in has commanded wearing the hijaab in his Sunnah. In summary: If this sister is convinced of Islam, how then can she not be convinced of its orders? Excuse Two: I am convinced of Islamic dress but my mother prevents me from wearing it and if I disobey her I will go to the Fire. The one who has answered this excuse is the most noble of Allah’s creation, the messenger of Allah (SAWS) in concise and comprehensive words of wisdom: "There is no obedience to the created in the disobedience of Allah." [Ahmad] The status of parents in Islam, especially the mother, is a high and elevated one. Indeed Allah ta’aala has combined it with the greatest of matters, worshipping Him and His Tawheed, in many aayaat. He stated: "Worship Allah and join none with Him and do good to parents." [Soorah An-Nisaa 4: 36]. Obedience to parents is not limited except in one aspect, and that is if they order to disobedience of Allah. Allah said:"But if they strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not." [Soorah Luqmaan 31: 15] The lack of obedience to them in sinfulness does not prevent being good to them and kind treatment of them. Allah said afterward in the same aayah: But behave with them world kindly. In summary: How can you obey your mother and disobey Allah Who created you and your mother? Excuse Three: My position does not allow me to substitute my dress for Islamic dress. This sister is either one or the other of two types: She is sincere and honest, or she is a slippery liar who desires to make a showy display of her "hijaab" clamoring with colors to be "in line with the times" and expensive". We will begin with an answer to the honest and sincere sister. Are you unaware my dear sister, that it is not permissible for the Muslim woman to leave her home in any instance unless her clothing meets the conditions of Islamic hijaab (Hijaab shar’ee) and it is a duty of every Muslim woman to know what they are? If you have taken the time and effort to learn so many matters of this world how then can you be neglectful of learning those matters which will save you from the punishment of Allah and His anger death!!? Does Allah not say: "Ask the people of remembrance (i.e. knowledgeable scholars) if you do not know." [Soorah An-Nahl 16: 43] Learn therefore, the requirements of proper hijaab. If you must go out, then do not do so without the correct hijaab, seeking the pleasure of Allah and the degradation of Shaitaan. That is because the corruption brought about by your going out adorned and "beautified" is far greater than the matter which you deem necessary to go out for. My dear sister if you are really truthful in your intention and correctly determined you will find a thousands hands of good assisting you and Allah will make the matter easy for you! Is He not the One Who says: "And whoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty) and He will provide him from sources he never could imagine." [Soorah At-Talaaq 65:2-3] With regards to the ‘slippery’ one we say: Honour and position is something determined by Allah ta’aala and it is not due to embellishment of clothing and show of colors and keeping up with the trendsetters. It is rather due to obedience to Allah and His Messenger (SAWS) and holding to the pure law of Allah and correct Islamic hijaab. Listen to the words of Allah: "Indeed, the most honourable amongst you are those who are the most pious." [Soorah Al-Hujraat 49: 35]. In summary: Do things in the way of seeking Allah’s pleasure and entering His Jannah and give less value to the high priced and costly objects and wealth of this word. Excuse Four: It is so very hot in my country and I can’t stand it. How could I take it if I wore the hijaab? Allah gives an example by saying: "Say: The Fire of hell is more intense in heat if they only understand." [Soorah At-Taubah 9:81]. How can you compare the heat of your land to the heat of the Hellfire? Know, my sister, that Shaitaan as trapped you in one of his feeble ropes to drag you from the heat of this world to the heat of the Hellfire. Free yourself from his net and view the heat of the sun as a favor and not an affliction especially in that it reminds you of the intensity of the punishment of Allah which is many times greater than the heat you now feel. Return to the order of Allah and sacrifice this worldly comfort in the way of following the path of salvation from the Hellfire about which Allah says: "They will neither feel coolness nor have any drink except that of boiling water and the discharge of dirty wounds." [Soorah An-Naba’ 78: 24-25]. In summary: The Jannah is surrounded by hardships and toil, while Hellfire is surrounded by temptations, lusts and desires. Excuse Five: I’m afraid that if I wear the hijaab I will put it off at another time because I have seen so many others do so!! To her I say: If everyone was to apply your logic then they would have left the Deen in its entirety! They would have left off salaat because some would be afraid of leaving it later. They would have left fasting in Ramadan because so many are afraid of not doing it later…etc. Haven’t you seen how Shaitaan has trapped you in his snare again and blocked you from guidance? Allah ta’aala loves continuous obedience even if it be small or recommended. How about something that is an absolute obligation like wearing hijaab?! The Prophet (SAWS) said: "The most beloved deed with Allah is the consistent one though it be little." Why haven’t you sought out the causes leading those people to leave of the hijaab so that you can avoid them and work to keep away from them? Why haven’t you sought out reasons and causes to affirm truth and guidance until you can hold firm to them? Among these causes is much supplication to Allah (du’aa) to make the heart firm upon the Deen as did the Prophet (SAWS). Also is making salaat and having mindfulness of it as Allah stated: "And seek help in patience and the prayer and truly it is extremely heavy except for the true believers in Allah who obey Allah with full submission and believe in His promise of Jannah and in His warnings (Al Khaashi’oon)." [Soorah Al-Baqarah 2:45] Other causes to put one upon guidance and truth is adherence to the laws of Islam and one of them is indeed wearing the hijaab. Allah said: "If they had done what they were told, it would have been better for them and would have strengthened their faith." [Soorah Al-Baqarah 2: 66]. In summary: If you hold tight to the causes of guidance and taste the sweetness of faith you will not neglect the orders of Allah after having held to them. Excuse Six: If I wear the hijaab then nobody will marry me, so I’m going to leave it off until then. Any husband who desires that you be uncovered and adorned in public in defiance of and in disobedience to Allah, is not a worthy husband in the first place. He is a husband who has no feeling to protect what Allah has made inviolable, most notably yourself, and he will not help you in any way to enter Al-Jannah or escape from the Hellfire. A home which is founded upon disobedience to Allah and provocation of His anger is fitting that He decrees misery and hardship for it in this life and in the Hereafter. As Allah stated: "But whosoever, turns away from My reminder (i.e. neither believes in the Qur’an nor acts upon its teachings) verily for him is a life of hardship and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection." [Soorah TaHa 20: 124] Marriage is a favor and blessing from Allah to whom He give whom He wills. How many women who wear hijaab (mutahajibah) are in fact married while many who don’t aren’t? If you were to say that ‘…my being made-up and uncovered is a means to reach a pure end, namely marriage’, a pure goal or end is not attained through impure and corrupt means in Islam. If the goal is honourable then it must necessarily be achieved by pure and clean method. We say the rule in Islam is: the means are according to the rules of the intended goals. In summary: There is no blessing in a marriage established upon sinfulness and corruption. Excuse Seven: I don’t wear hijaab based on what Allah says: "And proclaim the grace of your Rabb" [Soorah Ad-Dhuhaa 93: 11]. How can I cover what Allah has blessed me with of silky soft hair and captivating beauty?! So… this sister of ours adheres to the Book of Allah and its commands as long as they coincide with her personal desires and understanding! She leaves behind those matters when they don’t please her. If this was not the case, then why doesn’t she follow the aayah: "And do not show off their adornment except only that which is apparent" [Soorah An-Noor 24: 31] and the statement of Allah: "Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks all over their bodies." [Soorah Al-Ahzab 33:59] With this statement my sister you have now made a Shari’ah (law) for yourself of what Allah ta’aala has strictly forbidden, namely beautification (at-tabarruj) and uncovering (as-sufoor), and the reason: Your lack of wanting to adhere to the order. The greatest blessing or favor that Allah has bestowed upon us is that of Eemaan (faith) and hidaayah (guidance) and among them is the Islamic hijaab. Why then do you not manifest and talk about this greatest of blessings given to you? In summary: Is there a greater blessing and favor upon the woman than guidance and hijaab? Excuse Eight: I know that hijaab is obligatory (waajib), but I will wear it when Allah guidance me to do so. We ask this sister on what plans or steps she will undertake until she accepts this divine guidance? We know that Allah has in His wisdom made a cause or means for everything. That is why the sick take medicine to regain health, and the traveller rides a vehicle or an animal to reach his destination, and other limitless examples. Has this sister of ours seriously endeavored to seek true guidance and exerted the proper means to get it such as: Supplicating Allah sincerely as He stated: "Guide us to the Straight Path." [Soorah Al-Faatihaa 1: 6]; Keeping company with the righteous good sisters - for they are among the best to assist her to guidance and to continue to point her to it until Allah guides her and increases her guidance and inspires her to further guidance and taqwaa. She would then adhere to the orders of Allah and wear the hijaab that the believing women are commanded to wear. In summary: If this sister was really serious about seeking guidance she would have exerted herself by the proper means to get it. Excuse Nine: It’s not time for that yet. I’m still too young for wearing hijaab. I’ll do it when I get older and after I make Hajj ( Pilgrimage to Macca)! The Angel of Death my sister, is visiting and waiting at your door for the order of Allah ta’aala to open it on you at any moment in your life. Allah said: "When their term comes, neither can they delay it nor can they advance it an hour (or a moment)." [Soorah Al-An’aam 7:34] Death my sister doesn’t discriminate between the young or the old and it may come while you are in this state of great sinfulness disobedience, fighting against the Lord of Honour with your uncovering and shameless adornment. My sister, you should race to obedience along with those others who race to answer the call of Allah tabaaraka wa ta’aala: "Race with one another in hastening towards forgiveness from your Lord and Paradise the width whereof is as the width of the heavens and the earth." [Soorah Al-hadeed 57:21] Sister, don’t forget Allah or He will forget you by turning His mercy away from you in this life and the next. You are forgetting your own soul by not fulfilling the right or your souls to obey Allah and proper worship of Him. Allah stated about the hypocrites (Al-Munaafiqoon): "And be not like those who forgot Allah and He caused them to forget their own selves." [Soorah Al-Hashr 59: 19] My sister wear the hijaab in your young age in opposition to the sinful deed because Allah is intense in punishment and will ask you on the Day of Resurrection about your youth and every moment of your life. In summary: Stop presuming some future expectation in your life will indeed occur!! How can you guarantee your own life until tomorrow? Excuse Ten: I’m afraid that if I wear Islamic clothing that I’ll be labeled as belonging to some group or another and I hate partisanship. My sister in Islam, there are only two parties in Islam, and they are both mentioned by Allah Almighty in His Noble Book. The first party is the party of Allah (Hizbullah) that He gives victory to because of their obedience to His commands and staying away from what He has forbidden. The second party is the party of the accursed Shaitaan (hizbush-Shaitan) which disobeys the Most Merciful and increase corruption in the earth. When you hold tight to and adhere to the commands of Allah, and among them is wearing the hijaab - you then become a part of the successful party of Allah. when you beautify and display your charms you are riding in the boat of Shaitaan and his friends and partners from among the hypocrites and the disbelievers and none worse could there be as friends. Don’t you see how you are running from Allah and to the Shaitaan, trading filth for good? Run instead my sister to Allah and follow His way: "So flee to Allah (from His Torment to His mercy). Verily I (Muhammad) am a plain warner to you from Him." [Soorah Adh-Dhaariyaat 51: 50]. The hijaab is a high form of worship that is not subject to the opinions of people and their orientation and choices because the one who legislated it is the Most Wise Creator. In summary: In the way of seeking the pleasure of Allah and in hope of His Mercy and success in His Jannah and throw the statements of the devils among people and jinn against the wall! Hold tight to the legislation of Allah by your molars and follow the example of the striving and knowledgeable Mothers of the Believers and the female companions (radhiallahu anhum ajma’een). In Conclusion Your body is on display in the market of Shaitan seducting the hearts of men. The hairstyles, the tight clothing showing every detail of your figure, the short dresses showing off your legs and feet, the showy, decorative and fragrant clothing all angers the Merciful and pleases the Shaitaan. Every day that passes while you are in this condition, distances you further from Allah and brings you closer to Shaitaan. Each day curses and anger are directed toward you from the heavens until you repent. Every day brings you closer to the grave and the Angel of Death is ready to capture your soul. "Everyone shall taste death. And only on the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the Hellfire and admitted to Al-Jannah, is indeed successful. The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing)." [Soorah Aale ‘Imraan 3:185] Get on the train of repentance my sister, before it passes by your station. Deeply consider my sister, what is happening today before tomorrow comes. Think about it, my sister - Now, before it is too late!
Sister Maliha
on
September 1, 2005
Dear sister Salam, salamun alaikum
I just wanted to congratulate you, on you firm belief in Allah, and because your husband came around in time. Mabrook, alf mabrook, as the Arabs say. However, remain vigilant and take care of your rights so that he does not fall back into the old habit. Make sure he cares for you to the best of his ability. Actually, he has a lot of DEBTS to you now, with all the things you paid which he should have paid. Ask a scholar what he thinks about that. He should give you gold jewellery or some other things of permanent value, or just open a bank account for you, to make up for the expenses you incurred.
I wish you a long and happy marriage, and in sha Allah Allah will increase his iman and guide him on the right path. Ameen
Aminah
on
September 1, 2005
salamalikum amina, Elhamdulilah Allah swt saved my marriage. the last thing i want in this life is a divorce, and inshallah he will continue to do his best to make me happy and me make him happy too. we have a beautiful daughter, and the effects of divorce on children is life long, and all i want her to see is her parents loving and happily all the time. thanx agian for your support. walikumsalam
Salam
on
September 1, 2005
salamalikum Amina, please tell me, was the reason you did not get out of your relationship anything to do with money? Meaning that without your husband it would be difficult to support yourself, provide shelter and basically go on in life as normal? wasalm
Salam
on
September 2, 2005
well, yes, it had to do with money in some way. I interrupted my education because my (Iranian-Iraqi) husband wanted to go to Lebanon and "save the Palestinian revolution". That was in 1974, ask your husband, he will know and explain to you what was going on in Lebanon then. So, when our relationship went awry, I had two small children, no education with which to secure a good job, and no supportive family. I come from Europe. There was no way I could see in which to raise my children.
What was perhaps more important to me was that I felt that in an environment where everyone was not a Muslim (I come from a small town) I would lose my Islam, or at the very least would not be able to raise my kids as Muslims. As it happens I was not able to raise them as very good Muslims where I live now either.
Another factor was that my husband would probably not have given me the children, so, I would not have seen them for years on end. I preferred to stay for them. I later had a third child, which was extremely unreasonable.
Around 1990 I had decided that I would ask for a divorce when the children were grown. I had no married life any more and was just waiting for them to grow up. Now, they are grown. I have two grandchildren, a boy and a girl.
My main mistake was that I did not know what my rights were. My husband made me believe that I was not a good wife while I basically was. I have my faults, but who has not? I made lots of mistakes. You have done very well in taking action so fast. May Allah grant you a happy marriage.
Aminah
on
September 2, 2005
Walikumsalam amina and you don't know how helpful your response to this blog is. please educate us on what our rights as wives are , so that when necessary we can have the upper hand inshallah if we forsee our marriages going sour. please enlighten us on what ou've learnt about what your rights are.? God bless u so mach sister.
Salam
on
September 2, 2005
Aminah,I read your previous posts on the issue of your own separation with your husband. You really sound so well adjusted and at peace given what happened. Its nice that you have not let this get you down. I think everyone deserves a good a marriage and someone to share life with. Islamically your marriage has ended because of the amount of time you have spent apart.
Tawba
on
September 2, 2005
cont', have you thought about actively looking...we sisters can be good match makers:)
Tawba
on
September 2, 2005
Wlikumsalam twba, i think amina says that she's stuck now coz she has to remarry the same husband legally to get a divorce. something about some marriage papers missing for something like that. she was warning us to ensure our marriage is legal on paper , even if it is legal in God eyes.waslam
Salam
on
September 2, 2005
Asalamu alaikum sister. For anyone who is having technical problems logging into HijabChat: Click Here to Join, please attempt to re-register with the same username and password you've used before. Accounts that are inactive for more than 30 days are deleted automatically. Hope this helps! Wa alaikum salam!
HijabSupport
on
September 2, 2005
thank you Tawba, but no, I don't want to look, especially not where you are. I need to stay where I am to be with my children and grandchildren.
I can't educate anyone on their rights. What I was saying is that I did not know my rights in the least, and just believed what my husband and his family were telling me and that was basically that a woman has to put up with everything, while being perfect herself. I was not perfect (who is?), so, what could I expect?
Mine is a very exceptional case, and you all can be sure that these things are not going to happen to you, as you live in the West. Stay put, if you ask me, its better and safer.
As to getting your paperwork done, yes, make 100% sure that you do that. Do you know what my problem is? I married in an Arab country, and my marriage paper needs a stamp from the Ministry of Foreign affairs of that country. We did not know that when we married, and did not care to ask. When they accepted my MARRIAGE and registered it where I live now, they did not care. Now, that it comes to divorce, the stamp suddenly became essential. My marriage contract is invalid because it is lacking, as far as the divorce courts are concerned. Nevertheless, I am validly married. It is completely ridiculous if you think about it.
I live completely apart from my husband - e.g. not sharing a room with him - for maybe 5 years or longer. Even when we were sharing a room, we were just in the same room, that was all. I also thought that this makes me qualified for an automatic divorce, and it does, islamically, I think, but not with the courts. It is extremely cumbersome to get a divorce which is contested by the husband where I am. My husband does not care about living with me any more, but socially, he fears the shame of divorce. Everyone knows that we live apart. However, as long as it did not become legal, no shame is attached to it. These are things that happen in so-called Islamic countries, because of social custom, they have absolutely NOTHING to do with Islam.
They take pride here in the fact that the divorce rate is low. Well, if they could take pride in the fact that most marriages are reasonably happy, that would be better, if you ask me. Unfortunately, that's not the case. Maybe I am pessimistic, but I would say that at least 40% of marriages are misery, and the majority give no happiness to the couple.
Sisters, you are in the West. You have a very valuable opportunity to live according to ISLAM, as there are no social customs to be observed, many of which are unislamic, but are now associated with Islam.
To come to the point of hejab, as this blog is supposed to deal with issues of hejab, not marriage and divorce:
The outfits on this site are extremely beautiful. They are also completely shar'i (most of them, some of the denim things ... well, I would not wear them). Where I live, unfortunately, we have to comply with a much stricter code. Light colours, embroidery etc etc will not do except for special occasions, where you are with your husband. Wearing a coat – what you call an Abaya or Jilbab – is the law, and colourwise we are restricted to black, dark grey, dark navy etc., and the scarf should be dark, and a solid colour. It can get depressing at times.
Allah said that Islam should make life easy (yusur in Arabic), not difficult and hard (usur in Arabic). There is no provision against beauty in Islam, only against making oneself sexually attractive while going out. Allah likes us to be happy, not unhappy. You over there in the West have an opportunity to live according to the pure tenets of Islam. Take it.
This site was very inspiratory to me. Thank you all for your contributions.
I cannot get to the end of page three at present, but I saw Tawbah's and Salam's contributions in the morning. I hope you will be able to see this.
Aminah
on
September 3, 2005
Asalamu alaikum ya Amina and thank U for your contributions to this blog. The focus of the blog is hijab, but the general goal of this blog is to help other muslimahs. So your comments are very helpful, as I can see for sister Salam and others who have not yet posted their comments. If there is anything you can share with sisters from your experience, so that they don't inshallah end up in the same predicament that would be appreciated. As said, the main goal of this blog is to help other muslimahs seeking advice inshallah. Thank you also for clarifying that you need a stamp from the Ministry of Foreign affairs for a marriage to be considered lawfully illegal. Hehe..i'm sure some sisters are checking their papers as we speak, since alot of marriages to reverted muslimahs occur in Arab countries. Thanks again Amina..& wa alaikum salaaaam!
Sister Deneer
on
September 3, 2005
Wasalam. I think in my life story in the beginning of this blog I did mention that i was married in an Arab, country...Jordan to be exact;)
Sister Deneer
on
September 3, 2005
Yes, I remember that. And now I am becoming increasingly curious as to your own nationality as well as that of your husband (of course only if you think giving this information on a weblog open to everyone will not harm you in any way). Somewhere you mentioned that you came from Christianity to Islam, as I did by the way, and that does not fit in with my general impression that you are from the subcontinent.
You in a Western country are more protected against such predicaments, because generally they will tell you about all the stamps and everything you need, not like here or in other ME countries, where everything and everyone work sort of haphazardly. However, and that is especially true for bi-cultural or bi-national marriages, it is always better to ask one question too much with regard to paperwork. We did not realize the importance.
Good luck with your website, and with your clothing business. I think it was great to start such a business, as it is really difficult to find hejab clothes in the West. I find it also interesting and encouraging that you sell underscarves. I wear them since seeing the Lebanese wear them, and I make simple ones myself from light cotton material. They are invaluable in holding the hejab in place from morning till afternoon.
Salams and du'a to everyone.
Aminah
on
September 3, 2005
Wa alaikum salam ya Amina, and thanx for your reply eh'. I am also curious to knwo which country you are currently residing in, is it Iran or Egypt? To answer your question my nationality is African/American but I was born in the Big T.O Toronto, Ontario Canada. My mother is Jamaican, and my father is Trinidadian, and yes it was a shock to all of them my reversion to Islam. My father accepts my decision, but in some cases he acts a little distant and my mom is coming around about me wearing hijab. Occasionally she will crack and insult like her recent thing when i was goin for my first driving lesson while I have my G1(I was pumped! by the way..real excited climbing up the social ladder, ...plus its important being a business woman n' all) she said, "take the stupid thing off your head so ya can see where yu goin'" in her jamaican accent. I was like "moommm don't be silly, I can see"..she knows it too, but she just wanted to make fun of me...i just laughed it off. Just like when she wanted to get a hijab from me, and i told her i wouldn't give it to her unless she was going to wear it on her head..hahaha Ofcourse she looked at me strangely with a "whatever" look. My husband is originally Palestinian but is born in Jordan. I got married in Jordan, and brought my dad and sister with me..and it was a real blast..i loved it. love the shoppin eh'. Anyway...glad to have you here in the blog sharing yoru life experiences. You're right abotu how they handle things in the ME countries, its like so unorganized, and informal. In Canada, we have the famous phrase "get it in writing". But in the ME countries...things are by word of mouth..and that method just wouldn't cut it here, coz some people go back on their word. I admire Canada for its systematic approach to life. There was a funny commercial on television showing people in the carribbean selling Melons...and the customer says "hello I would like to buy a melon", the boss says "sorry sir, that melon is for display purposes only"...and the customer got fed up and said "hey i just wanna buy a melon"..hehehe.. it Just shows you how some countries would be shocked by the formality live by in Canada on a daily basis...but you know what..if taken seriously, it actually works;) Take care sis and wasalaaam!
Sister Deneer
on
September 3, 2005
You are right about the formality of Canada. It seems cumbersome at first, but then it makes a lot of sense.
To answer your question, I live in Iran presently (in Egypt, hejab is not law), and my husband was born and raised in Iraq, but has Iranian nationality. I am German myself. But this is all I can say on an open weblog, as people would eventually recognize me. Even this way, anyone who knows us might.
Of course, my parents are deceased now, but they were very good with regard to my becoming a Muslim, and wearing hejab. My mother would go out with me and introduce me as her daughter, and would get these looks and stares and sometimes almost gasps. She never once told me to take my hejab off, although she could never grasp why is was necessary. Otherwise, she almost converted to Islam. She considered prophet Mohammad one of Allah's prophets, but she was too old to make the step to conversion when she came to that conviction. She was a very believing Christian, may Allah accept her faith and her deeds.
Aminah
on
September 3, 2005
ya salam, I'd like to buy a melon too! hahaha!!
Mariam
on
September 3, 2005
Wasalam ya Amina, I'm sorry If I made you feel uncomfortable. We do get many visitors from all over the world elhamdulilah and from countries I haven't even heard of too! The majority of our visitors are in USA. It's nice to hear that your mother was accepting of your decision and even awknowledged the great prophet s.a.w. as a prophet of God, mashallah. Maybe In future I'll get my family to awknowlege this too once they become open to conversation on the topic. Jazakallahu khairan and wasalam!
Sister Deneer
on
September 4, 2005
Aminah,
I have always wondered about what it is like to live in Iran. Is it fun? I imagine there is a lot to do for muslimahs because of the separation btwn men and women. If you could "paint a picture" it would be fun reading for me.
Tawba
on
September 6, 2005
Assalamualaikum all, I've been reading the previous posts in the blog, mashallah very interesting. I'm sorry I've been away for a while and my computer had a virus that is still being cleaned so I'm just getting the chance to post now. Just wanted to say, keep the posts coming sisters! Very inspiring!
Nadia
on
September 6, 2005
walikumsalam. I'm sorry to announce that I've decided to divorce him now. He broke his promise not to be rude to me several times. Just to be passive, I just cried where he came those three times and appologized. But it went to a fourth and fifth time and enough is enough. I'm not going to be passive anymore. So keep the peace it seems he wants me to depend less on him and more on myself. In some relationships its the opposite where the man is so controlling that keeps his wife at arms length. This is the opposite, I get the freedom I want, but I have no way of travel. So he resents me when I don't use public transportation, pay my way and support myself and my kid. Now that its over I'm not even going to be jealous if he finds someone else because i know he won't treat them any better. In the beginning he was nice, but very controlling, but now that i have freedom, he resents spending money on my behalf. Its truly a shame how husbands even in marriage refuse to take the responsibility of being an actual husband and supporting the family and taking care of his wife in every way. Oh well..good riddens eh'. Inshallah, theres hope for my life to be happy eventually with someone who isnt so self centered. :( walikumsalam
Salam
on
September 6, 2005
But...there's only one last way I'd take him back..and that is if he brought himself back to Allah swt. He doesn't pray or do anything to remember God. If he looked to God for self-improvement and was sincere, I'd give him another chance. I don't want my daughter to resent me in future for not giving it everything I got to save this marriage. But I don't think my daughter would want her mother to live in suffering being often verbally and emotionally abused by her husband. I just wonder what God's plan for me...please pray for me and my daughter..walikumsalam
Salam
on
September 6, 2005
To answer to your question , sister Tawbah:
When is life ever "fun", so that life in Iran would be fun? However, it is not right to imagine that life in Iran is very hard, or very restricted. It is actually not that different from life in other countries.
First thing, there is no separation of men and women. It is just nor practicable. Imagine, a company wants staff. They have to either employ all women, or all men?
How about hospitals for instance? You need male and female doctors, nurses, cooks, you need cleaners (mostly, but not always female) and repairmen (who are all male to the best of my knowledge) etc etc. However, your idea that there is a lot to do for women is right, I am surprised that you got that idea. For example, Iran will train no male gynecologists. Huge field for women. Education is separated, with the result that junior high and high school teachers at girls' schools are all female.
Over 50% of all university students are female. Actually, women can afford to study, men can not, or not always. Boys have to go for military service, if they want to marry they have to provide for their wife and children. Many leave their education and become merchants or such things. The girls are either supported by their fathers, or by their husbands, and they study. Part-time sometimes, but they graduate and continue their carreers while raising their families. It is difficult, here just as in the West, but many girls do it.
What I said now is the case for the educated, more or less westernized strata of society living in Tehran and other cities and towns. In the villages, life is hard, and still very traditional. There are girls' schools there, however, and girls are very eager to study. Some go on to university. Others continue to study below university level, or take part in training courses.
Iran is no ideal society to live in. You should not imagine that they revived the days of the holy prophet (pbuh). There are lots and lots of problems, like in all other countries. Many of the ideas I read on this website would be alien to Iranian society, although they are not alien to Islam. Society is changing slowly, very slowly, but it IS changing.
There are no bars, no pubs and no dancing clubs of course, but that does not mean that Iranian society does not have to cope with issues like immorality and drug abuse.
In Iran, people are no happier than they are elsewhere, but I doubt they are essentially more unhappy.
I am sure there lots of other things you might want to know. I have not lived in the West for so long, I forgot what are the differences with life in Iran. I shall be happy to answer.
Aminah
on
September 7, 2005
Salam, sister Salam.
I don't want to interfere, but what you write just sounds like the classical misunderstanding between a Western woman and an Eastern man. Mind my choice of words, religion has very, very little to do with this.
You say, first you had no freedom, but now you have it. It seems that your husband feels that either you stay housebound, and are at his beck and call, or you go out and are an independent person, then you also have to provide for yourself. Needless to say that he is wrong, Islamically. A woman, from the point of view of the Shari'a, does not have the OBLIGATION to do the housework. The only obligation she has towards her husband is what the scholars call "al-haqq al-khaass", the special right.
I have to say that I hate housework. However, housework has to be done. Noone likes scrubbing floors and dusting cupboards and the like. After I started living alone, I realized that I would do all that willingly, if at the end of the day, there would be a person I can sit with for an hour or two in a relaxed atmosphere. With whom I have common ground. Who thinks as I do, at least partly. With whom I share the joy of our children.
Reality of life is that women have to attend to the house more than men. I think we should accept that. However, men should attend to their personal things, they should put away their stockings and be able to provide themselves with a glass of water, or some tea. Women are no servants, as is amply stressed by the provision of Shari'a that the woman is not obliged to do the housework, but if she does so, it carries great thawab.
Muslim men normally have been raised in families where the women would serve the men. Men would not pour their own tea, or make themselves a sandwich. However, rest assured that Muslim women are no angels either, and they do have ways to make their husbands realize their value, and to get what they want.
As a middle road, you should be somewhat more caring with a Muslim husband than you would be with a man from your own culture. After all, noone can be expected to give up their culture completely, neither you nor he. You both have to adjust. Bring him his water and tea, most of the time, not always. As a favour, not as a duty. Don't let him demean you. Insist on your right to go out of the house, but also let him know, and coordinate things with him, and try to schedule your own outings and work in a way that you are at home more than he is. Take a stand, but don't make it this "either-or" stand. Be flexible, but let him know that you are making an effort.
Turning towards Allah is something that has to come out of the heart. You can't really make that a condition, but do let him know that it is your greatest wish. Indeed, a firm belief in the fact that Allah watches our deeds and does not approve of us hurting other people or being rude or disrespectful or taking advantage of others is the best way to ensure that we don't do that. Because we fear Allah's wrath, not because we are afraid of the other person.
Eastern men always want to feel that they have the upper hand. They want to be lied to a little bit. For us Western women, that's hard, and it surely does have a limit. But you see, if you tell him all the time that you are better than he is (you probably are, because the sheer action of converting to Islam is an act so courageous and hard that I doubt he did anything similar to that in his life) he will feel inferior, and he will lash back, and that's when he becomes rude. Try to find things that are good about him, and tell him that you appreciate them.
Give the whole thing some time. Emotionally, you are not in a position to make a decision just now. Your two entries on the weblog prove that, they are just so contradictory. Maybe you could go to live with a friend, or your parents, for some time, so that you gain some distance. Apart from your marriage, what would you like to accomplish in life? Think about that, and analyze whether you can do it just now, given that you have a small child. Choose what you can do without harming your daughter. She is the single most important thing in your life. But you must make sure you can take care of her, and a harrassed woman who is unhappy makes a very bad mother. Take care of yourself, so that you can take care of her, and enjoy her. Don't ever try to neglect yourself, and only take care of her. You won't be able to do that. You have to achieve a balance by all means, which is only slightly tilted to her side, and becomes less and less so as she grows.
With regard to your husband, there are two possibilites. Either, he used you to get to the West, and is not really interested in you. If you walk out and tell him that you want to live apart for some time, eventually, he will want to make that permanent.
The second possibility, and I give it the greater chance, is that he does care about you, but can't handle that you are different from what he expected. He took for granted that when someone reverts to Islam, he/she will also become a Muslim culturally. That is not true.
If you go away for some time, you give him the opportunity to come to terms with his own feelings, to sort them out, to understand them, and to make decisions which are based on firmer ground than his promises not to be rude any more. I think he should find a man from his culture who is also married to a Western Muslim, but happily, and talk to him. Maybe that man can explain what I explain here from a male point of view.
Lastly, in the end, even in bi-cultural marriages it is the two individuals who speak the last word, not the culture. If you are compatible as individuals, you will work out your problems, if you are not, it won't work. Everything can be solved, save the fact that your personalities are too different and not compatible.
If that is the case, it is in the interest of your daughter that her mother and father do not live together. She will be harmed more by a home where her parents quarrel all the time, or live in uneasy silence, than by being with one of them and seeing the other regularly.
You have also to realize that there is no couple on earth who did not hurt one another innumerable times. The issue is, is the CORE of trust broken or not? I does not break easily, I can tell you.
If you want to discuss more personal matters, give me an e-mail address. I shall be happy to help you as much as I can.
Aminah
on
September 7, 2005
Sister Deneer, please go to page 4. I can't get this page to load fully, it seems to be too big!
ADMINISTRATOR: Wa alaikum salam Amina. Are you experiencing technical difficulties loading page 1 and 2? If not, it could be a temporary internet problem because I didn't use any more graphics or code as I have on page 1 and 2. Hope this helps...Wasalam!
Aminah
on
September 7, 2005
Probably it is related to the phone lines in Iran. We use dial-up here. I need to try to load the page 5,6 times before it loads to the end. I any case thanks.
Aminah
on
September 8, 2005
Sallam, Amina thank you very much for the information. I suppose that my definition of fun is a little warped:) I feel most things are fun, entertaining, and enjoyable.
I was fascinated by the information you provided on the concepts of muslimahs here vs. the concepts of muslimahs there.
" Many of the ideas I read on this website would be alien to Iranian society, although they are not alien to Islam"
Can you elaborate on this? Also what do you think can be done to bridge the gap?
Tawba
on
September 8, 2005
salam all, I can feel the love in this room! i love this site!
Curious Niqabi
on
September 8, 2005
Salam sister Tawbah. Lucky you, if you feel most things are fun. Probably, you are considerably younger than I am.
What I was referring to was mostly the idea that is prevaling on the site that everyone has the right to be his or her own person. It is not contradictory to Islam, but it does not sit well with the structure of eastern society, where people are more expected to fit in and do what they are required according to their role in society, not to develop independent personalities. Of course, noone can convert from Islam to any other religion, so, we do not have that problem. But not conforming with social norms is almost impossible here in Iran. For example: When my daughter married, we had to buy the equipment for her house (an Iranian custom that in itself is not very Islamic. Imagine if a poor father has 5 daughters??? How is he going to be able to afford to marry them all??). She cared more about what people would say and expect than about what she really needed. The whole thing repeated itself when she had her first child. Again, the family of the girl is required to buy all things for the first child. I told her, don't buy so much clothes, people will give you lots of presents, and you can always buy later what you need. But she was not concerned so much with what she would need, she was concerned that her husband's family would remark on her "seesmooni" (that's what the equipment for the child is called). I said, well, we will put some of the money aside, and then later I shall buy what you need. That was not socially acceptable either.
Imagine, an Iranian girl would tell her family that she is her own person and wants to do this or that outlandish thing. I mean, I don't want to say "don't convert", but we have to realize that it is really hard for the families.
Over there, you have the problem of how to live while not conforming to social norms. Here, we have the problem of how to conform, but not so much that we are suffocated. It can be trying at times.
Bridging the gap????? I think that will finally happen, but will take many, many generations to come.
Aminah
on
September 9, 2005
Wa alaikum salam. In response to ideas on how to bridge the gap, i think this can only happen through nurturing our new generations. Our Children...raising them as stronger muslims, Allah fearing, and lots of love and listening to what they have to say so we are not shocked later on. In the Quran it repeats many times how we should help our parents just as they did us when we were a child..so as our parents get older we should let ourselves grow so that we can support them eventually. Not for how we would look in the eyes of society but to please Allah s.w.t.. To nurture the new generation, educating them on the reasoning with "Al-Hijab" is a good place to start and also setting a good example as a parent. I've talked to sisters who have complained that their parents were religious but never instilled the same value in them. Maybe on the surface the children like the leniency, but deep in their hearts they want to be guided. Jazakallahu khairan and wasalam
Sister Deneer
on
September 9, 2005
I want ask how can i cover when i cant afford the clothes
sister Diane
on
September 9, 2005
Well said Sister Deneer, from what I see in my students,that is the case with a lot of young Muslims today. They seem to like the leniency but also wish their parent's values were instilled in them. It all starts in the family; educating our children so they grow with an Islamic identity that they can hold close to their heart in whatever country they may end up. (inshallah)
Nadia
on
September 9, 2005
Assalamu alaykum Sisters,
I have been reading the blog for months and thought it was time to share my beautiful story. I was a typical divorced single American mother when I met my current husband. When I first met my husband, who is from Pakistan, I had no knowledge of Pakistan or Islam. I was raised mostly Christian but didn’t practice much. During our engagement I did brief studies on Islam to ask my husband the basic questions. Will you want more than one wife? Will you require me to convert? Will you want me to move out of the USA? How will you treat my (at the time) 4 year old daughter? What kind of changes to expect to happen in my house (since he would be moving in with me after marriage)? Plus of course all the scary questions that came from my reluctant and caring family. I decide to pray, pray and pray. I felt in my heart that if God didn’t want this marriage then I would feel it. BTW…..my husband and I were married only 11 weeks after we first met.
Within weeks of our marriage we found out that we were expecting a beautiful baby. We were being blessed. Alhumdillah! More questions came regarding Islam. My husband was always a very kind, gentle, calm man. Nothing I have ever seen before in any American man that I knew, not to mention in my ex-husband. Everyday my husband and I learned more and more about each other and respected Islam very much inside our house for the sake of my husband. Only eating halal meat, etc. I never imagined in a million years that I would come to find Islam, NEVER!!! But, mash Allah, one day a dear friend of mine, through a casual conversation, almost challenged me to raise my daughters with good morals in our American society. She never realized what an impact that one little conversation/disagreement had on me. I decided religion was the answer, but still never thought Islam.
Because I knew I wanted to raise our children with a strong belief in God, I thought I should start studying Islam so I could understand it. Secretly, (without my husband’s knowledge) I read several books on Islam. (Side note: I did this without my husband’s knowing, because I didn’t want to feel any pressure from him, I wanted to learn on my own, and also to confirm everything he has taught me) Anyways, as I studied and studied, I felt my heart being pulled and I felt the unbelievable peace, and love in my heart with Islam (tears still swell up in my eyes as I type this). This I realized it, Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) had given me my husband for a reason, and that Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) was guided me to the truth and to Him. In April 2005 I did Shahada to myself over and over, almost daily (again without my husband knowing), then I asked more and more questions to him and fellow Muslim friends. The one thing that was holding me back was Hijab. I couldn’t understand why I had to announce to the whole world my conversion, why couldn’t I just keep it within myself and Allah (subhana wa ta’ala). I understood the concept of Hijab, but I wasn’t ready to go public. Then one day I came out of the bathroom wearing Hijab (we were visiting a Pakistani family that day), my husband was in shock, he told me how beautiful I looked, but didn’t wear it again for a while.
I became very close with another Muslim woman, Layla, and finally one day I asked her to teach me to pray and I said Shahada in front of her. NOW…I finally felt like I was a true Muslim. After prayer I called my husband at work, told him I prayed and did Shahada with Layla. I had been very vague with my husband about my conversion, because I didn’t want any doubt in my mind that I was doing this for ME not him. It seemed to take him a while to truly realize my decision. When he finally told me that he had called his family in Pakistan that very night to tell them the good news, I thought to myself “NOW, he understands” and my heart fell in love with him all over again. This was my official date 7/6/05. I wasn’t wearing Hijab yet, but 6 days after my conversion I saw another Muslim woman at work and greeted her “Assalamu alaykum” and she just looked at me, kind of shy. I went back to my office and felt this heaviest on my heart. The next morning when I woke up, I decided “I know I plan on someday wearing Hijab, why not start TODAY” knowing that I wanted to face all the looks and comments sooner than later. Some part of me wanted to get that fear over with. Allah (subhana wa ta’ala), is so good to us. He blesses us in ways we can’t even imagine. From that day forward I continue to obey Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) and wear Hijab everyday. I feel so safe covering my body. I honest think that if more people would take the time to open their minds and learn about Islam, that their hearts would lead them to the truth. Daily I face the world as an American Muslim woman with Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) on my side and a wonderful family waiting for me when I get home. My family and friends have been somewhat supportive, but I pray almost daily for their understanding and patience. Thank you for all the Sisters who will read this.
Wa alaykum assalam, Sister Roberta
Sister Roberta
on
September 9, 2005
Wa alaikum salam sister roberta & ya salaaam! mashallah that you share your life story with us. I'm teary eyed myself ;) Mashallah that Allah s.w.t. blessed you with a wonderful husband and family and new baby. May Allah s.w.t. make this life easy for you and let your family come to terms with your decision. Allah kheleeki and wasalam
Sister Deneer
on
September 9, 2005
Asalamu alaikum sisters. There was this cool segment on Oprah the other day about a man who lived life as a Muslim for 30 days to get rid of his ignorance from the event of September 11th. He was required to dress like a Male Muslim, wear a kufi and male abaya, read Quran every day, and live with a Muslim family, do their traditions and eat the food they eat and pray 5 times a day!He did everything else but he could not absorb the duty of praying 5 times a day because he didn't understand who he was praying to. Based on his commentary from the show, it seems that he was not religious prior to this experience. I have a feeling that if he were a Christian, he would have reverted to Islam that month:) Anyway...he also did an experiment and go up to non muslims while he was dressed in full attire and asked them if they would protest with him about ending discrimination against Muslims because of 911. The reaction was definately ignorance and people wanted to get away from him. When he asked the Husband of the Muslim family how he felt about the event he said, that we are Americans and we are Muslim too, this event happened to our country too. They also brought up a good point that when the bombing of Oklahoma occurred, and they know it was done by people of a white skinned decent, people didn't start hating white people in general. Would it be fair to hate cauccasians? No. It was an interesting episode, but I was disappointed that this experience didn't encourage him to look into the issue of "Who is God, and what are his characteristics?". Jazakallahu Khairan and wa alaikum salam!
Sister Deneer
on
September 10, 2005
assalam akaykum
i know this is off the topic from talking about hajibs but i wonder about the folks who had converted/reverted had noticed the diet had changed or becoming more aware what to buy in the grocery stores .i know it would be good for our health but i find my self steering away more from the meat counters and deli counters in the grocery stores and heading more into the bulk section ( not only its cheaper ) but has a lot of dried treats there and the produce section .. i find myself eating a lot of 'meatless' variety ie instead putting hamburger in my spagetti i make a vegetaratian type, i don't eat 'tofu' hot dogs and i find myself not picking up lunch meat ( even it says all beef or all chicken but i get the feelings that there always a trace of pork in them) i m curious if others are finding the same way as well ??? i find my basket has more fruits and vegetables than i ever did with meat ( usually the meat takes up more than the vegetables ) am i just being conscious or subsciously doing it ...i just noticed the other day when i went shopping ...my way of shopping has changed since i converted for a long time but didnt really pay much attention to it sister deener have u any comments on this ?
Sister Deneer: Wasalam sis, hey...i gotta have my meat eh', Kharoof, Kabab, Chicken, Swarma, Babaghanoosh...zaaaaakkeee!
Sister Eisha
on
September 10, 2005
As salaamu alaikum, Sisters: Sister Deneer, I certainly hate that I missed that episode, mash'Allah. It really sounds interesting. You mentioned at the end of your post that it seemed as if the man who lived as a Muslim for a time should have at least walked away from the experience thinking about God in a different way. It makes me think of a conversation that my husbband and I had recently about those who seem to refuse to acknowledge Allah's (swt) existence. Allah (swt) explains that there are those of us whose hearts will be veiled to the way of the Straight Path. Insha'Allah this is not true of that man. Only Allah (swt) knows...
Sister Deneer: Wa alaikum salam sis, yeah tell me about it eh'. I mean, this man lived with practicing Muslims for a month. The husband even had a talk with him and explained to him why his wife felt uncomfortable being alone in the home with him and asked that she would occupy herself away from home if he had to be there, or if he had errands to run she would stay home. Its just really dawning how he came out of the situation not questioning God. Like even his commentary on Oprah, he didn't mention one word about God even it was only a 5 minute interview with him. But mashallah he eliminated his ignorance towards Muslims by blaming them for 9/11. I remember the husband also says that he as a Muslim won't appologize for 9/11 because its like "admitting guilt and fault of the event". He also said that "we are victems too because we are Americans and it happened to us". But to be compassionate, Muslim or not, we should say that it is unfortunate that it happened to those innocent victems. I get peeved when there are still non muslims out there who think its our fault. We have to come together some how and make Da3wa and educate non muslims that "we too are victems and Islam does not condone the killing of innocent people". Can I get an Ameen? Jazakumallahu khairan and wasalam
Kimberly
on
September 10, 2005
Wasalam sisters:) It is definately interesting how that man lived as a Muslim for 30 days. What do you think of inviting non-Muslims on being Muslim for a day? Do you think this can help conquer the ignorance we face today against Muslims?
Sister Deneer
on
September 10, 2005
was assalam akaylum
isnt like " being blind for a day "?? being muslim for 30 days ...to be fully understand to be a muslim u need to spend a lifetime .... esp when a muslim woman being left alone with a 'non ' muslim man whos is experiementing to be a muslim
eisha
on
September 10, 2005
Salam sisters. You wonder how someone can live as a Muslim for a month and not begin to ask about Allah?
The most eminent translator of the holy Koran into German worked 40 years !!!!!! on the translation, and did not convert to Islam. After I learned that, I doubted whether his translation could really be correct!
Congratulations for sister Roberta to her conversion.
As to sister Diana, who wants to cover but can't afford the clothes: How about maternity clothes? a sleeveless dress can be worn with a blouse under it and a scarf (get material and sew your own scarves). Look for a dress that goes at least to mid-calf. Wear it with stockings that can't be seen through. There are such stockings for people suffering from severe varicose veins. Same for a short sleeveless dress with a jeans underneath, and a matching blouse. There should be maternity clothes on sale occasionally?
I winter, short raincoats can be worn over a pullover and jeans even inside. I hope that helps.
Aminah
on
September 11, 2005
Wa alaikum salam sister Eisha. You know the world would be pretty harsh if we lived in an "All or nothing world". Like how i've heard people say, I can't pray 5 times a day so I don't pray at all. The main goal of the idea, whether it be blind for a day, no hands for a day, Muslim for a day, is all in an effort to get the person to ponder and say "hhmmmmmmm". I really doubt that they would convert, but inshallah would gain some appreciate or shead some ignorance on the matter. I know it's silly, but I thought it would be cool to have a "Hijab Day" at my work. I'm sure if they wore it even for 8 hours, would shead some light and get rid of some ignorance on the subject. Wasalaam!
Sister Deneer
on
September 11, 2005
Asalaam O Alaikum sisters!
MashAllah the site is growing! already to pg 3! well i just wanted to drop by to see how evrything was going.....Wasalaam!
Muslimah
on
September 11, 2005
I have not watched a good full episode of Oprah since I started working. However, I did watch the full show of the reality show on Bravo (I think). Toward the end of that episode he said that he would always defend Muslims to anyone and that he felt America needed "thousands more like em".
From watching the show, I never really expected he would convert. He was really barely hanging on trying to maintain Islamic morals for a just a month.
Tawba
on
September 12, 2005
Salamu Alaikum,
I think this topic has been touched on before but I am always curious as to this.....
As a reverted muslimah, who has not as yet begun to wear hijab,I often wonder, as I am out and about in the world "where are all of the reverted muslimah's who are wearing hijab?" Honestly, I keep my eyes peeled all the time, but I think I have only to this date seen maybe 3 or 4 'blonde/blue eyed/fair skinned' women wearing hijab. I suppose I feel a little nervous or maybe a little sad because I know that they are out there, somewhere, but are they simply choosing not to wear it? Or are they afraid? Or just not ready? I will begin to wear hijab soon, I am praying for strength and courage for I will face my family and friends who think simply that "this islamic thing is just a phase" and "your kids aren't converts too are they?" Sometimes I feel like the odd one out, which is silly...really silly....and I am well aware that Islam is for all nations, and that the largest group of converts to Islam is Christian women....I suppose I just wish that we were more evident in society...more 'out there' as an example....Even my fiance, who is a good muslim brother worries about my choice to wear hijab. He worries about whether I will be discriminated against, whether I will be able to get a job etc, etc.
I am curious as to anyone else's ideas or thoughts on this topic....what have you seen, what have been your experiences?
Thank you
Lys
on
September 12, 2005
Wa alaikum salam sister Lyse. I think maybe the reverted muslimahs are in muslim communities perhaps. And you should see some at the mosque too inshallah. Before we wear hijab, instead of worrying oneself with thinking they won't be hired or they will be discriminated and so forth, we should first reflect on why we want to wear it. I'm sure that you're a beautiful person as is Allah s.w.t. creation but this beauty is a gift and is not meant to be shown to the world but only to who is allowable by Allah s.w.t. One should reflect on how they feel being looked at in a flirtatous or sexual way by other males, or being approached by males often, being asked questions considered "out of line" in Islam, even getting that innocent pat on the back by a man after you've done a good job at your work e.t.c. During this reflection, ask yourself how annoyed you are by it on a scale from 1-10. In general, hijab gives you freedom from being judged with the rest of the crowd. Yes you may be singled out but for the cause of respect. You will find non-believers will behave better around you, and will not swear when they talk to you and will generally treat you better than they treat others. Even males and females will open doors for you as a courtesy. More and more people are being educated about Islam, and that it does not condone the killing of innocent people. So it is just a matter of time until we erase the ignorance, mistakingly tied to hijab and these haneous events. My du3a is with you. Jazakallahu khairan and wasalam@
Sister Deneer
on
September 12, 2005
As-salaamu alaikum Sisters,
I posted a message on the Islamic Forum and I will post it here as well. Two months ago I stopped wearing hijab. I feel very sad about doing so and I miss it terribly. Insha-Allah I will begin again. I started to feel so overwhelmed by covering. Certain people would not treat me nice. I realize for some this may sound superficial. I work outside the home and at work once I began covering many would not speak to me anymore. I used to feel like such an outsider.
Now since I haven't had it on I feel bad when I notice men staring etc. I do not like that type of attention. I still dress modest but I know that hijab is a protection. My co-workers are constantly complimenting me about how good I look. I know that Shaytan is trying to be crafty when it comes to the compliments.
My husband alhumdulilah has been very supportive. I would like to hear from all my sisters of course I need encouragement. I especially want to hear from those who work outside the home to hear how you handle your daily life with hijab in the workplace.
Shukran in Advance:)
Strivng4Jannah
on
September 12, 2005
Str4Jinnah, I work outside the home also and I wear hijab. You are an elder to some young muslimahs out there. You have to stand up. Your coworkers stopped talking to you thats their problem. If someone said they did not like your husband and they werent going to talk to you anymore because of it, what would you do? Divorce him, or lie and say you are not associating with him, or remove your wedding band. Why would you do this with your hijab, why would you hide your Islam, deny your duty to your creator, and divorce yourself from us as your sisters.
In essence your coworkers were not talking to you because you are showing an outward manifestation of a religion they dislike. Without your hijab they can be in blissful ignorance of your conversion and your religion. If someone does not respect Islam they do not respect me, and that is the attitude you need to walk with.
Tawba
on
September 12, 2005
As-salaamu alaikum Sister Tawba,
I appreciate your words of advice. I realize that I must get thicker skin when it comes to others and their views. One thing is certain I constantly defend and protect my faith. Those that I work with know that I am Muslim. They would never doubt such a thing. Wearing hijab in a non Muslim society is simply not easy. For some perhaps. However I have known sisters who wear hijab but do not pray consistently. May Allah help them to fullfill their obligatory salat. My point is each of us struggle with something and hijab is mine at the moment.
Strivng4Jannah
on
September 12, 2005
I understand all that you are saying. I hope that you understand the intention of my post. I wanted to show you how it translates. To wear hijab for Allah and this stop because of the discomfort caused by man. Its not a personal jab, I just wanted you to see the issue from a different perspective. Afterall you did say this was a problem you were having and you wanted input. Its not so much your not covering as it is your reason for not covering. It wasnt even your own desire to not cover or anything it was totally dictated by outside forces. Prayer can be done in ones own home and no one would be aware of it. I pray all of us would do our prayers on time even if we had to do them in the middle of our department with everyone watching.
Sister Deneer: wasalam ya Tawba and thank you very much for your postings. Inshallah you have shead a new light on the matter. One point that sticks is that "You're sure her coworkers know she's muslim, but they feel uncomfortable to "see" she's Muslim. And you're right, she should stand up. Timely salat is the most powerful key to a muslimahs confidence and conviction as a Muslim. Wasalam
Tawba
on
September 12, 2005
To clarify I believe you coworks 'know' you are Muslim, they just seem not to want to 'see' that you are a Muslim. It likely makes them uncomfortable.
P.S. Almost all my closest friends do not wear hijab and they are devout muslims too.
Tawba
on
September 12, 2005
Assalamualaikum sisters, inshallah you are all in the best of health and at the peak of your iman. I've been reading the past notes, very interesting mashallah, I wanted to touch on the subject of Hurricane Katrina which hit New Orleans and it's surroundings. As Muslims what have we done to help the victims, muslim and non-muslim who have suffered great losses due to the disaster? I hope we are all keeping them in our prayers, inshallah. Whenever I turned on the news and saw victims interviewed I always wondered how many Muslims were affected by the hurricane. I recently found out that there are thousands of Muslims who are now displaced by Hurricane Katrina. However I won't type the whole information out on the blog because it'll take up too much space. Sister Deneer, may I post an email my friend received from a Muslim in Louisianna on the forum? Inshallah there we could post ideas of how to reach out to them. There is a lot we can do, even if some of us do not live in the U.S. but I will go into detail in the forum if sister Deneer allows it. Wassalam
Sister Deneer: wasalam. akeed! fadalee ya ukhtee. Sure go ahead you can post it:)
Nadia
on
September 12, 2005
salamalikum all, I wear hijab because I'm just to darn sexy and no guy can handle it. I'm tired of the pick up lines and being approached by guys. I wear hijab and it doesn't happen anymore and I'm happy. All aspects of a Muslimahs beauty is meant to be shared with her future husband only. salam!
Proud Hijabi
on
September 12, 2005
As-salaamu alaikum Sisters Deneer and Tawba,
I totally understand and agree with what both of you are saying. Yes I should not be affected by outside forces. I should only be seeking the pleasure of Allah(swt).
I am just sharing where I am now. I know that I will return to wearing hijab. I believe that it is obligatory. I am a devout Muslimah. Tawba I do believe that many would rather not see the hijab. It is a clear statement of my beliefs. Somehow I must rise above my fears Insha-Allah.
I think of my sisters in other countries who are not allowed to go to university etc. due to their hijab. I think of the Sahaba and how they were persecuted(may Allah be pleased with all of them).
This does give me strength. I will perservere. Insha-Allah.
Insha-Allah I will get through this. May Allah make matters easy for me Ameen.
Strvng4Jannah
on
September 12, 2005
As salamu alaikum wa ramatulahi wa barrakhatuh, Sisters. Striving4Jannah, I have been reading your posts and I truly sympathize with your situation. I only recently stopped working outside of the home. When I did work, I worked about three years with my company before reverting to Islam, alahmdulilah. Needless to say it was a shock to most everyone when I began showing up to work all covered up. I knew precious little about the deen at that time and felt very akward around others as it was clear that they were also very akward around me as well. But in my heart I knew I was doing the right thing. I just knew. Admittedly, in the beginning some days were easier than others. I too one day just got "tired" of covering and decided to go to work without my protective hijab. My experience was like yours; people complemented me all day long. But it didn't feel right. I felt very self-conscience. It bothered me that these people were so releived to see me without a scarf on my head. Why did it make that much of a difference to them? They knew that I was still Muslim, but as Sister Tawba very eloquently put it, they were obviously very uncomfortable with seeing it. I immediately knew that I had made a mistake. I'm not speaking for you when I say this - but for me, I felt that in a way, I was putting the considerations of others before my Lord. When I thing about the first Muslims and their struggles and the torture they endured as followers of the Prophet (saw), I realized that my little feelings of discomfort did not measure. On the Day of Judgement, I want Allah to know that He is my first consideration in everything. There was a reason that I felt uncomfortable. Allah was not making it easy to move away from pleasing Him, alahmdulilah! For that I am grateful. I began covering again immediately. It was still not easy at first. But my co workers came to respect me and my choices. Notice I didn't say like or understand. But they respected me when they saw that I was living my life on my terms according to my firm beliefs, with or without their approval. I was not going to disrespect anyone, try to convert anyone, or anything like that. When I wore my hijab, I was more conscience about my behavior, what I said and what I did. Not standing around gossiping and so forth made me much more productive, and that was appreciated. When people asked questions about Islam, I knew it was my duty to answer as best I could, be approachable, friendly and avoid being defensive, even if that was the attitude of the person who approached me. We sisters who choose to wear hijab and niqab are the visible ambassadors of our faith. When we emerge from our homes, cars, stores and jobs, there is no mistaking that we stnd proudly for Allah! I truly hope this helps you, dear sister in your jihad with the hijab. May Allah make wearing the hijab easy for you, insha'Allah. May Allah guide us all toward that which is best.
Hijabi4Life
on
September 13, 2005
Striving, you made me get teary. May Allah bless your efforts. May Allah bless all of us to improve in our deen everyday that we live. Amen
Tawba
on
September 13, 2005
Assalamu alaikum everyone, I hope you are all in the best of health and at the peak of your imaan.
Striving: whatever I was planning to advise you has already been beautifully put by Tawba and Sis Deneer, be strong, Allah is with you, He will give you the strength inshallah, but you must take the first step in overcoming this obstacle, then only will Allah help and guide you and make hijab easy for you.
Let me give you an analogy I always think of when I have doubts about my hijab. I imagine Prophet Musa (alaihis-salam) when Allah told him to hit his stick on the sea and the sea parted. Then when all of Bani Israil and Prophet Musa passed the sea floor, Musa began to hit the sea over and over again with his stick to close it and prevent Fir'aun and his army from passing. ( He hit the sea and it split so he thought if he hit it again it would close) But the sea wouldn't come down, and Prophet Musa was getting very frustrated!
The scholar who was interpreting this said that before He split the sea, Allah wanted Musa to do his part, even if the most he could was hit the sea with his stick and splash water all over him, then fine, that's what he had to do before Allah would help them by allowing them to cross and drowning Fir'aun and his army.
This story gives me a lot of inspiration, especially when it comes to my choice of wearing hijab, we as believers must do our part before we can expect help from Allah, He wants to see us try! I hope this inspires you to continue wearing hijab, because Allah wil surely help you and all believers if we do our part, inshallah after that things will be easy.
Hijabi4life: that was a beautiful story mashallah!
Proud Hijabi: your post made me laugh!
Sister Deneer: Jazakillah for allowing me to post it in the forum.
A note to everyone, please check out the forum and post what you think we can do and any other ideas, let's be creative sisters! Jazakumullah khairah.
Nadia
on
September 13, 2005
ya salaaaaaaaaaam! Jazakallahu khairan to all!
Sister Deneer
on
September 13, 2005
Assalamu Alaykum Strivng4Jannah,
I was once nervous about wearing hijab to work and I will admit that many people who were friendly to me before, do not speak to me now. I thought this to be a blessing from Allah (SWT) because now I can truly see who judges people, and I would rather know that about people up front. Also, because I notice to difference I felt it was a great opportunity to go out of my way to be nice to those people. For many reasons, 1) to show them that Muslim are wonderful people and forget the media. 2) they will walk away and know it their hearts that they are making judgements and Inshallah, my kindness may soften their hearts and 3)being nice to them releases any anger or frustration that I might feel otherwise if I treat them they way they treat me. AT work I have felt more positive responses or positive inquiries even. Many doctors that I work with actually stopped by my office and ask about my conversion. I made a point to say "thank you for asking" to all of those who took the time ask me rather than make me feel uncomfortable. I will say as a side note, that the negative comments do hurt, but I believe it is a test from Allah (SWT) and I pray everyday for strength, patience and also forgiveness for those who are rude.
Wa alaykum assalamu sister.
Sister Roberta
on
September 13, 2005
P.S. When I get frustrated I tell myself "When the day comes and I must answer to Allah (Swt) regarding hijab, NO ONE, including my husband, my father, my children, my co-workers or complete strangers will stand there with me todefend my disobedience to Allah (Swt), no one will ask Allah (swt) to forgive me because they made me feel guilty or bad, I will stand alone and answer for my own actions", therefore I wear hijab mostly out of obedience and I know I am pleasing Allah (swt).
Sister Roberta
on
September 13, 2005
Wa alaikum salam sister Roberta and thanks for your feedback. And you are taking the best appoach towards your collegues at work in going out of your way to be polite to them because mashallah it does release some of the ignorance they may feel towards hijab. From my own experience, when I began to wear hijab, I too felt uncomfortable but I knew I was doing the right thing. But what was wrong is that I became more introverted which lead others to believe that I'm a snob or something which is the last thing I wanted to communicate. In wearing hijab don't let your discomfort prevent you from being yourself and be sure to be just in your behaviour. Wasalaaam!
Sister Deneer
on
September 14, 2005
Salam to all of you!
Sister Nadia, you gave me an inspiring hint with the story of prophet Moses, and how Allah wants to see us strive even if the odds are formidable. There are a thing or two in my life which I know I should change, but the odds are so great and it needs such a fight to change them. I wanted an easy way out, and the easy way out is to succumb and leave everything as it is, but that is not the best way. It will make me hate myself, and hate life, and cause me misery andI do feel that it is destroying my faith.
Look, sister Tawbah, this is one of the differences in thinking here and where you are I referred to earlier. Here, any scholar would tell me to submit. There, scholars are telling you to strive. Here, scholars are inclined to tell people to keep quiet and not make any trouble, just to keep society peaceful on the surface. Just as the children of Isra'el could have kept quiet and submitted to Fir'aun. But that would have destroyed them. Just as submitting is slowly destroying me. Thanks again.
Aminah
on
September 14, 2005
A great majority of Muslims that come from overseas are conformist and now I guess I understand it. Even though they are in America they are still very afraid of speaking their mind. Especially to any entity they perceive to be older larger than themselves.
I noticed that when Muslims from overseas converse its less about what they read in Quran and Hadith(Sahih) and more about what so-and-so elder or sheik said. Out of neccesity Western Muslims have to read for ourselves and its benefited us greatly.
It is a monumental task to bring true Islam to the forefront in the face of the western media and in 'Muslim' countries. However, the internet as Aminah mentioned is a great tool. The more we can show the world the Islam that we are free to practice and explore the better it will be.
Tawba
on
September 14, 2005
Hurrican Katrina Relief
This is a link to a Muslim non-profit organization that is helping the displaced Muslims. There was a very large Muslim community in New Orleans they were very active and had schools/mosques and now a great deal of them and Muslims from other affected areas are being housed in a shelter.
http://www.almaunfund.org
click the hurrican relief link listed on the left
Tawba
on
September 14, 2005
Assalamu alaikum, thank you for giving your view on that Sister Aminah, I never actually thought of it that way. It's amazing how many conclusions can be derived from Islamic history, Subhanallah. That we should strive to make things right instead of ignoring problems and trying to avoid them from occuring. You really opened my eyes... what type of things do the scholars preach where you are from? ( that would be Iran right?) I'm just curious, about what scholars say in different countries.
Jazakillah for the link Sister Tawba.
Nadia
on
September 14, 2005
You are welcome Nadia, I hope this helps.
I have another link as well, this is one of my favorite zakat spots and I just looked and they are also assisting in the Hurricane Katrina Effort.
www.zakatfoundation.org
Tawba
on
September 14, 2005
well, I was referring to personal affairs, not to politics. For example, the general atmosphere is that in your personal life, you should avoid major upheavals, and make do with what you have, even if it is very bad. The result is that most people are not happy in their personal life. I am not defending the Western way of seeking ever greater pleasure. But I do not think one should feel compelled to put up with serious unhappiness, in the name of religion and the unimportance of this world. Imam Ali said: "Live for this life as if you would be alife forever, and live for your hereafter as if you would die tomorrow." Of course, this is something one cannot really achieve, but it shows that this world is not totally unimportant.
Yes, I am in Iran. While I am Muslim, I am not Shiite. I think there are some very good features to Shiism, and some very good features to Sunnism, and Islam is best. One of the less good things in Shiism is the system of taqlid (imitating, following). There are a number of scholars who are called marja's, they have studied for many years and have acquired the title of Ayatollah, and published a "resaleh" containing their judgements on religious issues. As a Shiite, you have to choose one of them (the most knowledgeable one, but how should you judge that? How could I judge the degree of scientific knowledge of Einstein versus some other eminent physicist, I have not studied physics after all?) and you have to follow his judgements. You CAN, if one of his judgements seems too outlandish to you, follow another scholar in that judgement. When you ask some lesser scholar for an opinion, frequently he will ask: "Whom do you follow?" before answering. There is only one right and one wrong, is there? Normally, lay people are not supposed to think about the Koran, they can only read it and listen to the scholars. Let alone foreigners, who do not know Arabic.
To some degree, that is true. Surely there are Ayas which are difficult to understand, and surely a scholar has a higher understanding than for example I, but not always. Some Ayas are so clear, a child would understand them, and then there are judgements that just don't take account of them. I accept taqlid as a way of getting the opinion of a specialist, not more. I do not believe that I have just to blindly follow my marja', without even thinking. After all, however learned he may be, his IS a human being after all.
I always liken it to consulting a doctor. I am sick, and I go to a doctor, and then a specialist. If I feel unsure about what he said (his judgement so to speak), I consult a second specialist. In the end, I myself decide what kind of treatment I want, noone can force me to have surgery or chemotherapy or swallow some pills I don't trust. Why then when it comes to my deen and my soul, should I blindly follow another person???? Is Allah so inaccessible that ordinary humans cannot understand what He said???? That is just not true! How many times in the Koran does Allah enjoin us to think, to ponder. He does not say: the scholars should ponder, he talks to all human beings and enjoins them to ponder.
Your observation that traditional Muslims always discuss what this or that Sheikh said comes from that way of thinking. They think that they are unfit to think for themselves. Worse is that a Sheikh is not necessarily a religious scholar, a Sheikh is a tribal elder, that's all. Tribalism has some good features, mainly the solidarity within the tribe and how they stand up for one another. However, tribalism is not conducive of independent thinking.
I never thought about Moses' story that way, but you are right. He must have looked outrightly silly beating the waves with his stick, to everyone around him, until the waters parted. He and his people were in a seemingly hopeless situation, and still they strove to find salvation and a way out (and they did not say: this life is worth nothing, just let us die) and Allah showed them a way out because it was His will to save them.
In our daily life, small wonders of this kind continue to happen. I know a young man who everyone thought was lost. Then he married, a girl to whom he had become acquainted in a way I would not recommend to anyone except as a way to look for trouble. However, Allah willed that he should find a girl who had many good sides (while not being faultless of course), and Allah also guided his heart in many ways, and showered wordly bounty on him in an unexpected way, and gave him a beautiful little son. Now, this young man prays and fasts and is a very thoughtful person with many wonderful insights, al-hamdu lillah.
In Islam, it is me and Allah. There is no intermediary. We are responsible for our deeds, but Allah in his justice will judge us by the degree of our understanding. Al-hamdu lillah, He is also the most merciful, or else we would be lost. May He have mercy on all of us in this world and the next.
Aminah
on
September 15, 2005
As-salaamu alaikum Sisters,
Alhamdulilah for each and everyones comments they were beautiful and I appreciate them so! I am sincerely humbled by the support. I love each one of you for the sake of Allah. I will Insha-Allah begin covering in the next few days. I feel hypocritical about taking it off especially for work. Insha-Allah if someone asks I can explain it was a struggle at the time.
I tried to explain to one of my co-workers that I missed covering so. She said you just need to follow your heart. My husband explained that no you are not following your heart you are fulfilling an obligation by wearing the hijab. Once he said that it clicked. If I fear Allah(swt) am seeking only the pleasure of Allah (swt)then I must keep the law of Allah and Allah will keep me.(This is a title of a lecture I am currently listening to)
The analogy of Moses truly made me sincerely look at my own faith. If Moses may Allah be pleased with him could step out with such great faith than surely I can. I know that deep within my being that I am not at my best especially being uncovered. I am telling you I notice the difference so clearly.
I also pray that each of us will not forget nor look down upon those Muslimahs who do not cover.We need to reach out to them and not cut them off. Are support is needed. We must become a visible entity within society so others will see that we are just as normal as anyoneelse.
Shukran again and I will keep you all posted how the first day of covering goes at work:)
Strvng4Jannah
Strivng4Jannah
on
September 15, 2005
Lets do three Takbirs for Striving4Jinnah:)
Takbir ALLAH HU AKBAR!
Takbir ALLAH HU AKBAR!
Takbir ALAH HU AKBAR!
A dhikr you can repeat through the day for strength is Al Mutaqabir. Al Mutaqabir is one of the ninety nine names of Allah it means The Supremely Great/The Perfection of Greatness. When you even repeat it only a couple of times, by Allah you feel a positive change in your mind, heart, and soul.IA
Sister Deneer: ya salaaaaaaaam! ALLAHU AKBAR!!
Tawba
on
September 15, 2005
CHET-NUN Dear sisters, I want to encourage you to be bold in covering up. Why? because you believe in the day of reconciling, do you not? When the accounts of this earthly life are closed, what will have been sent before you? We are not ashamed of living according to God's law. We are to fear no one but Allah. I recently discovered I was a Muslim. I have been wearing hijab for years now, and obeying many things in the Koran without knowing it. Reverting has given new strength to my intuitive heartfelt convictions, learned through study of the more ancient Scriptures. My story is briefly told at http://jocah.beckah.com
Jocah B
on
September 15, 2005
Salam again, I was just reading through page 1 and came about sister Deneer's entry concerning her 10-months-old daughter wearing hejab. It is interesting to notice that sister Deneer is exactly the age of my daughter, who was also born in 1978, and that my daughter also has a little daughter, who will be 1 year old in two weeks. My daughter started to wear hejab at 6 years of age, but I would allow her to take it off when we would be on vacation in Germany. She started wearing it all the time at 9 years of age, which is the shar'i age for girls to wear hejab in Shiism.
Having a daughter and a granddaughter made me think about this issue. I think it is not necessary for girls under the age of 9 to wear hejab all the time. As another sister remarked, at that age, they don't have any notion of their sexuality yet. But there is a mistake mothers frequently make in Muslim countries. They let their girls aged 4,5,6 wear clothes that reveal the body in a suggestive manner, because it is still halal. I think this is not halal to begin with, and it gives the girls ideas which are difficult to eradicate later. While I don't think they really need to fully cover, I do think that it should be clear that clothing is for the purpose of covering up, not revealing. Little girls can wear not too tight pants, and T-shirts over them covering their bottom. That is comfortable, does not restrict their movements, and still is not revealing. Or skirts that go down to their knees (and take care that their underpants cover the essentials), or dresses of a similar length. When I grew up in Germany in the 50's and 60's, everyone would wear such clothes. Ladies would wear respectable clothes, no hejab of course, but there was not this sexual suggestiveness that is in clothes now. I think the most important thing is to never ever give a girl the idea that it is good or cute or nice to reveal her body in a suggestive manner. Normally, if the mother wears hejab, girls will start to want to wear it around 3 or 4 years, to copy their Mums and feel like a grown-up. Let them do it. Then, when they become hot, they will suddenly take it off, well, that's ok too. In Islam, a child should start to pray at 7 years of age, e.g. the parents should start to encourage him/her, so that the child get accustomed to prayer. There is no force in it yet, as the child is not mokallaf yet. In the two years between 7 and 9, a girl will become accustomed to the thought that she will have to wear real hejab when she is 9. In Iran, when girls turn 9 in 3rd grade, there will be a "taklif festival" at the school. Maybe that is a good idea for making the child realize that in some way, she is grown now.
Aminah
on
September 15, 2005
"Your observation that traditional Muslims always discuss what this or that Sheikh said comes from that way of thinking."
Sister Aminah, I don't think you understand what I asked. What I meant was how you mentioned that scholars such as the one who interpreted the analogy of Musa in his lecture, tell us to strive, so I was curious about what kind of advise you received in your country as a Muslim. Isn't it the same? Perhaps my question wasn't clear, it was general, I didn't mean for it to be answered with such great detail.
Some Muslims who choose to do Taqlid, i.e. following the opinion of scholars, do so because they are usually more informed about the root of our deen, Quran and Sunnah, they've spent many years of their life studying our religion, it's their passion and they've sacrificed time and effort for it, so if people ask them questions or look into their studies and opinions, isn't it understandable why they would do so?
Many Muslims don't have the knowledge of the arabic language and other things that are vital for correctly understanding the books of Sunnah and Quran, they are not able to open up a book and derive from a hadith sunnahs which we know today. This was done by the sahabas and those scholars after them who spent their days and nights studying what our Prophet left behind. Majority of the sahaba had different opinions on how to do different things because they all saw something different from the Sunnah of our Prophet (s.a.w.) and yet all of their opinions were correct! Yes Islam is about just the individual and Allah, but if someone wants to learn how to perfect their worship and followings of the Prophet then who else is there to turn to but the scholars, those who have admirable knowledge of Islam, and I don't see it as traditional either seeing as this is how many Muslims I have met practice Islam knowing that they've put their trust in someone who has adequate knowledge of Islam and it's fiqh etc. Didn't Allah say in the quran, "and when you don't know turn to the ulama and the ones knowledgeable" This is a command from Allah!
So again, my question wasn't to ask you about everything people discuss with scholars, it was general. But I just had to point out a few things here. If Muslims don't look to scholars and knowledgable people about how to perform their worship etc (to gain closeness to Allah), then how else will they learn about deen? By opening up a book and deciding for themselves?! They would be following their own desires then about how to do this and that. This doesn't mean that it isn't between you and Allah, it always is, but it isn't wrong or 'traditional' for someone to look to scholars for answers. Those who do should be admired for taking out time to learn knowledge, which in itself is a Sunnah of the Sahaba.
There are many ways to follow Allah and Islam, the Ka'aba has four walls yet whichever way you face it'll be correct!
The sahaba had many many differences in their fiqh etc, because they all studied from Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) and yet they never scorned each other or belittled one another saying 'you're wrong' I think we Muslims today should take a lesson from the sahabas. We may have different ways of following the commmands of Allah but that shouldn't play a role in dividing us.
Ok I've typed a lot now my hands are hurting, please forgive me if I have offended anyone, just wanted to say what was on my mind. Wassalam
Nadia
on
September 15, 2005
Nadia, I think Aminah was toward the end of her post responding to some of the issues I brought up in my post. I really find it amazing that some Muslims believe that its a big no-no to read Al Quran and Hadith and come up with you own conclusions. The argument that we would try to turn what we read to our favor just does not match with the nature of Muslims. We are Muslims who want to please Allah, we know we will meet with him. So to what end would we consciously or sub consciosly twist what we read. Even though we may not be scholars an 'average' Muslim (believer) would never do such a thing.
The Scholars themselves had minds that were blank slates, they also have human flaws and leanings, so why is it that they are totally immune from the acusation of misinterpreting what they read to their own benefit? Since they are equal in Muslim society why is there intial reading and understanding more valid than another Muslim who is also gathering knowledge? The difference between one scholar and those he teaches is information. Information about Islam that is publically and readily availible. If his student reads what the scholar has read then they become a type of scholar. Why should a Muslim deprive thereselves of information so they will have to consult someone else for information?
Tawba
on
September 15, 2005
Salamun alaikum to everyone. It seems the discussion is getting heated. Sister Nadia, I talked at length about taqlid and its value, likening it to someone consulting a doctor for their disease. The only thing I do not agree with is that one should choose one scholar and follow him blindly, without thinking for oneself. Without being allowed to say: "In this matter, I think he is wrong, I cannot accept that for myself." Even if we have studied less, still it might be that the scholar is wrong, and we are right. There are many ways to attain the truth, one of them is study. As an aside, even if this is going to offend some of you, unfortunately, not all scholars are pure persons. Taqlid gives great power to them. Iranian history is full of good examples of this power. I mean when scholars would issue political judgements, and people would follow them by the thousands. That was good. History does not record the instances when scholars issued fatwas that were inspired by their desire to keep their power and people would follow. There are two sides to every coin, you see? With the sentence you quoted I was referring to sister Tawbah, not to you. Do we need to just repeat what this and that Sheikh said? Why did we accept it? Because his line of reasoning convinced us, or because he is a Sheikh? If we are convinced, why not mention the line of reasoning as a proof, instead of referring to the Sheikh? And if we think that something is correct just because so-and-so said so .... well, why would we? Are we unable to go into the matter for ourselves? Everyone learns from other persons. I am arguing against blind following: Because so and so said so, I am not even going to look at why he said so???? The holy prophet himself explained things to people. "There is no compulsion in religion." Your heart has to be with it, and you need to understand in order to achieve that.
However, in order to respond now to sister Tawbah's last comment, coming up with own conclusions has to be handled with care. That is different from wanting to understand. The source texts are very difficult, and not everyone can read and understand them. I am fluent in Arabic, and still sometimes I do not understand what the holy Koran says. It is neither not referring to the scholars altogether, nor following blindly whatever a scholar said. There is a middle road. Blind following is bad. It is not good if 99% of the people just stop thinking, and only open the resalehs or call the marja's office. We need to preserve our ability to decide for ourselves, on the level we are equipped to do that. Most things in Islam are abundantly clear. Humans are Muslim by their fitrah, their innate nature.
Aminah
on
September 15, 2005
What a disappointment! Because of time difference, the only day I can log into chat is Friday, but there is nobody!
Aminah
on
September 15, 2005
Aminah very well put. I hope I didn't come off as being heated. We are all just having a nice discussion that I believe will be to the benefit of all of us. Its good I think for us to experience the different points of view, so we as Muslims will know each other better.
Tawba
on
September 16, 2005
I should have said "animated" not "heated". After all, English is not my first language. You are perfectly right sister Tawbah, it is good for us Muslims to have such discussions, and to come to know one another better. In sha Allah.
Aminah
on
September 16, 2005
Assalamu alaikum sisters, yes I think I did blow it up a bit, sorry I haven't properly read the last posts so I didn't know sister Aminah was referring to a point made earlier, I'm sorry if I sounded heated or animated, wasn't meant to sound like that. But then again like Both Sister Aminah said it's good to have conversations like this to get to know one another better. So forgive me sisters!!! :)
Nadia
on
September 16, 2005
Sister Deneer, have you ever considered getting tassled shaylas in? I've been looking around for some but can't seem to find any. I've always like tassles, I think it gives a shayla a more elegant look, I have one but am hoping to stock up on a few more. Do you think you'll be getting them anytime?
Nadia
on
September 16, 2005
Wa alaikum salam Nadia, Thanx for asking and inshallah we'll have some soon. Be sure to add yourself to our new arrivals newsletter;) wasalaam@
Sister Deneer
on
September 16, 2005
Salam to everyone
I did not take offense, on the contrary. Please, forgive me if I began to sound passionate, unfortunately, this is part of my personality. I have trouble staying cool.
The situation in Islamic countries is very different from that in Western countries. While it of course has its benefits to live in an Islamic country, there are also problems. Generally, the issues we face are those you don't face, or can handle with great ease, and vica versa.
Aminah
on
September 17, 2005
Asalamu alaikum all! Does any one have any smart responses to the common question "aren't you hot?????"
Sister Deneer
on
September 17, 2005
Assalamu alaikum, no problem sister Aminah, this is a place for us sisters to open up, I've met people from many different countries in the Middle East, but not anyone from Iran. I'm just grateful to Allah to have the opportunity to correspond with my Muslim sister who's on the other side of the world! Sister Deneer, your question made me laugh! Did someone ask you that?! Anyway that's a good point, what would you say?
Sister Deneer: Wa alaikum salam ya ukhti. I get that question all the time eh'. Aren't you hot??? Aren't you hot...lookin' at me like i'm crazy or out of my wits or somethin'. Well my normal line is "hey..rain or shine, this is what i wear". And you know when people ask you that..they're not really asking that beause of teh clothing you're wearing..they're asking that mainly beause of the hijab. Alot of people are not used to wearing something on their heads all the time. I feel really great in what i wear..like the jilbab mannequins on my site. Nice shayla, with elegant jilbab, and matching bag;) you gotta love it eh' hijab rocks!..wasalam!
Nadia
on
September 17, 2005
I was once told in Germany: "Go ahead, sweat yourself to death." I preferred to pretend that I don't know German.
Sister Deneer: Wasalam ya amina. youknow when the weather gets really hot..i swear i haven't sweat this summer despite the gaping 40 celcius heat. As long as you wear a nice georgette shayla, and light cotton gulf abaya or light georgette abaya, and 24 hour antiperspirant by i think it is "secret"..you're all set. So seriously...i didn't boil the last two summers since I've began to wear abayas and it feels great! wasalam!
Aminah
on
September 18, 2005
I knew a sister the used to reply "hellfire is hotter"
Thats a little too bold for me. I prefer to turn it on them. Afterall on a hot day everyone is hot. So the question are you hot always strikes me as slightly ditsy question.
A simple (implied duh') "Arent you"?
Then they are either forced to say yes and go on about there business or admit to the fact that they are referencing my scarf. If they reference my scarf I point out that being covered is more sensible in the heat than being half dressed. The air flows great in what we wear.
Tawba
on
September 19, 2005
Assalamu alaikum everyone, inshallah this reaches you in the bes of health and iman.
Sister Tawba: I love the 'duh' part, I'll be sure to use that next time! :)
My friend told me that when someone asked her if she were hot, she replied 'no, i'm actually cooler,because the clothes I am wearing (it was a Syrian abaya and hijab) are loose so they're air dynamic, meaning the breeze just flows right throught them'. The person who asked her this was impressed. But my friend told me she didn't stop but went ahead and said, ' you know it's become a trend nowadays for atheletes, especially women, to wear a small scarf or loose bandana on their heads while playing sports, because it's more air dynamic.'
So my friend ended the answer by saying that,'yeah so my clothes and scarf actually keep me cooler, and it protects my head from the sun rays also'.
Pretty neat huh!
In my college, my biology class went on a sort of field trip to this wide open space to look for fossils right underneath the sun!!! Anyway so when we got back, my classmate asked me 'aren't you hot??' and I told her exactly what my friend said!!
Nadia
on
September 19, 2005
Assalamu alaykum sisters,
My father asked me if I was hot, and I responded "it is never as hot as Hell will be if I dont wear it". He gently laughed at me.
Sister Rabiah (aka Roberta)
on
September 20, 2005
Assalamu Alaikum,
I need a bit of advice. This is to be my first Ramadan this year and I would really like to take part in the prayers and other activities at my local masjid, however, I have not as yet gotten up the nerve to go yet. I am nervous (not quite sure why) and am not sure what exactly is appropriate dress. I do not own any abayas or jilbabs so at this point I need to make due with what I already have at home in my own closet. Can any one relate? Can anyone give me a bit of guidance? Thank you so much in advance.
Masjid *Newbie*
on
September 20, 2005
Wa alaikum salam sister Newbie. The best outfit to wear at a masjid is a prayer outfit. Currently only $13.99 on our website. Hope this helps;)_ Wasalam!
Sister Deneer
on
September 20, 2005
Asalamu alaikum sisters! You know..there is quite a bit of controversy out there having to do with the color of the hijab that a sister chooses to wear. Unfortunately this causes unnecessary tension between some sisters. From my experience, I personally have worn many different types of colors and styles of hijab since i've started to wear one..and really...i've received no lesser protection from hijab whether it be a pink hijab or a black hijab. When i wear a colored hijab, or even with beading or something..i haven't been treated any different with the opposite gender. They still don't pay attention and still don't talk to me or approach me. Has any one else experienced something different to be against wearing colored hijabs or shaylas? Wasalam
Sister Deneer
on
September 21, 2005
Nadia, I am glad you got a kick out of my response:
In highschool I wore black scarves everyday and 3-4 girls at my school starting wearing them and others would ask me on a daily basis to bring some to school.
Now I wear a mix of light and dark and the reaction seems to be more positive with the lighter color than the darker colors. Other women have openly assumed that I must be in a good mood based on the color of my scarf.
I think it is because women here typically dress with their mood so they assume the scarf is the same type of deal...
Its funny what people assume sometimes.
Tawba
on
September 21, 2005
Salamun alaikum sisters.
I read with interest your comments on the colour of hejab. I think this is mainly a cultural thing. Iran is a country where black is worn a lot. It is considered chique, and it indicates that the person wearing it is respectable. That's cultural. Moreover, the Shiite faith very unfortunately has a strong incliniation towards mourning, because of the events of Ashura and the way the Imams died and all that. Many religious women (and men also)wear black on various mournful occasions, and then that has a way of being extended into every day life. As you probably all know, the Iranian hejab is the chador, which is black. In the villages and small towns, women wear colourful chadors, which can be very beautiful. However, town women wear black chadors whenever they go out. So, for a woman, wearing black means that she is refined and sophisticated. All this put together led to the habit of wearing only black hejab. For many years, the only acceptable colours were black, dark brown, navy and a sort of khaki colour, for the jilbab. Headscarves had to be dark, dark, dark. Recently, the young generation no longer adheres to this, and I tried to wear lighter-coloured hejabs too. However, I got all sorts of unwanted attention, and returned to dark colours in order to preserve my respect (I am not exactly young any more at 52 either).
In Lebanon, for example, even very old women will wear light-coloured scarves. Very light beige, white, light blue, light grey. Everyone will respect them. They don't have the culture of wearing black.
I think in the West, being covered is perfectly enough. In countries where hejab is the norm however, one has to pay attention to the colours that are commonly worn, in order not to stick out.
Aminah
on
September 22, 2005
As Salaamu Alaikum,
I want to share a quick story with you(Inshallah). I am a Muslimah that had stopped wearing hijab for the past few years now. I have been lost with my prayers (deen) and I felt a great deal of shame because of it, especially since I am a mother of three(and of my responsibility to raise them proper) My husband and I have had a lot of ups and downs and I feel in my heart that it was because of my lack of my deen. Recently, I started making all of my prayers and reading (Allah listens to him who praises him). My relationship with Allah has been strenghtened as well as with my husband. It is amazing how quickly my dua's have been answered (Alhamdulilaah). I had intentions on covering again for Ramadan and I said to myself how ridiculous that sounds when I know that tomorrow is not promised to me and I should act on it asap (Inshallah). I then have been blessed to find this beautiful website (The Canadian Muslim). I have not only found beautiful Abayas and Hijabs, I found inspirational information from beautiful Muslimahs that have played a huge part in my enhanced knowledge and encouragement(in such a short period of time) I want to say Allahu Akbar.
P.S. I am looking forward to my beautiful purchase from The Canadian Muslim (Inshallah). :)
As Salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullallah
Hurriyah (aka Angelina)
on
September 22, 2005
{**Smile**}
Sister Deneer
on
September 22, 2005
What happened to everyone??? Just busy, or is the topic not interesting?
Aminah
on
September 24, 2005
Let's talk about "hijab" bay-bee, lets talk about you and me, let's talk about hijab! salamalikum!
Proud Hijabi
on
September 25, 2005
Salamalikum all, I've been wearing hijab for a year now and its been great. what about yawl? how long you've been embracing your hijab for and what do you love about it? For me, my hijab keeps me safe, and it keeps me behaved..haahaha {^_^}
Proud Hijabi
on
September 25, 2005
Salaams
I visit this site a lot..and love it.
In my humble opinion, I just find the previous few commnets about not quite refined...
I just wanted to put my viewpoint across.
I hope you will take it in the light it was intended.
AsslamAleikum Wa RahmatulAllahi Wa Barakatuh.
Mominah
on
September 26, 2005
So what are you trying to say????? expliquez vous?
Proud Hijabi
on
September 26, 2005
Walekum Assalaam Sister
I was pointing to the rap song like lyrics alluding to hijab.. they originally belong to quite a explicit song.
I hope you will take this comment with the humble sincerity with which it was intended.
Jazak Allah Khair
Mominah
on
September 27, 2005
Elhamdulilah Allah judges by intent and to talk about hijab and how it affects you was a sincere call to conversation...so I appologize if you took offence...but nothin' wrong with a little light hearted humor
Proud Hijabi
on
September 27, 2005
As-salaamu alaikum Sisters,
Well on Monday I officially returned to work covered. So far no one has commented. One co-worker who gave me the biggest compliment when I uncovered looked at me as if she were disappointed. I merely smiled inside. Yesterday we had a major meeting so all of my fellow co-workers in my department treated me as usual. Another Muslimah who does not cover did not speak. I am taking that she was just preoccupied or something. Anyway it doesn't matter anymore I fear Allah(swt).
Right now I wear it my scarf tied to the back. Insha-Allah I will feel comfortable wearing it properly. Right now I am so glad that I have my hair covered. To all who posted I sincerely thank you. I have reread your posts several times. We must help those sisters who do not cover. So many believe that Allah knows what is in their hearts. Yes this is true however we have been commanded to cover I truly believe this.
Well let me end here. I love you all for the sake of Allah. May each of us as Ramadan approaches truly strive to come up a step higher in our deen. may Allah rectify each our situations and set them straight-Ameen.
Strivng4Jannah
on
September 28, 2005
Wa alaikum salam striving! ya salaaaam! mashallah you're beginning to wear your scarf again and you're almost there so great job! Its a start and hopefully in Ramadan which will be next week inshallah, and with increased prayer with sincerity you will have the confidence to wear your beautiful hijab traditionally. Net shaylas are wonderful for the colder weather. Right now i'm wearing a Mauve Trendy Middle Eastern shayla with a pastel lime cotton underscarf to match my jilbab and with a neck cover and its wonderful. There are many styles to experiment with sis and if you're in the area feel free to drop by and i'd be more than happy to find a style that's great just for you! Jazakallahu khairan and wasalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!
Sister Deneer
on
September 28, 2005
Assalamu alaikum and congratulations to striving4jannah on wearing hijab! May Allah keep you strong in your iman! To sis Deneer: How do I long into the hijab support group/chat room? I can't seem to find the link. Wassalam
Sister Deneer: Wa alaium salam. Click on the Hijab Chat animated banner on at the bottom of this page or go to the main page and click the image on our pictoral menu:) Wasalam
Nadia
on
September 28, 2005
I was looking forward to your post Striving, just wanted to know how everything went. You are doing a great job and with your attitude I am very confident that you will continue to grow and persevere in Islam Inshallah.
When you said that you smiled inside it reminded me of something. When I was a kid I used to watch a film called the Labyrinth. Its a long movie ,but basically it was about a young girl trying to fight her way to freedom and there was this one brute that was stopping her at every turn. In the end she found the secret that made him release his grip. She simply repeated these words,"You have no power over me". At that point all of the strange fantasy world melted away and she returned home...Congratulations to you.
May we all cultivate the pearl of Ramadhan, so it be a worthy gift for Allah subhana watalla.
Tawba
on
September 29, 2005
MOminah
on
September 29, 2005
Salaams sisters
Thanks 'Proud Hijabi' for taking my commnets the right way..:)
And sisters, your stories are so inspiring.. Jazak Allah Khair for all your inspiring comments..
Wasalaams
Mominah
on
September 29, 2005
Assalamu alaikum sisters,
Thanks for answering sister Deneer, I felt like giving myself a good kick when I saw it was right under the hijab blog! I've been so preoccupied with college that I think I'm losing it! Everyone please pray that Allah puts barkah (blessing) in my time, like maybe make it into a 48 hour day instead of 24!
I need some pronto advice sisters! I know this really nice Mexican girl who came to our masjid about 6 months ago wanting to become Muslim. I think she took her shahadah then, she was praying and fasting last ramadhan. I lost contact with her because she had moved and have just now been able to speak with her. She came to my house today and we talked about the questions she had, and planned to study together. Well she calls it 'studying' which is cool, but what she really wants to do is learn more about Islam. Her family is Christian and she's getting A LOT of pressure from her family, elder brothers especially. But alhamdulillah she's very strong-willed, I just hope Allah brings her to Islam completely and not change her mind!
Nadia
on
September 29, 2005
I would appreciate any and all advice all of my beloved sisters here can offer, how should I introduce Islam again to her? I have no idea what to do, I'm used to teaching children and I've never been in this situation before. I'm not sure if I'm even the right person for it! But she needs to learn, and I feel that if she doesn't do so now then something might stop her from doing so in the future. Last time she postponed it coz she had to move, I don't want her to lose the chance again. Inshallah Allah guides her to the straight path. Ameen.
One question she had was that in the Bible there's a verse, I can't recall exactly which one but something like: 'A call came from the heavens and God says he is my begotten child.' She said her family always throws this at her and tells her 'see, Jesus sacrificed himself for you' and she tells them 'no, he is the messenger of God not His son'
Well my question is what can she say about that line to her family. Correct me if I'm wrong, I hope I don't offend anyone, but I have heard numerous people tell me that the present Bible existing today is not the original. Is that true? If so then should she present that argument to her family and those that bombard her with proofs from the Bible? I think if she did then it would fuel the already existing anger and tension within her family.
Again, sorry if I've offended anyone, but I really need to know this to help her defend herself in these debates. Please everyone post some topics or advice you would give to a learning person. And how should I go about teaching her Islam? Can anyone here speak about their experiences becoming a Muslimah? Jazakumullah for your time sisters!! ( sorry if there are any mistakes in my posts, my head is killing me but I had to ask my wonderful sisters for advice!)
Wassalam.
on
September 29, 2005
You are perfectly right in saying that the bible is not the original one. The original bible was in Aramaic, which is the language Nabi Eessa talked, and it is not spoken any more today (except for a small enclave in Syria, and their Aramaic is different). The Bible is actually a book of tales about Nabi Eessa, compiled about 100 years after his death by disciples of the disciples, according to research by Christian historians. This is why we have four gospels written by four different authors (and research shows that every one of them may have had several authors), whose contents differ. In those times, people did not have the same concept as today of historical accuracy, so, some authors may have made up some stories to illustrate a point they wanted to make. Then, this collection written in Hebrew was translated into Greek by people influenced by Greek thinking. Also, it is always a risky business to translate texts written in an Eastern language into a Western language, just because the concepts of thought are so profoundly different. The Greek text was then translated to Latin, the so-called septuaginta. It is called like that because allegedly, 70 translators came up with exactly the same text. Reality probably is that the Church, at that time already well-established, wanted certain things to be written in the Bible, and certain things not to be in there. This is why today's Bible is not by any means reliable, let alone being the Word of God. The Bible has most severely been tempered with, but of course some of Nabi Eessa's sayings did survive and are in the Bible.
All this won't help the Mexican sister, as you say, it will only have her family up in arms against her. I did not have this problem with my mother and father when I converted back in the 70's. Maybe one could point out the many common features of Islam and Christianity, maybe she could say that being Allah's messenger is a very high station actually. Maybe she could also point out that actually, Islam, like catholic Christianity, teaches that Nabi Eessa did not have a father, that Allah created him directly and made him grow inside Hadhrat Maryam, his mother. That according to Islam, Nabi Eessa talked directly after birth. Read Surah Maryam to know more about the very high station of Hadhrat Maryam in Islam, who actually had "wahi" (approximately inspiration) from Allah, raising her to a station similar to that of the prophets, and that at a time when women were considered mere servants of men and completely inferior. At that time, Hadhrat Maryam, who was the only female temple servant ever heard of in Judaism, was commanded by Allah to join the high priests in prayer. Imagine, a young girl!!! And at that time, women were not allowed to take part in prayer.
This is an aside, but I think maybe the best way to soften this Mexican sister's family is to concentrate on Hadhrat Maryam's station in Islam, because it is so similar to catholicism, and her family are surely catholic. If they feel that actually their daughter did not reject many of the tenets of their faith, but that they believe the same things in many ways, maybe then they can accept the differences too.
I also think she should avoid confrontations, and talk in a soft and loving manner to them, as the Koran enjoins us to do when discussing matters of faith with the people of the book. Moreover, she might try and be a very good daughter, and go out of her way to serve her parents and help them in every possible way. She should stress that she does this because Islam commands her to do so. We have a hadeeth about a son who converted to Islam in the days of the prophet, and his mother objected, but he continued to be good to her and in the end, the mother accepted Islam, saying that this must be the best religion, if it makes sons being that good to their mothers.
If her family are very intellectual, she could point out that philosophically, it is impossible that Allah's self can be shared. Allah is eternal and infinite, and an eternal and infinite entity cannot be partitioned, because then it would become two distinct and finite parts, and two finits put together are finite, not infinite. Of course, there cannot be two eternals, or two infintes, by definition. Allah is all-encompassing, how can a person limited by time and space - as Nabi Eessa was - be all-encompassing at the same time?
Sorry if this became very long. During a short period in my life, I was very inclined to studying these things, but unfortunately it did not last. There must be books and websites dealing with these issues too.
As to hejab, she should point out that 1. the nuns wear hejab, 2. that she does not want to stay celibate, only she wants to marry a person who marries her for her virtues, not because she is pretty.
Aminah
on
September 30, 2005
Nadia I really feel for the sister she is in a tough spot. I think that she shouldnt concentrate on debate with her family. As it is fairly evident that they will not accept Islam ,going back and fourth in endless debate is not good in Islam. The sister can say the words that Allah has given us as a response to those stubborn and or arrogant people.
-You will not worship what I worship, nor will I worship that which you worship, so to you your way and to me mine-
This is such a powerful statement.I have said it before and it ends all arguments. This does not mean she will end the relationship she should still associate with her family, but religion will not be something that they agree about. She may have to say it on several occasions before they understand that she is very serious about her beliefs and is not going to change.
Tawba
on
September 30, 2005
Wa alaikum salam ya Tawba, you make a good point! I've been there before with my dad, and I even made reports titled "Discrepancies in the Bible" and another how prophet Esa, alaihi salam, conveyed messages of obedience to God to people in that time. There is a part in the bible where Esa alaihi salam said, "If you love me then do what I have told you". With these words it baffles me why some Christians see the good messages in the bible about modesty and obedience to God as something, catered to that time and that time only. In my opinion, I think the reason many Christians go astray outside of their belief is because there is no fortified way on "how to be a christian". The difference with Islam, is that we are instructed exactly how to be "good muslims", mashallah. We are told, how to look, how to speak, where to go, where not to go, and so forth so that there is a clear guide. Mashallah the Quran is a clear guide to how one should go about ones life as Muslim and the prophet s.a.w., the best example of it;) Wasalaaaam!
Sister Deneer
on
September 30, 2005
Nadia for your own info, you may do a search on The Council of Nicea. A conference held by Constantine where they consolidated the Christian idealogy and established the trinity. It interesting to me that the most pious of Christians were born and left this world before this conference was held, including Isa (PBUH) himself.
Yet the doctrine in the Church asserts all that do not accept the trinity are destined to hell. How do I know this ?I had to take two theology courses in college. I carried with me a very heavy Bible for an entire semester and read all of the Old Testament. It did nothing, but strenghten my Iman.
Tawba
on
September 30, 2005
Assalamu alaikum everyone and jazakumullah for your wonderul advice! Inshallah I will speak to her about the points you all mentioned! I'm sorry I didn't mention her name! Her muslim name is Salma, I don't know if she still goes by it, inshallah she does. Yes, Surah Maryma does do wonders in avoiding confrontations and showing people that Islam is not a 'foreign' religion, rather there are many similarities in Islam and other religions. Jazumullah again for your help! So should I present to her the argument about the Bible not being in it's original form? I have a very good teo-part book By Ahmed Deedat called 'Islam and Christianity'. In it he breaks up all the arguments into details to show the similarities and difference between the two religions, and he also goes into great depth about the errors in the Bible. Inshallah I will make time to read that. I guess I'm just apprehensive right now, there's also a learned scholar who I just found out lives in Austin, that's about an our away from my house. Inshallah I'm hoping to introduce Salma to him, he's very experienced when it's comes to things like this! Anyway sisters, I'll be asking more questions here so please bear with me! May Allah reward you for all you responses. Ameen!
Nadia
on
September 30, 2005
Just thought I would send the best of wishes to all who are to embark on their first Ramadan....
New Muslimah
on
October 3, 2005
As-salaamu alaikum Sisters Shukran for all of your kind words of encouragement. It means so much to me to know that there are sisters who sincerely care. Ramadan Mubarak to each of you and your families!!
Strvng4Jannah
on
October 3, 2005
Asalamu Alaikum to all and a happy happy Ramadan Mubarak to all of you from "The Canadian Muslim". Wa alaikum salam!
Administrator
on
October 4, 2005
Assalamu alaikum! Let me also wish everyone Ramadan Mubarak!!! May Allah make this month a means for us to become close to Him. Ameen
Nadia
on
October 4, 2005
Assalam Alaykum dear sisters and Ramadan Kareem to all of you ,I've been visiting this website for a long time and I'm so proud about it even I gave the link to all the muslim sisters I know,what I'd like to know is that are you going to have a store like a real showroom in a mall or somewhere rather that selleing through the net only ?? I think it feels better having a store so any one can choose and see the desired stuff ...what do u think??
Jazakum Allah kul khair and please don't forget to pray for our muslim people in Iraq,Palistain ,Afghanistan and all over the world
Loloshka
on
October 5, 2005
Asalaam Alaikum. I've read several of the posts here and I think this is a wonderful support site for muslim women. I grew up in a family with Christian parents who were not practicing. They did not share religion with either my sister or I because they wanted us to discover our own religion on our own time. Shortly after coming to college, I was introduced to Islam. That was over 2 years ago. Since then I have been practicing Islam i.e. Salat and fasting. I have not yet taken Shahada though. My parents know that I am "interested" as they like to call it, in Islam, but I don't know how they will respond. 2 summers ago I got to meet with some sisters who had returned to Islam from Christianity. They told me about how hard it had been for them as white Americans to return to Islam, and their own struggles with deciding to wear hijab, but how rewarding it was too. I'm ready to take Shahada and I'm mentally preparing myself to wear hijab at sometime in the future. It's difficult because I feel an outsider in the Muslim community at my university here. I don't know any Muslim women here, and am praying for the courage to go to the Masjid to meet other sisters. Could you share your stories with me? May Allah's s.w.t. blessings be upon all of you.
Julie
on
October 7, 2005
Assalamu alaikum everyone! First of all congratulations to Julie! Inshallah Allah will give you strength, we will all be praying for you inshallah! I have some questions that Salma asked me about the Bible, and I was hoping you all could help out, I'm not very familiar with Christianity so I need all the help I can get! First of all there is a prophecy of Prophet Muhammad's coming in the Old Testament. (that's what I read) It's the verse in Deuteronomy 18:18-22 in which God is talking to Moses (a.s) and He says: "I will raise for them a prophet like you from among their BRETHREN: and I will PUT MY WORDS INTO HIS MOUTH and he shall speak to them all that I command him..." Ok well, Salma's brother puts the argument forward that 'how do you know that's referring to Muhammad (s.a.w.) and Jesus came after Moses' but we've figured out that it implies Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) since God said 'I will raise for them a prophet like you' meaning like Moses. And we know that Muhammad (s.a.w) was more like Moses than Jesus, in terms of they both had two parents, and there's a lot more similarities between Muhammad (s.a.w) and Moses (a.s) that I can't think of right now anyway....God said the prophet will be from among their BRETHREN right? meaning the brethren of the Israelites, and not from the Israelites themselves. So can someone please explain to me how that means that the prophet must therefore come from among the Ishmaelites i.e. the Arabs (that's what a book I was reading said) I have heard that before but how does that imply that the prophet to come will be from among the Arabs?! We know that Abraham (a.s) had two sons, is it right that Isaac is of the Jews, ie. the Jews descended from him? If so then does that mean that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) came from the descendants of Ismail (a.s)? Jazakillah everyone, I have some more questions about that verse but I think I'd better take it one at a time before I get confused! Wassalam
Administrator: Asalamu alaikum Nadia and thanx for your question. Coming from a Christian background as well I too did raise this question. I learnt from my husband that it makes sense that prophet Muhammad s.a.w. would descend from arabs because the Quran is written in Arabic in its original form. So he told me that Arabic is Allah s.w.t. language. He said all the prophets were arabic not jews. The Quran refers to the prophets being Ibrahim(Abraham), No7(Noah), Isa(Jesus), and other arabic names that were translated into other languages there after. I remember asking myself why would Allah s.w.t. have the book written in Arabic and not in another language? It makes sense that Arabic is Allah s.w.t. language because there are many aspects of the Quran that we have yet to figure out. All other languages were man made and in these languages or even us humans trying to duplicate something like the Quran is impossible. This is what makes it a miracle and why it makes sense that Arabic is Allah s.w.t. language and that the prophets spoke Arabic. Wasalam!
Nadia
on
October 7, 2005
Asalaam Alaikum everyone! Nadia, you raise a good question. I'm not sure I have all the information that you need, but I can try to help. Christians believe that the only prophet left to come is Isa (Jesus) himself. They believe that Allah (s.w.t.) will bring Isa back to this world but in another form, as a person that no one will recognize. After that happens, there will be the fight of good and evil, Allah (s.w.t.) will prevail and that will be the Apocalypse. What you are talking about is in the Old Testament, but people chose to interpret it differently. You also have to take into account that the Bible was not written by Isa, it was written after he died by many different people and then compiled together. There are many different books of the Bible that the Church decided not to include, your answer might very well be in some of those scripts. Try reading the Gnostic Gospels. Wasalaam!
Administrator: Wa alaikum salam Julie. You and Jocah seem like you're sisters. She is also into reading the scriptures of the Bible and relating them to how Islam implements them already. Jocah are you there sis? I think you and Julie could be great friends;)
Julie
on
October 8, 2005
Assalamu alaikum and jazakillah for your reply Julie! Sister Deneer is right about you and Jocah! Alhamdulillah I found the answer to the question last night after I had posted here. I'll just give you a brief of what I read. Basically it's common knowledge that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) was a descendant of Ismail (a.s.) and he had a brother by the name of Isaac. Isaac's children are the Jews and Ismail's children are the Arabs. AND SO THE CHILDREN OF THE ONE ARE THE BRETHREN OF THE CHILDREN OF THE OTHER. The children of Isaac (the Jews) and the children of Ismail (the Arabs) are brethren to one another! So in the bible God said to Moses 'I will raise them up a prophet from among their brethren' So the prophecy says that the prophet would not be from among the children of Israel, but from their brethren... like Muhammad (s.a.w) was! Ok then that's cleared up, thank you for all your help! You know it's interesting to see how tha Bible relates to the Quran and how Prophet Muhammad is mentioned. I'm hoping to start studying more about it inshallah!
Nadia
on
October 8, 2005
Assalamu alaikum, ok I have another question that Salma's sister-in-law put forward, she said that in Christianity divorce is not an option and is basically forbidden unless there's the case that one has committed adultery etc. And she said that when she was reading the Quran, she was surprised to see how much detail it went into about divorce, she wanted to know why the Quran puts much emphasis on the rules of divorce if it is disliked. I told her that in Islam, there is a hadith of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) where he says that 'divorce is the most disliked thing that is allowed in the eyes of Allah.' So divorce is an option if there is a justifiable reason for it right? But I didn't know how to specifically explain to her why the Quran goes into detail about divorce, I think she may have been reading Surah Nisa'a. Can anyone advise me on how to answer her? Jazakillah sisters!!
Nadia
on
October 8, 2005
Asalamu alaikum! I think the Quran puts emphasis on divorce because Allah s.w.t. wants us to made an educated decision once it comes to divorce and marital discord referred to as "Nushooz". From what I understand, Allah s.w.t. wants us to be patient and review all necessary options in order to save your marriages inshallah. It is clear that if a wife feels that she fears abandonment genuinely, or there is a major personality flaw in her husband (anger management issues, or diseases of the mind or that she is not supported by her husband financially) she has the right to divorce him. From what I understand the God does not want us to divorce for minimal reasons like you no longer find your husband attractive, or desireable, or somethign minimal like this. I think if two people in marriage work together to please Allah s.w.t. then they will natuarally please eachother inshallah;) Innallah sameea 3aleem - Allah is all seeing and all knowing - Wa alaikum salam!
Sister Deneer
on
October 8, 2005
Asalaam Alaikum everyone and Ramadan Kareem! I've been reading some of the posts from earlier. To the *Masjid Newbie* I felt the same way. This is my second Ramadan, however, I didn't go to Masjid at all last year because I was so shy and didn't know anyone there. Last night I went to Taraweeh prayers at the Masjid for the first time! I was SO NERVOUS! But Hamdullah, I got through them and I even met two of the sisters there. Remember, Allah (S.W.T.) never hands us more than we are capable of dealing with. Allah (s.w.t.) will help you through everything.
Julie
on
October 9, 2005
Wa alaikum salam. I can remember my first time going to a mosque and it was with another muslim friend of mine, her name was Shereen. She wasn't practicing very much but elhamdulilah she was there for me to teach me how to pray and implement what I knew thus far at that point. I was nervous too going to the mosque for the first time especially if someone greeted me Islamically, because I would have no idea how to say it! haha Wasalam
Sister Deneer
on
October 9, 2005
Julie, Congratulations on your spiritual quest. The latest comments have given you some great advice such as looking into the book called the "Gnostic Gospels." Having read that you were not raised into any particular faith I would like to add some comments and make some suggestions. The first is that before you jump into Islam you may consider an in-depth study of all faiths. Do not simply believe what a few people tell you about this and that. Just as one would not be wise to try learning about Islam from your average Christian it is equally unwise to accept information about Christianity or Judaism from an average Muslim. An example from recent posts might be the above description that Christians believe in a return of Jesus and huge Apocalypse and fight between good and evil. While those Christians of a fundamentalist background (a literal interpretaion of scripture) believe this to be the case there are many millions upon millions of Christians from a wide variety of Christian denominations who do not believe the book of Revelation (story of the Apocalypse) in any way whatsoever to be a prophesy of things to come. There are many interpretations of what it actually is about to include a metaphorical story of the struggles of the earliest Christians. You might research this on your own. You may notice in your studies that when both fundamentalist Christians and Muslims debate scripture or Christian beliefs it is very often centered around Old Testament verses. Please consider that many millions of practicing Christians from a wide variety of non-fundamentalist denominations believe that the Old Testament is an important history of the Jewish faith and accounting of certain historical events. However, the various lists of rules and laws contained within it no longer apply. Many millions of Christians hold the belief that it is the teachings of Christ in the New Testament, the Gospels and even other accountings such as the Gnostic Gospels that is important. It is the following of the TEACHINGS of Christ that makes one a Christian. Not a belief in various made-up rules of the "Church" or any particular preacher or priest. Not any fudamentalist twisting of words of scripture. It may seem surprising that many Christians do not even accept the ideas of a virgin birth (this was often added to stories of heros and was said Julius Ceasar was born of a virgin long before Christ)
or other supernatural events. However, it is the TEACHINGS of Christ that is important to many Christians over anything else. For example, many Christians find the evangelistic television preachers highly offensive as Christ taught that one should pray in private. Many Christians believe the entire idea of the worship of Jesus and the Catholic worship of Mary to be incredibly offensive. Jesus Christ taught over and over about love, compassion and building a relationship with the one Father God, Allah. Not the worship of himself. These are only examples. Before you jump into any one faith please consider the following:
1.) Study the rise of religious fundamentalism across the globe in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam. Study the related political conflicts involved worldwide. Consider within yourself are you more or less inclined toward fundamentalsm. Do you believe in literal interpretions of various ancient writings or do you believe that perhaps even the ancients had room for metaphor, stories to make a point, teach a lesson or even just entertain?
Consider for example that a person raised in a fundamentalist group such as in the Pentacostal Christian faith would find it a much smaller and easier leap to revert to a fundamentalist practice of Islam than it would be to convert to say being a Presbyterian Christian. It is the need for strict and specific rules that is the common denominator. A Methodist Christian might find a Reform Jewish Temple more at home than he would an Assembly of God or Pentacostal Christian Church! See what I mean. You must study, study, study!
2.) Study such things as the incredible differences between Orthodox Judaism, Hasidic Judaism, Reform Judaism and the the incredible difference between Orthodox Christianity, the Roman Catholic Church, Protestantism. Then study the spectrum of Protestant denominations such as funamentalists (Pentacostals, Baptists, Assemblies of God, Church of Christ, Four Square Gospel etc... and the opposing non-fundamentalist Episciples, Unitarians, United Church of Christ, United Methodists, Presbyterians, etc...
Then also study the difference between all of the Muslim sects, Sunnis, Shiites, Sufis and all various branches. Then study Buddhism, Hinduism, and other major faiths. In other words be very EDUCATED and not very UN-EDUCATED before choosing a faith.
3.) Be cautious about choosing a faith because the people you are speaking to and learning from are friendly, moral, and it feels good to be in a group or accepted into a particular community. Be a true seeker of Allah or God and not a seeker of social constructs and human social interactions in the form of faith groups.
4.) Always seek what is true and holy in any faith as opposed to what is made up by various officials, past and present, to bring forth certain ideas for political gain and for acts of controlling the masses.
5.) Consider the cultural background of any person you are learning from. A Presbyterian from Canada will have a totally different idea of Christianty, than an Amish Christian in the United States, or a Catholic from Mexico. A Muslim from Egypt or Iran may have a completely different faith in actual belief and practice than a Muslim from Syria or Lebanon though it may be difficult at first for a non-Muslim to learn of these and the language barrier of a non-Arabic speaker is highly problematic in the study of Islam.
Just a few suggestions. A converson or reversion can cause irreparable damage between ones family and friends. It is an extremely serious matter. I believe it is extremely important for a revert/convert of any faith to truly educate oneself so as not to be dissappointed when the excitement of inital reversion/conversion subsides and the more intricate matters of a faith are discovered. It can be incredibly painful when the people who seemed so friendly, welcoming, willing to teach you turn out to be nothing but hypocrites of their own faith.
FYI
on
October 9, 2005
Elhamdulilah there is an ultimate Creator named Allah who is to be worshipped and who is most high. Despite what sects may exist in Islam, the fact is we all follow the same book which is the Quran. It was written once in it's original language of Arabic and remains unchanged. The Quran is a miracle because no one on this earth can duplicate or create anything like it because Arabic is Allah s.w.t. language and only he can master it. The Quran is Al-Haq (The Real), and a Guide for mankind. It teaches mankind everything from birth of man, to old age and then death. The Quran is a book of signs, to convince us that there is one creator who created us only to worship him. God does not want us to waste our time in this life waiting for us to make decisions for ourselve which he has already commanded us to do, because by God will, death is just a second away. So we must not make haste in studying the books of other mediocre man made doctrines, but spend that time doing whatever we can to worship our Creator, which is God who is Allah s.w.t. I was talking to this person one time about Judism who said that a man explained Judism standing on one foot and said "There is no set way on how to be Jewish". This goes the same for other religions and I've seen it with my own eyes in Christianity. Some women feel its okay to dance in the churches and call it worship, while others sit modestly dressed in loose clothing and speak with quiet voices. But in Islam, elhamduliah, it is very clear on how to be a Good Muslim and Allah s.w.t. tells us in the Quran in just a few simple words (Chapter 3:117, Chapter 11:11, Surah Nisa and many others) I've been Muslim now since November 2002 and it is the best decision I've made in my life because Islam is truly a way of life. It is true in Islam that, you cannot force anyone to see the truth, unless he wants it for himself first. Read the Quran from beginning to end and inshallah you will be enlightened.
Administrator
on
October 10, 2005
Asalaam Alaikum everyone. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I really enjoyed reading the FYI bit. It's funny because I did that. Before coming to college, my senior year in high school I started going to a Baptist Church with a friends of mine and reading the Bible. After about 6 months I realized that that was not what was right for me. Then after coming to college a friend of my Mom's was Buddhist, so I picked a book on Buddism and read it. It was very interesting, but still, not what I was looking for. My next religious venture led me to Islam. It hit home with me. It was one of those "Teach Yourself..." books. I was a very brief overview of all of the major pillars of Islam, and a bit about the history of the religion. Perhaps you're right, maybe I shouldn't have stopped there, I don't know much about the Jewish religion or Hinduism. My parents are Paegan/Christians so I knew some about African, Native American, Celtic, and Aborigional followings. I stopped my religious seach there because something changed inside of me when I read the book on Islam. As soon as I had finished that book I went back to the bookstore and got about 3 or 4 other books on Islam because I wanted to know more. That was over 2 years ago. This is what touched me, what felt right with me. As if everything that I felt was "missing" in the other religions I had read about or experienced was complete and the way that it should be.
InshaAllah you all are happy and healthy! Wasalaam!
Julie
on
October 10, 2005
Asalamu alaikum sisters! For those of you who also had Islam "hit home with you too" say "I". :)) "IIIIIII", it hit home with me too and it gave me a guide to follow. What's lovely about the Quran is that it repeats key points several times. One is about the Quran where it says "It is a guide and a mercy to those who believe" Wasalam
Administrator
on
October 10, 2005
Sallam everyone,
I have skimmed all of what you have said, in a big jumble. I am honestly not sure who posted what exactly at this point. So I will just put a general reply out there.
As far as the ethnicity of the prophets are concerned. I am no scholar by any means, but to my knowledge they were not all Arabs. Allah states that he sent prophets to various people, and those cultures rejected the message and were destroyed.
Also Ibrahim (SAWS) was the father of Jews and Arabs. Moses was a Jew by ethnicity and saved his own people from pharaoh.
Arabic is a beautiful language, but I do not believe it is the language of Allah. From my understanding it is the human language Allah chose to transmit his message with. Unfortunately there is a lot of ethnocentricity about this and some Arabs take Islam and the Quran as some out growth of their culture. When in actuality before Islam Arabia was the antithesis of Islamic beliefs.
Lastly I do not believe there is any significant barrier for a Muslim who does not speak Arabic to practice Islam. Most Arabs do not understand Quranic Arabic and are still able to practice. Allah made Islam for all people and would not guide non-Arabs less than he guides Arabs. Everything has been translated and we all have the ability to strive and become proficient in our religion as Allah wills.
Tawba
on
October 10, 2005
Indeed we are blessed thare is only one Allah! Joy and peace to all of you ! Just as I stated, going to a Baptist Church as a representation of "Christianity" would be viewed by many Christians as silly as to going to an Islamic terrorist training camp and judging this as "Islam." To say that Islam is practiced in a singular fashion is incredibly ignorant though this is a common misrepresentation. There are numerous violent struggles around the world between Muslims at this time due to various interpretations of what it means to be a good Muslim . In North Africa, for example placing a "dhimmi tax" on non-Muslims to keep them in poverty, drive them out of the land and even the killing of indigeous peoples is considered justified and allowed by the Koran whereas many Muslims would find this practice offensive. The beheading of perceived infidels is taken straight from the example of Mohammed, p.b.h., himself with those practicing this today and their thousands of financial supporters fully believing they are justified in the faith. Clearly many Mulsims would find this practice offensive. The practice of the Pillars of Faith is simple and indeed recognized by every Muslim. However, the reality is that the issue is much more varied and complicated. Islam has a wide spectrum of groups with various belief systems and cultural practices that run the gamut from the peaceful and merciful to whole governments who support "honor killings" of women and are supported by the faith leaders of their region. To say that Islam as practiced by a person living in a Western country is "true" Islam while the practices of Muslims elsewhere, such as honor killings, polygamy, dhimmi tax, is "un-Islamic' is highly erroneous and borders on personal arrogance. This is equal to saying that Pentacostals are "true" Christians while the ancient Orthodox Christians of Syria or Roman Catholics are "un-Christian." You can see how ridiculous this is. I don't want to offend anyone but dear Julie, You are a child of Allah! I am astounded that you would be advised to not study or educate yourself! Beware of this dangerous attitude. This sounds very similar to the ideas of the Taliban and other fundamentalist regimes that women ought not to study freely but accept what they are told no matter how absurd. I am also astounded that you sould be instructed that there is no particular practice of Judaism! There are thousands of years of Jewish writings and cultural practices, whole universities devoted to a particular form of Judaism! There are practices as varied as an Iranian Shiite Muslim from a Sufi living in Canada! Such a statement would be considered ignorant and offensive by millenia of Jewish peoples who are indeed people of the book! Oh! Here is an example in itself, Julie; some Muslim faith leaders adhere to the instruction that Jews are "people are the book" and ought to be regarded as holy people of God and respected while others teach it is more Islamic to regard them as infidels and they must repent and accept Islam. Fundamentalist Muslims maintain Arabic as the mystical language of Allah while others believe this medieval idea has its roots in the oppression of non-Arabic speaking peoples, indigenous peoples, and to maintain political objectives. That there is only one way to be Muslim is incredibly simplistic and overly idealistic. It is only true in that any particular Muslim may believe his particular pratice of Islam is "true" Islam. There are violent conflicts all around the globe being fought between Muslims who are killing one another at alarming rates to establish "true" Islam in their region. As this is "hijab blog" let us consider the reality that if a woman wearing one of the beautiful abayas on this site walked in to pray at a particular mosque she may very well be chastised and made to feel unwelcome if she was a) known to not cover at other times or b) be wearing the wrong color that is acceptable by that particular group of women. This may be cultural on the one hand but other Muslim women would argue at length that one way of covering is more Islamic than another or that their way is true while another is an outrage to Allah! And don't any of you sisters reading this say it isn't true becuse you know exactly what I am talking about! As mentioned on page 2 of this blog concerning the officials who allowed the 15 girls to burn to death in a school fire rather than come out into the streets without proper head covering (2002) are no less Muslim than those who would have disgreed with this act. The first simply believe the the girls were "unfortuate" and will reap their reward in heaven.
In other words, the idea that there is only one Islam as is often presented to a new revert is true in name only. The actual practice, teachings by faith leaders, acceptable cultural practices as to what is Islam and what is not is as varied as the peoples of the earth. So just be extremely careful my friend as you venture out.
FYI
on
October 10, 2005
I read your post and I respectively disagree with your argument. In that there really is only one true Islam. Islam unlike other faiths is not changed intrinsically by the whims or practices of people. In much the same way as individual human beings are unique. There is only one true me, though someone may steal my identity, say they are me, or mimic my behavior. Allah tells us as a sign of the last day that there will be numerous versions of Islam coming to the fore, but still only those that follow the true Islam will be granted Jinnah. We do not have to be passive viewers of this process we have Al Quran and Sahih Hadith to give proof to those that are behaving against Islam. Most Muslims who are doing wrong actions and saying that they are correct , really are ignorant of the truth. Once they here the evidence they tend to respect it and change there ways occordingly. These are the tools that we have to use against those who are creating mischief.
Tawba
on
October 10, 2005
OOPS FYI , I typed in your ID instead of mine The above message was written by Tawba, FYI is not schizophrenic.
Administrator: Corrected;)
Tawba
on
October 10, 2005
Just a general note. Please do not buy what you here in the press as the truth. When it comes to the press I assume I know nothing. The propaganda mill is running overtime and its only pumping out untrue things about us. It would really be sadly humurous if we were so far removed from the 'real-deal' that we the victims of propaganda actually start buying it.
Tawba
on
October 10, 2005
Julie,
I thought I was done but I can't possibly let the previous comment slide. I truly hope that Tawba did not mean to suggest that parts of my comments were based on propaganda. If so I would like to know precisely which parts. That Sunni and Shia are fighting one another in bitter and ugly battles worldwide is "propaganda?" That 15 girls were allowed to die in a school fire in Mecca (2002-Check Saudi Arabian resources themselves as well as Al Jezeera) rather than come out without hijab? That indigenous peoples are being oppressed and exterminated by Muslim governments in Africa? Julie, check this out for yourself and do not use Christian resources or even western resources as a safeguard. It seems the desire to cover up such events is more propagandist than letting someone know what is going on. If you are going to be Muslim you must decide who you are going to hang out with no matter what anyone tells you. Sunni? Shiah? Sufi? Ismali? Are you a Twelver? a Sevener? Why? Why not? These are major considerations if you want to be truly educated about your faith rather than just hanging out on the fringe as an ignorant woman.
FYI
on
October 10, 2005
Thank you!! You all give me a lot to think about. FYI, you sound a lot like my Mom! You're right though, this is an enormous step in a person's life. It's not something to be taken lightly and there is a lot to think about before making any sudden decisions. This has been an extremely slow process for me, day by day for the past two years, and I don't even think that I'm completely ready for everything yet. Everyone has their own path and needs their own amount of time in handling situations. I think you're right though, there is a big difference in culture and some people mold their culture and their religion together. I've come into contact with this several different times, having a friend from Pakistan telling me to pray one way and a friend from Morocco telling me something completely different, and what is halal and what is haram. I think if you read the Quran and are able to set aside cultural biases, you can find Islam in its true form. Having been "misguided" by several people, I had to discover this for myself. And in reading the Quran, I'm beginning to see that I AM capable of figuring out my own spirituality in Islam away from biases from other people. Both of you ladies have very good thinking about that which talk of. I really appreciate your concern for me! It makes me feel like I'm not in this alone!! Wasalaam and Ramadan Kareem ladies!!
Julie
on
October 10, 2005
Julie,
A final thought: the Zoroastrians believe that no person should ever convert. Rather they ought to strive to find what is good, holy, and Godly within their own faith. Before you force yourself to put on hijab, marking yourself publicly as hostile to the overall culture in which you were raised, possibly forever damage your relationship with family members and friends and identifying yourself in a time of war and terrorism with what may be considered "the enemy" in your enviroment, please consider putting the same amount of effort you are placing in discerning finding the 'true Islam' into finding what is 'true Christianity' as it is your cultural background,however limited. Even if it is only as an academic exercise. I kindly suggest you skip over the Baptists and consider the "United Church of Christ" as a start. ( NOT "Church of Christ" -entirely different.) I would suggest the same of Muslim or Jew wishing to convert to Christianity or otherwise.
FYI
on
October 10, 2005
Also, as you are a westerner, you may have not yet been advised as to the penalty of becoming an apostate. Very often in Islam the penalty for apostasy (leaving Islam after having been a Muslim) is death. So be very certain you are ready to be a Muslim for life, especially if you plan to marry a Muslim. Consider doing your own research on this topic as it is not as simple as just choosing to no longer attend as you may have done with your Baptist experience.
FYI
on
October 10, 2005
FYI, you give me a lot to think about. However, I was never raise Christian, I've never classified myself as a Christian. I've almost been "religionless" all of my life. I realize all of the repercussions that this decision could have on my life. But I know this is what I feel in my heart and there is no reason I would ever have to turn my back on Allah s.w.t. and revert to my past lifestyle or change religions. This is THE religion. I realize this is a big step, that's why it's taken me 2 years already. I'm not wearing hijab yet, and don't see myself wearing hijab in the next year. That is something I will have to pray on and wait until I am ready. I appreciate your concern! Wasalaam
Julie
on
October 11, 2005
Dear Julie, Child of God, and anyone else out there who has a heart or any compassion:
I write this at grave danger to myself so please do not take it lightly: As there shall be no compulsion in religion you must be allowed to hear the full truth which is often not openly available to westerners. I deeply thank the owners of this site for a place to voice what so many thousands have been muzzeled like dogs.
Sweet, young Julie, since you seem to have studied Islam for awhile you must have learned that Muslims are allowed to tell lies to non-Muslims when it is to the benefit of Islam overall. this is no joke. It comes in many forms. I pray you don not find out the hard way. If you choose to continue this please, please, precious child of God, research and study before you marry a Muslim man. As a westerner you will not be made fully aware of what this means. I pray the owners of this site will not silence my voice I tell attempt to tell you what may be ahead for you .
As a young western woman a venture with a Muslim man has a high chance of going like this: He will be the greatest man you have ever come across. he sill be charming, romantic, and treat you like a queen. If he is not particularly religious at the time (most aren't or pretend they aren't when wooing a western girl) he will be a fantastic lover. The marriage will be so exciting and truly wonderful. You will feel full embraced by the sisterhood of his family and friends that will far outweigh, at the time, any feelings you may have about abandoning your own family and lifelong friends. You will joyfully begin a new life. Perhaps a few weeks, months, even sevearl years down the road there will be a change. Somtimes slowly over time, sometimes drastic. You will be issues a new set of rules to replace your any lingering western ideas you are still holding onto. 1. you will no longer associate with any Kafir (non-Muslim) 2.When a male enters your home you will sequester yourself in the bedroom for the duration unless you are serving them drinks of meals. 3. You will no longer be permitted to work outside the home to escape this even for a few hours a day. 4. You must tell you husband your every move you are making when you leave the house. (Westerners view this as "obsessive" or "abusive" behavior but this only typical between Muslims) 5. You learn you must accept and submit as a good wife to all his sexual fancies at any time and if you do not he is allowed to lightly beat you (how about hat for an oxymoron!) untilyou give in. this is called by western women "spousal rape" but Muslim women regard it only as duty. If you make the grave error of leaving your proted western status to live elsewhere where real Islam is the norm you could soon be asked to help you prepare your home for the acceptance of a new wife to join you. And if you are a good wife and follow the will of Allah, you will help him choose her. If you find this way of life unacceptable you may or may not be allowed to leave. If you are allowed to leave your child behind, which of coarse we would never do. You may reach out in desperation to other women arounf you who wil ignore you. this is the path. Your lot has been drawn and and you are being "tested" by Allah and it is none of their business to interfere with his "plan" for you. Besides that, they do not feel your deep pain anyhow as they have never experienced another way and are busy with their own "tests." You will be left alone. There will be no legal recoarse. You will think often of the handsome, charming, wonderful man you first were overjoyed to discover and sisters who were so nice to you but now despise you for not fully submitting or for questioning and wonder where they went and if it was you or they who changed. You will look for the tiniest shred of that man to try to hold onto for your own sanity. You will search youself deeply to try to find the tiniest shred of the overjoyed girl you once were. Save yourself, Julie. Save yourself.
Administrator: How could you give advice or information on a subject when you are not Muslim and have not been touched by the gift of Iman????????? For one ...a muslim man who treats his wife like what you've described has no veil but to the fire.
FYI
on
October 11, 2005
FYI, was that your personal experience? Did all of that stuff happen to you? I'm SO SORRY if it did! That should never happen to anyone. However, I feel like you're talking more about problems within the so called "Arab Culture" rather than issues within the Nation of Islam.
Julie
on
October 11, 2005
As-salaamu alaikum Sisters,
Well today I officially wore proper hijab to work. I called a close sister of mine early this morning and asked her to make dua for me. Alhamdulilah the day went well. My dept even had a meeting and no one said anything. I also recieved a lot of "hellos" and "good mornings". Yes there were some shocked looks but alhamdulilah it went well.
I even took my ID badge picture over today. I assumed that the security staff would be a little aloof but the person was kind. I know in my heart that hijab is for me. I am grateful to Allah swt that I only took it off for a month. I pray that Insha-Allah I will never remove it again.
Sorry the message was so long I just wanted to fill you all in:)
I Love You All For The Sake of Allah
Administrator: Wasalam sister and good for you! Sister...I know you will feel nervous and I'm sure you're a friendly person. And no matter what question you get about your hijab, always be friendly about it and informative, and a little humor doesn't hurt;) For example, if they ask you "aren't you hot"...I say..."hey...rain or shine girl, gotta wear it;)"
Strvng4Jannah
on
October 11, 2005
Alhumdulilah Striving, I know we are all very happy for you and are behind you 100%. May this Ramadhan be filled with many blessing.
Tawba
on
October 12, 2005
You all are sooooooo funny! Islam is perfect! Islam is the one true religion! There is only one Islam! Yet when the holy rules of life, clearly given to you by Allah through the blessed Prophet, P.B.U.H. in the Qu'ran don't agree with you then it's all "well, that is just "Arab culture" not Islam. You are talking all the time about how Islam is so perfect, it lays out for you your every step from government, marriage and family life (how you can possibly say polygamy is not the holy example of Mohammed, P.B.U.H, is beyond me) to your toilet habits, wudu, if you will. However, when those in the West are uncomfortable practicing the holy laws of life given to you by Allah in the Qu'ran than suddenly those rules are just that old problematic "Arab Culture." Insulting! That the Nation of Islam, having been around for about half a century, is somehow more Islamic than Islam in the Middle East that has been practiced nearly a millenia and a half, that the holy rules as given in the Qu'ran and lived by example by the Prophet, P.B.U.H. don't really need to apply in the West is hysterical. "The Qu'ran is perfect! You say. Our way of life is clear! You say! Well, except this part, this part, this part and that part. Only the "Arabs" have to do that. You all are just as divided and hypocritical as any no matter what bull you try to spread out there.
on
October 12, 2005
FYI, I will not reply as I would be likely to do otherwise. Its Ramadhan. For everyone I am a sister to anyone who recites the shadah. That is what links us as brothers and sisters. I think I speak for all Muslims when I say that deciding who to hang out with does not keep us up at night. Our allegiance essentially is to Allah. There is no compulsion in religion. I can give her advice quote Hadith and Al Quran. I can not forceably change a sisters view, but I feel I am obligated to treat her in the kind way perscribed in the Hadith, to love her for the sake of Allah, and give sallams
Islam is a guide to make humans live up to their greatest potential. Muslims are kind, nice, and good people. What is good about me is my religion, what may be negative about me is due to my own personal culture or disposistion. It is my test to overcome those things. As our life is an act of worship. We as Muslims pray to Allah that all our actions are for him. When we fail it is our own failing to adhere to this beautiful religion. Allah is always right...Allah is always right...Allah is always right. He knows our nature to the full extent, better than we could ever dream to know.
Tawba
on
October 12, 2005
FYI Your last anonymous post just took me over the edge. Okay so heres a personal failing for ya. I cant help it.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHHAHAHAA.
I am smiling and giggling at my desk
Your head be dusted. You can not stop the sea with your hands...:)
Tawba
on
October 12, 2005
Julie, Join the Nation of Islam if you like but, as a friend and not to insult you, the Nation of Islam is considered totally freakish by the majority of Muslims.
FYI
on
October 12, 2005
That Muslims are nice, moral, and love God, as do most people who inhabit the earth is not in any way the issue, Let us not deflect.
FYI
on
October 12, 2005
FYI, I don't understand your anger and frusteration. I will pray for you. May Allah swt be with you through your hardships.
Concerned Sister
on
October 12, 2005
Asalamu alaikum sisters. I didn't get a chance to read the postings yet but if any of you feel that FYI is disrupting the positivity of this blog just say and we will do our best to remedy the situation. Jazakumallahu Khairan and wa alaikum salam.
Administrator
on
October 12, 2005
Not necessary kind Sister! Living the good life at my house!:)
Administrator: FYI. Thank you for voicing your opinion and inshallah your feedback has actually strengthened our believe in Islam. Do not post anything because based on what i've read thus far it is disrupting the positivity of this blog. Thank you.
FY
on
October 12, 2005
Asalamu alaikum sisters. We need to have more discussions about what a women's rights are in Islam. The Quran is wonderful because it is not harsh for those who follow Allah s.w.t. restrictions in order to protect us in this life. For those of you who have read the Quran will see how many several times the terms "Kindness" to ones wife is mentioned in the Quran. It also teaches us how females are more emotional than males and should not be dealt with is "Harshness". There are many authentic hadith on this subject too. The woman has the right to be taken care of financially to be clothed, fed, sheltered and children too. She is not required to work, spend money, or clean the home and if she does it is a considered an "Ibadah"(a worship) for her. So a man should not deem these things obligatory for the woman beause it is not. Before a husband marries a wife this should all be discussed before hand to prevent disappointment. As far as going outside the home, she is required to be with a maharam(guardian-brother/father/uncle/grandfather/...) This is what is best for her... So if you're going somewhere and it is possible for a maharam to accompany you with who ever is going with you...bring that person along because it is better for you and safer. A woman is not raised to be a slave and she is to be treated with the utmost respect and this kind of treatment is not (voluntary)... I've heard of situations where husbands treat their wife badly and brag how they can marry another knowing full well that Allah s.w.t. says (marry only 1 because it is impossible to deal with all justly)[except in the case of a severe medical condition inabling him to have children with her]. This "vain talk" also another term used in the Quran is just fuel for the fire and no one in any religion should live that way. In short, a wife has a right to be financially supported in every way and taken care of, and treated with respect, non-harshness, and kindness..and if she is..she will be a pillow for your heart. If both of them follow Islam and pray and do what they're supposed to do, inshallah they will be pleased with eachother. Hope this helps shead light on truth. Feel free to visit www.searchtruth.com where you can do searches on english terms used in the Quran (i.e. Forgiveness, Mercy, Kindness e.t.c. to see exactly what surah and ayat these terms are discussed in the beloved book of truth) Wasalam.
Administrator
on
October 12, 2005
In Islam Muslim men can have up to four wives provided they treat each equitably. This is not an impossible task meant to prohibit polygamy. Considering that the Prophet Muhammad had more than one wife and did not chastise any of the sahaba that followed him. Actually it was and can be a credit to a man that he is takes another wife. There was a sister in our community her husband was killed. They had ten children and the wife had NO way to support them or provide daycare options for them. All the women in the community were very generous in their criticism of the men in the community for not stepping up and marrying her. She never did get married and lived in poverty, waiting for her oldest son to be old enough to get a job that would support the family.
Long story short if we say that Allah forbid's polygamy because it can never be balanced arent we also saying that having a second wife is equal to commiting a sin.
Polygamy is allowed and lawful and I for one am proud of it. Its nothing to hide its one of the many things that makes us different. Polygamy is lawful in all three of the major faiths. Its just now a popular culture no-no. If you look at what popular culture agrees with it hilarious that they are looking at this 'lifestyle' as unexceptable.
Tawba
on
October 12, 2005
About the Mahram deal. Could you post dileel on that sis. I think that there is a distance caviat on that not going out of the house without a man. I have to admit I heard this from a sis that consulted an Imam on the issue (talk about your first hand information;) But in all seriousness he said that was in the case that you are going on a journey x number of miles away from where you live. Also is it your understanding that this is sunnah or fard? Thanks.
Administrator: Wasalam...I'd say its sunnah i guess. Personally I do this myself, and I feel safer when with a maharam when its possible for me. I think it just makes sense for a Muslim woman to be accompanied with a maharam when ever possible. I guess I like to be thought of as "delicate" and someone who needs to be protected by a loved one.
Tired of seeing my own name:) u know who
on
October 12, 2005
Wa alaikum salam ya Tawba, and sisters. I grew up in a western society so Polygamy doesn't really go right with me because of a little old bug called "Jealousy". I can't share my hubby with anyone...but if it calls for a situation like I am disabled and I have no one else to support me..then it is actually a protection for me. For that reason i am glad Allah s.w.t. gives us this option in sensitive cases. Wasalam
Administrator
on
October 12, 2005
This is why I really like you Tawba! I have read all of your postings on this site. I am in total disagreement with you concerning faith practice however you are no hypocrite of your faith but a true believer and champion. This is truly admirable. Even if you have no knowledge of what it would be like to be wife #2 and have your man come to you after recently being inside another woman you stand firm with the wishes of Allah. Bye everyone! I am signing off.
FYI
on
October 12, 2005
Asalamu alaikum and Ramadan Mubarak everyone! How's everyone doin' this Ramadan? Well you know how Ramadan month gets longer every year..i think it is by 1 hour or so. I remember on my first Ramadan it was 10 hours of fasting I think...and I remember how I tried to get through my first couple days of Ramadan while sleeping during my fasting time because I was new to it and I had no idea how I would handle the hunger feeling. And what I would do is just get up to pray. Not a good idea eh'...because they day goes on forever. From talking with other wonderful sisters, you're actually supposed to go on with your day as normal....such as going to the mall, going to work, running your errands e.t.c. and the day will go great inshallah. Listening to Quran, reading Quran or spending time at the mosque makes you stronger and have more conviction inshallah. So if you have this opportunity by all means;) Ramadan is a great month because it's the month of forgiveness mashallah. Let us know how this Ramadan has changed you;) Jazakallahu khairan and wa alaikum salaaam!
Sister Deneer
on
October 14, 2005
Assalamu Alaikum to all...
I am just posting because I wanted to share with everyone that I spent the whole weekend wearing hijab. I know for some that may not sound like such a huge deal, but for me, it took quite a bit of courage and support. I was surprised about how it felt, to actually leave the house wearing it. I felt proud, and yet somewhat scared. I felt like at any moment someone would wonder why this blonde haired (obvious by my eyebrows), fair skinned and blue eyed woman was doing wearing hijab. But all went well. Although I am not sure if I am ready to wear it 'full time'yet, I know that it was an important step and with the guidance of Allah swt, it will come soon. More than anything I think I was fearing the idea of someone actually asking me why I was wearing it. Do I really know how I would respond? Would I be able to explain properly? I still have some work to do. The person I was with did mention that I got a few long stares from your 'average' Canadian women, maybe they were curious.....who knows...anyway, I just wanted to share a little bit. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Feeling Good!
on
October 17, 2005
testing, posts has not worked for me for a long time , has this happened to anyone else
Test
on
October 18, 2005
working?
test
on
October 19, 2005
Posts are working
Administrator
on
October 19, 2005
Al slamou elykoum wrhamtou allah wbrkatou sisters, and Ramadan moubark,
Touching on polygamy and being wife #2, this is almost like taboo even though it’s lawful, more so in the western hemisphere, I know many of us are willing to be wife #2, however because of how society is, we are afraid or don’t have a true chance to do it!!!!
wal slamou elykoum , sister Khaleda
Khaleda
on
October 20, 2005
Posts did not work between 14 and 17 October it seems. I hope everything is ok now.
Aminah
on
October 20, 2005
Assalamu Alaikum sisters,
I need an urgent reply from anyone that knows about Shiites. I am auditing a book about Shiites and found this statement in a book, I want to know if it is true or not.
"The shiites islamic community most be led by a relative of Muhammad. Because Shias believe their imams have been chosen by God, they consider them sinless, with final authoriy to interpret God's will."
Tawba
on
October 21, 2005
Salamun alaikum. There are two comments I would like to make: 1. Polygamy: Polygamy is a way to protect society from corruption, and a way to ensure that all women can enjoy at least some marital happiness. However, it can bring a lot of suffering for the individual woman. Khaleda says that "many of us would be ready to be wife no. 2". Well, did you ever stop to imagine what it is like to be wife no. 1 in a polygamous marriage? Wife no. 1 after all experienced how it is to live in a monogamous marriage. Then, suddenly, her husband wants to take a second wife. It is wife no. 1 who will feel left alone, wife no. 1 who will incessantly ask herself where she failed so that her husband wanted another wife, wife no. 1 who will feel that she did her best and it was still not enough. It is wife no. 1 who suffers. Please, everyone who thinks about becoming or indeed becomes wife no. 2, stop a moment to think about what no. 1 is going through. I am not absolutely arguing against polygamy, but one has to see the pros and cons, and to think about how to deal with this situation if it arises, everyone: no. 1, no. 2 and the husband. With regard to Shiite beliefs: The Shiites believe that after prophet Mohammad, there were 12 Imams descending from him through Hazrat Fatemeh and Hazrat Ali, who was the first Imam. Those Imams were infallible according to classic Shia theology, although lots of discussion are going on about that point at the moment. The 12th Imam, Imam Mehdi, did not die, but disappeared and is believed to be still alive. He will come back to establish the rule of justice all over the world. In the meantime, very strict Shia believe that they should not get involved in government and should just wait for the coming of the Imam. But as is evident from the existence of the Islamic Republic of Iran, there are lots of scholars who believe otherwise. After Imam Mehdi there were no more infallible persons, so that no scholar today can claim infallibility.
Aminah
on
October 22, 2005
salamalikum all! Najwa Karam, a famous arabic singer from lebanon, is a second wife and heard she's happy with it. Heard she lives in Ontario...Didn't hear anything about wife number one though :/ This may be a stupid question but why not polygamy for women?
Curious Niqabi
on
October 22, 2005
Thanks Ameenah for the info on Shiites. Very Intesting.
On the issue of why not polygamy for women:
1st Until recently there would be no way to determine who is the father of the child
2nd Men would kill each other atleast 50% of the time
3rd There are more men then women in the world so it would be working against the laws of nature and common sense. There would be a lot of angry childless women and a queen bee type of effect for the fortunate gorgeous and wealthy women.
4th Most importantly Allah does not permit it.
Tawba
on
October 24, 2005
Correction more women than men in the world :)
Tawba
on
October 24, 2005
Walikumsalam , you're right..it would cause more harm than good. Just an idea:) elhamdulilah our creator is a genious
Curious Niqabi
on
October 26, 2005
Salamun alaikum, I never thought about what would be the effect if women were allowed to have several husbands. To tell you the truth, I found the idea disgusting.Apart from the issue of who is the father of a child, it never occurred to me that in fact, it would work against the interests of women, by indeed preferring those who are beautiful. We would all become obsessed with being pretty (I mean those of us who are young enough)and no woman would ever be appreciated for who she is. Indeed thanks to Allah that He knows best.
Aminah
on
October 26, 2005
As-salaamu alaikum Sisters-Insha-Allah each of your Ramadans ar going good thus far. I made it to day 19 and I started my menses I was disappointed. Insha-Allah I will be able to begin again Sunday. I am planning on feeding some hungry people to be excused for the days that I missed Insha-Allah.
Feeling Good-Insha-Allah you are becoming stronger wearing your hijab! If you read some of the earlier blogs you will see how I struggled as well. Alhamdulilah I have been covered properly at work for the past three weeks. I am no longer concerned about how others view me. I have even gotten some compliments:)
In regards to polygyny we must embrace and accept it as Muslimahs. Allah (swt) has allowed it for various reasons. I truly see the benefit of it. No at the moment I am not involved in a polygynous marriage but I am not so adamantly against it as before. I see the benefits.
In regards to the women with more than one spouse of course the identification of the father would be of the utmost. Also how can a woman sincerely fullfill her duties as a wife if she had more than one husband? I would be pretty tired:) No I am not just talking physically either. Look at all that it takes to run a home. I am not sure about you all but although I work outside of the home there is always something to do once I get there.
Well let me go. I look forward to posting soon Insha-Allah.
Your Sister in Islam,
Strvng4Jannah
Strvng4Jannah
on
October 28, 2005
walikum salam striving! HAHAHA that's a good point..she would be pretty worn out! Elhamdulilah we have a creator who knows best
Curious Niqabi
on
October 29, 2005
Assalam alaikum sisters!!
Is this site not going to be selling abayas anymore? That's too bad...because the designs are REALLY PRETTY!!! I've been salivating over them for ages...(because I don't have enough money to buy them :-() It's a real shame...
Wassalam and hope all of you had a blessed Ramadan!!
I am new to wearing the hijab (no body in my family does), but i was convinced. However, i have come across the argument that :
1)If hijab was so important then why didn't Allah in his wisdom actually say within the Quran to cover one's head. He just says to dress modestly and to draw our veils over our bosoms. 2) Further he says that he does not intend to make our lives difficult. This makes it easy for people to remainname=Clarity,Salaam walikum,
I am new to wearing the hijab (no body in my family does), but i was convinced. However, i have come across the argument that :
1)If hijab was so important then why didn't Allah in his wisdom actually say within the Quran to cover one's head. He just says to dress modestly and to draw our veils over our bosoms. 2) Further he says that he does not intend to make our lives difficult. This makes it easy for people to remain modest depending on whatever culture they live in. Eg: Saudi and US have different 'modesty' standards. 3)The reason why people wear hijab is because it is a cultural thing from Arabia. Just like any national dress, and it has just infiltrated into religion. 4) Also, to say that Rasualallah has said so is to idolise his opinion over than of Allah (naodubillah)"
Please help me clarify this contradiction. I am so confused! I do not know what to think anymore!
Administrator: Asalamu Alaikum,
Thank you for your email sister and we appreciate your communication on this issue. It is perfectly normal to be confused on the issue of wearing hijab for those who are new to the whole issue.
Re (1) You're right and it doesn't say exactly that we are to cover our heads but at the same time we must look back to the time when the Quran was revealed and how the prophet s.a.w. showed his people how to implement it. In the time of the prophet s.a.w. he felt it necessary for woman to wear loose clothing as well as cover their heads, and some even their faces. Allah s.w.t. tells us that when we follow the example of the prophet s.a.w. we are also obeying Allah s.w.t. In addition, when we look at the issue of wearing the hijab in traditional way, even the unbelievers recogniear any color and the unbelievers get the message that your attire is still for religous purposes.
Re (3) I disagree. I feel in my heart that Allah s.w.t. wants us to dress modestly and cover our heads because the head of the women is her beauty as well. As a reverted muslim, and i've heard stories how other reverted muslimahs dressed modest by wearing loose layered clothing, long skirts and no hijab...but they were still approached by males in appropriately, including myself too. But when i added a hijab to my already existing modesty clothing it was like "bam" they got the message that "hey...she's not like other girls". Hijab in compilation with lowering ones gaze is important as well. Re (4) I disagree. The Quran clearly states that to obey the messenger s.a.w. is to obey Allah s.w.t. This exact statement is found in Surah Al-Nisa, Ayat #80
(14) He who obeys the Messenger, obeys Allah. But if any turn away, We have not sent thee to watch over their (evil deeds). (Chapter #4, Verse #80)
In regard of the beauty of hijab, I think what makes hijab most beautiful is how it protects the woman and it helps keep the shaytan away because in wearing it you are worshiping Allah s.w.t.
Before you wear hijab as yourself the following questions first:
1. are you praying and ontime?
2. how do you feel when you are looked at in a flirtatious way by another male who you know is not interested in a long-term commitment? How do you feel when you are complimented on how you look by another male. How bothered are you by this on a scale from 1-10?
www.searchtruth.com is an excellent site where you can do phonetic searches on English Quran and Hadith.
Wasalaam!
Clarity
on
October 31, 2005
Salamun alaikum and eid mobarak. I just wanted to comment on Striving4Jennah: Striving, you have to make up for the days of fast you missed by fasting an equal number of days during the year, before next Ramadhan. Missed fasting has to be made up for by fasting, as long as you can fast. Only if you have a chronic disease preventing you from fasting all the time you can make up in other ways. Even then, you don't feed anyone, you just pay a tax for every day, unfortunately I do not know its amount just now. It is not much. Feeding hungry people is a way of making up for days of fasting you missed on purpose, e.g. you would have been able to fast, but chose not to do so. Making up for ONE day of fasting missed that way has to be made up by 61 days of continuous fast. If you get your period in between, you stop for the days of your period, then continue right away. If you are physically unable to do that (it is rather demanding) you can feed 60 hungry people for every day of missed fast. I am not sure, but I think you should wait on them yourself.
Aminah
on
November 2, 2005
Walikumsalm. Sis Amina? who is the narrator of this hadith regarding the missed days of fasting?
Curious Niqabi
on
November 3, 2005
Asalamu alaikum everyone & Eid Mubarak to you all! Jazakumallahu khairan and wa alaikum salam!
Sister Deneer
on
November 3, 2005
Surah al-Baqarah, Aya 184 says that a person who missed fasting due to sickness should make up for the lost days on other days. Only those for whom fast is difficult can instead feed "miskeen" persons ("miskeen" being a degree of peverty)
Aminah
on
November 3, 2005
Hello ladies! This is my first time posting.
I am a new Muslim in the USA. I reverted this year. I started wearing hijab about 2 months ago. I started wearing it because i started working and there were a lot of men there. I have noticed men acting very idfferntly to me, its nice. They dont treat me or look at me like other women.
However, my husband thinks it is unnecessary, he says it is going beyond the call in Islam. He is also Muslim but very feminist. He thinks hijab is a good idea for work and going out, however he says sometimes i shouldnt wear it going out to dinner with him. I think i have not worn it 3 or 4 times ever. Also i didnt wear it when i went through an airport:) I am very paranoid about that.
I have had lots of ppl stare at me and look at me like they wanted to kill me because of it. This makes me really mad, and sometimes scared. I am white, so i think they are confused, like why is one of "our people" wearing it. People are surprised i am American and Muslim. I was born in the south, my parents are like your typical red-necks too:) My hubby is from Bangladesh and extremely forward thinking, i am very blessed! He only wants the best for me, adn wants me to dress and be how i want. He also does not make me work, it was my choice, it makes me have a sense of accomplishment.
I want to say i am so sorry to read about the other ladies on this post that have had bad marriages. It is not a Msulim thing, many men in the usa and west treat there women the same way. Many Americans go through the same, i know the cultures are very different, however all women suffer all over the world. I pray for all of you everyday. Women all over the world are treated as second class, however we all have to give thanks to Allah for the good men of the world that protect women and stand up for them.
Well i would like to talk to all of you.
Best wishes to you all. Eid Mubarak, this was my first Eid!
Salaam
Aminah from USA
on
November 3, 2005
Salam and eid mobarak to all of you again. Aminah from USA, you are blessed with a good husband, make him be blessed with a good wife. As to hejab, I am not as radical about it as some sisters on this site. I have lived in the Arab world and Iran all my life, and I see many women who do not wear hejab, but they are still modest and everyone respects them. However, it is Allah's command to wear hejab, so, in the end, we can be sure that it is correct as well as necessary. As for going out to dinner .... yes, I also feel sometimes that I would have liked to be with my husband, AND beautiful, on festive gatherings, also like weddings etc, where the genders have to be separated. Unfortunately, that's not possible. Allah knows best. Does your husband want to show off with you? Do you want that? Is it right? It is a misconception of feminism that it means freedom for women to show off their beauty. It means slavery. We want to be regarded as human beings, not as some beautiful item, don't we? Your beauty is an essential part of your marital relationship, but has not place in your relation to other men.
Aminah
on
November 3, 2005
Salaam to another Aminah!
As for going out to dinner, my husband does not want to show me off, it is nothing of that nature. He doesnt have those type of intentions. He just likes my hair:) But i agree with you that you can be modest with hijab, and i always am dressed modestly, and my husband never asks me not to dress modestly when we go out, i think he just likes to see my hair down.
I am going to buy some new jihabs, i think polyester is a good material for hijabs..any thoughts on this?? I NEED to order some hijab pins, i have ruined so many of mine with ripping the bobby pins out, and there are little holes. Also i am very excited that i found a new way to wear the hijab that looks great on me, it took me a few months, but i think there must be a million ways to wear it:)
I have never been to an Arab country, i want to go to Dubai next yr. I love Arab clothing, for some reason it is what i just natually like. I am not a jeans and sneaker kind of person.
I think it is very interesting in the West, esp the USA, wearing hijab gets you more attention than i think it would in a Muslim country. If the point is to be modest, and if modesty means not standing out to be stared at, it kind of does the opposide for me...
Also, I feel that it can look very pretty too, i know it is not about the fashion with hijab, but i like to wear nice pins and have them match my clothes. :)
I am the only one in my family that wears hijab. My parents are Christian and i thought would absolutely die if they knew i was Muslim, but i dont care what they think and i dont seek their approval. I think too many people seek approval of their parents and family friends, and then they are the ones criticizing you!! And my husband and brother in law dont particularly like my hijab, and they sometimes make fun of me, but they arent mean to me. I just sometimes feel i dont have the support i would like. I dont have any female Muslim friends, i just have met them or the ones i have met were kind of extreme in their thinking.
Hope to make some friends soon:)
Aminah
Aminah from USA
on
November 4, 2005
As far as I am acquainted with them many Muslim men from the Indian sub-continent do not see anything wrong with women showing their hair. Culturally, some contries seem to attach greater importance to strict observance of hejab than others.
Aminah
on
November 4, 2005
My husband's mother doesnt not wear hijab, and never has. I have heard a lot of people's opinion that hijab is more of an Arab thing, that a Muslim thing. And to Arabs it is essential and to others more optional?? Any thoughts on this?
Aminah from USA
on
November 4, 2005
Walikumslam sis aminah from usa...like you said...especially living in a western society, there is a difference in treatment from men and won't look at you like they do other women. but as some advice to you sis aminah from usa...dress up more for your husband while inside the home..it seems he likes to see you dolled up and don't get that much unless going outside. I think if you do that..then he won't miss u letting your hair down outside..coz he already sees you beautiful alot inside home. Its his right too. wasalam
Curious Niqabi
on
November 4, 2005
the difficulty is that the aya on hejab is not quite clear to us today. It talks about the "khimaar" which should be used to cover the "joyoob". Both terms are ambiguous for today's linguists, but I am sure in their time they were abundantly clear. I personally am convinced that the term "khimaar" stands for a kind of big scarf or shawl that was draped over women's head. When one observes the way women who live in the desert dress today one will see that they always cover their heads, and so do the men. It's a necessity or else you get sunstroke. So, the Aya commands that the khimaar should be used to cover women's joyoob in addition to their head. I think despite the fact that the term "joyoob" means "pockets" in modern Arabic, in the Koran it serves to describe the region between the chin and the lower part of the chest, it is mostly translated as "bosoms" and I think that makes sense. So, we have the khimaar covering the head (which was self-evident to people at the time) AND the bosom, which they evidently needed to be told. It is imagined that dresses were open at the neck, with a slit down the breast, to allow the dress to be put on and taken off. There were no buttons and zippers in those time. That means that women's breasts might have shown through that slit, so, cover it up. In the end, we come out with today's hejab requirements. There are a number of hadeeths also specifying the degree of covering for women, from head to toe, with exception of hands and feet and face, and also specifying that dresses have to be loose and not transparent. There is a general consensus among all Muslim scholars from all different sects about hejab. Nevertheless, in some countries, culture deviated from the principle. But hejab is not an Arab thing, in Iran for example, extremely strict hejab was observed until about 50 years ago. Same for Turkey. Even in India, there is purdah, which means complete veiling of even the face, and seclusion of women. Women who are out of purdah do not cover their heads any more. That's cultural, not hejab. Niqabi's advice is sound. Make yourself pretty inside the home, and neat and presentable in your hejab outside the home, then, I think, your husband will come around. It IS a bit difficult for them, I think, to accept that you, the American, sort of is becoming more Islamic than they are. Try to keep it low-key for that reason. Its your decision, you want it. Don't go around proselytizing for it.
Aminah
on
November 4, 2005
Sorry, I can't give you the exact ayah, the search site does not load at the moment.
Aminah
on
November 4, 2005
The exact Aya is: Surah 24 (Surat an-Noor, the light), verse 31: And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms .....
Aminah
on
November 5, 2005
Hello curious niqabi,
I do not need to get dolled up for my husband when i am at home. I pretty much look the same all the time, and he is no more or less happy if i dress a certain way.
I thinkn there is a really big difference in culture here, i have to talked a syrian girl who said similar things to me. That her husband asks, or makes, her get dolled up at home with lingerie and makeup and hair. To me that sounds like she is his prostitute. I mean from the way she described she did what he wanted and he has his way with her. To me, and i believe this is more than my opinion, it is TRUTH--that if ANY man treats a woman that way he simply does not respect her or care about her hapiness. Even Muslim and Arab men, who are taught that that is ok to do, still wouldnt ever treat their wife that way. I am sure it is rare though.
I totally understand the reason behind hijab and covering when going out. Men treat me very well, they dont stare at me and repsect me when i am in public. This is very nice and makes me feel so much less bothered. BUT this has nothing to do with a husband and wife relationship inside the home, and in their personal lives. This is where cultures differ. Because i am covered outside doesnt mean i need to compinsate inside to make my husband happy. I think that men, Muslim and non-Muslim simply do not respect women, it comes down to that. When we women cover it keeps men from looking at us sexually and makes them know we aren't "that way". However it doesnt stop the fundamental problem, which is men think women are their servants and are born on this Earth to please them.
If women let the men do this to them, when they could choose not to, i know in some cases it is not that simple, or cut and dry, but when women choose to let their husbands tell them to doll up so they can have their way with them sexually whenever they want, the woman should be in the mood and willing and excited about it. If not you call the police. It is as simple as that, and this doesnt go against Islam. Women are supposed to be companions to their husbands and be equal, if they make you have sex with them or beat you because you wont have sex with them, they are wrong, and if a woman for once instant believes the man is NOT wrong, SHE is the one perpetuating her own misery.
I have learned all of this through many experiences, i have had a hard life, and a long one, though i am only 22 yrs old!! I want to share this with you that want to listen, or read actually, because these are all womens fundamental rights. I myself didnt know this too long ago.
Best Wishes to all.
Salaam
Aminah from USA
on
November 5, 2005
I do agree with you one the whole. I also think that a woman should be respected as a human being, just like a man. However, making oneself pretty for one's husband does not interfere with that, does it? Some feminity is a good thing. Let me tell you, Aminah, that you are extremely lucky or better blessed by Allah to have found your husband. Contrary to what you think, most men are not at all like he is. I many, if not most cases, women have very little choice. I also feel that partly, women are to blame for their own situation (including myself), but social pressure is extremely strong, and in many cases the woman is just not able to resist. There is a reason after all why men are supposed to provide for women. Women are vulnerable, especially as long as they have young children. Unfortunately, in most cases men consider it not their task and Islamic duty, but a favour to their wives that they provide for them. Things are changing, but very slowly. Maybe it is interesting for you to know that I am exactly 30 years your senior. May Allah bless you with a long and fulfilled life.
Aminah
on
November 6, 2005
Hi Aminah,
I think that women's situations are somewhat in their control. As in they can choose to go against society and stand up and say no to this. But a life like that, they will always be an outcast and have a very difficult life, and face a lot of danger. This isnt really so in the usa, a woman can pretty much do whatever she wants, and never get married, make a lot of money, and even adopt kids later on if she still isnt married.
I do feel that life in other parts of the world a much much harder for women.
For me, for whatever reason, i am not like a typical American, or westerner. I think i was just born differnetly:) I always felt my family was the most important thing and i had to be loyal to them and wanted to please thm. They did nothing but mistreat and abuse me, my parents and brother that is. If i had married a type person they approved of, or liked i am sure he would have been as bad as them.
So for women who's parents choose their husband, how can you leave it up to parents to choose, because some parents are that nice, and make bad choices. I think it is most important for a woman to choose her mate, and not let her parents do it. Even if she makes some mistakes and gets hurt heart borken along the way, it is better than a life of regret and pain and misery from a husband she hates and is stuck with. I think learning and dating people, and making some mistakes is only human. Obvioulsy you do not want to continue making the same mistakes but i believe women should insist to find their own husbands and choose their own future. If parents try to make the feel guilty or threaten to disown then, CANT THEY SEE It Is THE PARENTS who are the enemy, who really screw them over. Most peoples parents only care about their family name and image, and what other people think. Which is why they force their daughters to marry and control them. THAT is not LOVE!
I had this happen to me,even being an American, and let me tell you it was the hardest thing i ever did even living here.
Aminah from USA
on
November 6, 2005
Sallam Sisters,
Wow the new sister Aminah. I think you took the advice to look nice for you hubby a little to the extreme. Have you ever experienced abuse?This can cause the extreme viceral response to the closeness of marriage.
Tawba
on
November 7, 2005
No i havent experienced abuse:)
I was just ranting about people's families, because i think usualyl your parents are the ones to screw you up. Most people have issues with their parents. Or they have issues themselves and dont realize is is because of them.
I wasnt upset and i didnt take the comment harshly. My last post was about many things:)
I have no problem getting dressed nicely or doing something my husband asks me to do, but i dont dress up for him, i guess i dont think of it that way. He wouldnt ask me to dres up for him, it seems strange to me for someones husband to ask his wife to dress up or doll up for him, i mean im not his toy:) Thats the reason i say i dont do that.
Aminah from USA
on
November 7, 2005
To sister Tawba,
I do not have a visceral response to closeness in marraige. I love my husband very much and we are best friends, lovers, and extremely close.
The post before this was about women's rights and their situations. That had nothing to do with marriage. Is tht what you were referring to? I was saying i think it is partially womens fault that they are controlled by men.
But to clarify, i think being close with ones husband is the most important thing in my life, however i would think it would be a little strange if he told me to dress up for him, or told me i had to have sex with him or do this and that. That is abuse.
Aminah from USA
on
November 7, 2005
Thanks for your response. I thought about your previos posts and perhaps the sister you were talking about said something offensive to you about her philosophy. Of course I havent an idea what she said, but I am thinking whatever it was disturbed you a lot.
Perhaps if I were there I may not have agreed with her tone or ideas either. Especially if they seem to be coming from someone who appeared to be abused.
Tawba
on
November 7, 2005
Walikmsalam, men in general..he will like u to dress up for him..but he won't complain..coz he wants it to come just from you and your heart. I think as a wife we should do our best to give our husbands everything they want and desire as long as it is halal, and they do the same too...its all in the name of love not abuse
Curious Niqabi
on
November 7, 2005
I am considering converting from Catholic to Islam. I am looking for the correct dress to have an idea of what's in store for me if I convert and found your site. At Mass, a Catholic meeting, I found myself disgusted at the way most women dress even as Mass!! You would think they would learn from the Catholic Nuns. This is one of the biggest reasons I am considering Islam. I don't understand how these women can dress like, well prostitutes. That is what they look like and they don't care. Anyway, if anyone wants to give me any advice on converting I would appreciate it. My email is: indigone2001@yahoo.com Oh, I love this site, the dresses are wonderful and soooo modest compared to these Catholic women's choice of clothing. Thank You.
Butterfly
on
November 7, 2005
Hi Butterfly,
I used to be Christian, Methodist/Catholic hehe. I went to mass a lot and i know what you are talking about:) Islam is all about modesty, i think thats the underlying tone to islam, modesty in dress, actions, and to preserver your good reputation. I was always a conservative dresser, esp in highschool, i got made fun of a lot.
I reverted, thats what its called, not converted this yr and started wearing hijab a few months ago. It has changed my life in many ways and people will treat you with more respect, esp men. But you will face a lot of adversity because of the political climate, esp in the usa.
I would love to talk to you, and give you some support, i am not a expert on Islam tho!!! or on hijab but i can try to help you with my experiences as a new muslimah.
Do you have aol IM? or yahoo IM? It would be easy to talk there or we can chat on this blog.
Aminah from USA
on
November 7, 2005
Hello Sisters, please advise. I've read and heard a lot of how a woman should and shouldn't behave and dress like. Please tell me, how should a good Islamic husband behave? What are some of his criteria according to Islam? How should he behave with other women? What are the expectations of a husband according to Islam? I'm a new Muslim, recently married and I get all my ques from my husband mostly; not feeling quite comfortably enough yet to speak with others about some of my concerns, so I thought maybe all of you can guide me.
Aliah
on
November 9, 2005
Hi Aliah,
I am a new Muslim as well. Congratulations on reverting and your new marraige.
It is important to read the Quran as well as the Hadith, the Hadith has a lot of guidlines for dress, actions, and conduct that you are looking for. My best advice to you is to read for yourself and talk to your husband about any issues you may have, and work through them together using Islam as your guideline. Islam includes a lot of "common sense" actually, and if somethign you hear or read seems too extreme or harsh or unrealistic perhaps it is, and people are taking it out of context!! :)The Quran is very high level and teaches us how to think and understand, the details are more in the Hadith for the most part, there are lots in the Quran as well. The Hadith is very much based on context and is very comlex, people spend their whole lives study 1 or 2 of them!! The Sunnah is a good exapmle of how peole should live, it is what we can asipre to liek the Prophet (PBUH) lived, there is a good guideline for a husband, hehe.
So you cant take every word exactly literally esp. if you are reading it in English, and from a diff time period and culture that it was written. The Key, use comming sense and your heart. Islam is not supposed to make you feel anything but free, equal, and happy.
Its best not to take specific advice from other ppl, as in what your husband should or shouldnt do etc. because this is highly based on peoples opinions, culture, and experiences.
It is best to read the Quran for yourself, and pray and study, while avoiding other peoples lecuring.
There is a reason why Islam doesnt have priests or preachers, and any person can be an Imam in Islam.
You must have confidece in yourself and your beliefs and decisions, and listen to your heart.
Maybe this helps..?? :)
Aminah from USA
on
November 9, 2005
One more thing to Aliah,
If you feel your husband is acting inaporpriately with you or any other women, chances are he knows it but just doesnt care.
I he is a Muslim he knows how he is supposed to act as one, and if he has grown up knowing but choosed not to, then he has made that choice, and that is who he is, for better or worse.
It is best to talk to him or a marraige counsellor about marital issues. You cant change men. They can change themselves but this is REALLY REALLY REALLY rare. If him marrying you isnt a reason for him to change his ways, what is??
If it were so easy for people to change, there wouldnt be generations of hatred and wars, etc.
So you have to talk to your husband, the first few years of marriage are the hardest, i am married 1.5 yrs only:) Once you understand your mate, then you have to decide whether you can accept the way he is or not and make a choice.
You need to also tell him what you want, and how you feel because your needs matter equally in the relationship:)
I wish you the best of luck in your marriage and i hope you are happy.
Aminah from USA
on
November 9, 2005
Sallam Aliah,
Aminah has really given you a lot of good information. It is best to read for yourself. If someone tells you something is a guideline in Islam, ask them where you can find this information.
I have been married for ten years and one of the many things I love about my husband is that he is an open book. Although I have never requested him to keep me in the loop on everything, he does. From the begining of our marriage he kept me abreast of his coming and goings, major purchases, and decisions. He is a complete open book and I never have the feeling he is hiding anything from me. I know every detail of his childhood, his goals, and his dreams.
So if I have any advice for you, it is stay connected with your spouse by staying interested. It is good to know all the little nothings.
on
November 10, 2005
Yes my husband is also that way. We talk about EVERYTHING and we are best friends. Even if i have a problem with him or even something he did, or vice versa we talk about it and discuss our feeling everyday. If you let things fester it is REALLY bad, and resentment follows, which is what can break up your marriage.
I have had issues in my marriage and have had very wise people help us with these problems. Communication is the key, at least it is for my marraige. Even if you dont understand why your spouse is a certain wayy or why they think what they do, you at least need to be aware of the fact. There will always be things we dont agree on or understand why something is so important to them but not us, but as long as we respect each other and communicate, we are good:)
Aminah from USA
on
November 10, 2005
Walikumslalm all, my husband has difficulty communicating actually. He gets angry very fast and is always talking how everyone else doesn't know what they're doing and how others are dumb. he even feels too good to go the mosque in our area because he sees the imam does not speak out about some inappropriate dress and lack of respect in the mosque. its a great thing and thank Allah , to be worshipped and is most high, for those who have attracted obedient husbands. Like Quran say, the mumin for the mumin, the kaffir for the kaffir, and the muslimeen for the muslimeen...so...what does that make me to attract such a guy:((
Salam
on
November 10, 2005
Thank you all for your great advice, those were some great responses, I will mind them well. I suppose I should have elaborated more with respect to where I am conflicted. Everyone it seems goes into great detail on women wearing the hijab and what it means, what of a man? Don't get me wrong, my husband treats me very well and is very good to me - but for instance, when he goes out he dresses up to the max - loves showing off his biceps with those tank shirts, wears a lot of cologne and goes out 2-3 times a week until after midnite with a fellow muslim brother. I'm surprised at the hypocrisy, because I am making all the effort to embrace my new life with him and hopefully meeting all the expectations of a Islamic wife. He always says he's hanging with friends but my brother told me he saw them hanging with some "caucasian" women (you know the ones I'm talking about) in a parking lot by a club? I'm just confused how come I'm expected to live a certain way, look a certain way, meanwhile my husband seems to be attracted to the very thing that we are trying to be different from? Another thing he smokes a lot - how come there's nothing of be said of this behaviour?
Sisters fill me in, please.
Aliah
on
November 10, 2005
Salam to all of you. Great to see you again Salam. May Allah give you patience, and your husband some understanding. Mine was like that as well, only HE knew how one should act, and most people he considered dumb, especially those who happened to differ with him in their opinions. I think you are more or less right about women, sister Aminah, it is possible, but very hard to rebel. As to choosing your spouse, in the Islamic world, some advice from parents frequently is of use. Of course not if the parents have their own interests in mind, not those of their daughter. But generally, the girl needs to choose herself and feel comfortable with the choice, or else the marriage won't work. All the best to all of you.
Aminah
on
November 10, 2005
Asalamu alaikum sisters and glad to see all of you getting together to console eachother. We are doing our best to let you all feel as comfortable as possible in our community. Sister Aliah, I'd like to comment..and say..that remember when you make this change in your life...remember to do it for you & Allah s.w.t. only. When i wore hijab, I knew my husband wanted me to..but i didn't do it for him..i did it for me beause i felt it was necessary to get the respect I was looking for while outside of the home. I can understand how you feel upset about how your hubby is dressing, but a man won't change for Allah s.w.t. unless he actually wants it for himself. Some husbands will get angry if you try to advice them, even when they know you're right. So please be careful, inshallah you're husband will decide to improve his iman on his own time before its too late. You can however gently remind him..but don't make it an arguement okay. Seek your reward in Allah s.w.t. sister, and don't do it for anyone else besides yourself and Allah s.w.t. Allah kheleeki;) wa alaikum salam
Sister Deneer
on
November 11, 2005
Sister Aliah,
I is CLEAR he is cheating on you. If you think it is ok for your husban dto go to clubs with women and dress that way, then be ok with it. Otherwise divorce him. What else would he be doing dressed up wearing cologne and going out? Hanging out with the guys!? COME ON! You have to get real. Confront him about it and threaten to divorce him on the spot. If he doesn't admit or gets angry, its even more obvious he is lying.
It is not ok for him to do this, while you are living and following Allah's will. The Quran doesnt say this is ok. Read the Hadith, it says specifically how men are to dres as well and it says it in the Quran.
If you dont agree with your husbands dress and the fact that he has no respect for you, or your marraige the only choice is to divorce him.
Aminah from USA
on
November 11, 2005
To sister Aliah, you keep saying why isnt there anything to be said about behaviour, or how your husband should dress... Are you reading the same Quran and Hadith as me?! or are you not reading at all? I really tihnk you should read it ASAP, plus go with your guy, you know what he is doing is wrong and he CLEARLY doesnt care about you, or his duties as a Muslim husband. If he is a Muslim, he knows its wrong. I mean there is no blurry line on this issues, its CLEARLY stated how men should act and how thry should take care of their wives. Let me him go marry one of those women at the club!!1
I am sorry this is happening to you, i am very mad at your husband! and you should be too! :(
on
November 11, 2005
Sorry that was me in the last post.
Aliah, and to everyone, how can Alah help you in these matters if we dont first help ourselves??? We all have free will and free choice, we have to take ourselves from bad environments and pray to Allah for the strength. But in the end the decision is up to us, and we are responsible.
Aminah from USA
on
November 11, 2005
Hello Sisters. Thanks again, yes I know - I know all you are saying is true and Sister Aminah, yes I do read the same Quran and Hadith as you - I just wanted or maybe needed confirmation and some reassurance that I'm not misinterpreting. I've always been one to look at myself first and to see if there's something I'm doing wrong or if I'm misunderstanding the situation. I adore my husband and I know he loves me too - we're expecting our first child - so I really want this to work - I'm not going to give up on him. The situation is this, we've only been married 6 months and prior to that I had no knowledge whatsoever of the muslim religion. I mostly look him to be an example and of guidance in Islam, we live in a small community that doesn't even have a Mosque! He's from Jordan, and I've lived in Canada all my life, since he came he just seemed to be fascinated with all things Canadian - including the women, the late nights, the dressing up and going out, etc.
I'll certainly take all of your advice and discuss my concerns with him, I'll keep you posted on how things go.
Aliah
on
November 11, 2005
Wasalam ya Aminah from USA...we must be careful and how we deal with our husbands and this also includes speaking in a rage with loud voices...i mean..who really likes to listen to someone shouting at them...we can more effectively get our message across by speaking in calm irrational manner without letting ourselves make haram. I even have a friend , a muslimah..great friend of mine who says...when a husband and wife get in a little bussle...play
Surah Al-Baqara because it keeps the shaytan away. But i really wonder..what he thinks about the changes she's making to her life and how does he feel about her wearing hijab. I think its a very positive sign that a man would want a muslimah wife...and to be practicing too..i think this sign shows promise for change inshallah. Please do not be too quick to judge ones true intentions...which we can't truly know and only Allah s.w.t. and pray for him too that inshallah the God will touch his heart to change him for the better inshallah. How long have you been married for may I ask? Have you discussed these issues of dress code and behaviour n' such in the past? what response did you get? Allah kheleeki ya sis..wasalam
Sister Deneer
on
November 11, 2005
Hi Sister Deneer, I'll assume your post was for me. In the previous post, I mentioned we've been married only 6 months and prior to that minimal communication - it was sort of an arranged marriage. I was trying to help him come to Canada (from Jordan) so most of our discussions prior to marriage involved that. After we were married, and once he was here and I saw what was happening, I subtly hinted about my concerns, but he just dismissed it as I should have nothing to worry about - we're already married and he'll always be my husband.
Aliah
on
November 11, 2005
I just posted a long message and lost it. I was telling you all that i have been married 1.5 yrs and my husbadn and i have takled about EVERYTHING. If i ever went to a club and he say me dressed like a hoe he would be signing the divorce papers before i got home. I totally support him in thinking this way, because the intentions one has when doing these things, going to clubs to me OTHER WOMEN(that is the only intention you can have when going to clubs)then he clearly doesnt value your marraige. His actions speak, i dont have to know him. Actions speak. Thats all im saying.
Aminah from USA
on
November 11, 2005
I know you love your husband i cant imagine how hard it would be to not be able to trust him while you are pregnant with his baby...but you have to think. He is meeting women and clubs, he could be having sex with them, this is def. a possibility, and what kinds of diseases is he bringing back to you and the baby! do you see this is serious!!! Smoking is bad, but nothing as bad as cheating. When you cheat, it basically nullifies your marraige, at least in my eyes, whats the point of even being married at that point?
I am not saying to tell at him, that isnt a good way to talk. I know that and i dont yell at my husband. you can try writing him a letter, so he can read it while you arent standing there. you need to confront him, and teling him how you feel.
I hope this helps...
Aminah from USA
on
November 11, 2005
Sister Aminah, you seem to verbalize all of my insecurities exactly but I really can't say what it is he's doing talking with these women - I don't want to push him away by accusing him of anything. I can understand his curiousity I guess - it's pretty much a new life for him too coming here (it's only been a few months) but at the same time, he should understand - that if women show their bodies off it makes men have indecent thoughts about them likewise if men show their bodies women will do the same about him. The thing that sent me over the edge was that one time he introduced me to a woman; she's not muslim and she's married too - he said she was his friend and she said the same to me, that they are friends. In this society, her husband doesn't care if she has male friends, but I mind if my husband has female friends esp. if they're not muslim. I don't think I'm overreacting at all - I'm really concerned and it's consuming me. With all my prayers and belief and trust in Allah, I can't help but have an ache in my heart because of this.
Aliah
on
November 11, 2005
assalamu'alaikum wr. wbr.
on
November 11, 2005
Walikmslm aliah. he's from jordan..middle eastern country. u know what u needtodo? I think u should leave him because there is nothing more disrepectful to a wife than meeting other women behind ur back..even if it is to talk too. he's dressing up to the max like you say..so he's trying to impress them and he likes to look sexy obviously. and to put yourself in haram and do the same..i don't think he would care..and hed just hate u. WARNING!! never go with your baby to Jordan ever! Jordan does not implement custody laws in canada and they have no bearing. Its one thing to not be a religious Muslim, but to go out clubbing...oh gosh alilah...I can't see how you'd be happy with him..and if he becomes physically, verbally or psycologically abusive then youre at risk of developing severe chemical depression. Stay close to your family who love u no matter what religion you are..or separate from him and let him support himself. Its not fair to you to be used like this
Salam
on
November 11, 2005
No I won't say what his last name is and no that's not it, we live in a small town in Southern Ontario though, like so many Arabs his first name is Mohammed...that's as much as I'll give away. Actually, funny you mentioned living in Jordan, he says he wants to go back to live there in a few years time.
Aliah
on
November 11, 2005
Did you meet his family and sisters? Do any of them speak english so that you could call and speak to his sisters? And ask for advice
Salam
on
November 11, 2005
Yes i am a little curious...hoh did you meet him and how did you guys arrange for him to come over?? It almost sounds like he jsut marreid you to get over to Canada and get citizenship. Men do that all the time, my husband used to warn me of that and to tell my friends to be wary. I would def. start getting your own bank account and tell you parents or any clsoe friends of the situation in case you need to move in with them. I really think you should talk to him and threaten divorce, you need to make him take you seriously.
Have you thought of aboriton of the baby?? I know many people do not beleive in this but possibly you got pregnant too soon before you know if the marraige will work at all... It doesnt seem to be a good time in your life for a child..the child doesnt have a stable atmosphere or marraige and it takes a LOT of money to have a baby...I am not sure your views on this, but i think its better not to have a baby and admit your mistake than have it because you will feel guilty for aborting it, and then it live a bad life because of an unstable marriage...I am jsut saying this is an option...
Be strong and follow your heart. I have gone through a similar situation with my family, it was the hardest thing i eve did..and you will need lots of help from others. You arent alone.
Administrator. Wasalam sister. Please be reminded that Allah s.w.t. says in the Quran "kill not yourselves" and killing others in self defence only is halal..but to abort or kill an innocent being that cannot speak for his/herself is haram. There is no grey area sis...she must not abort..because there is a big punishment for that in the akhira. The ultimate goal of this life is to earn the Jenna inshallah..so aborting would ruin her chances since it is a clear concious choice. Everything happens for a purpose sis..and Allah s.w.t. has a plan for all of us, well scheduled in advance:) Wasalam
Aminah from USA
on
November 11, 2005
Asalamu alaikum all, we can only be left in utter confusion when we try to figure out what Allah s.w.t. plan is for all of us and it's determined well in advance. For example, something perceived as unfortunate may actually turn out for the better in the future. From my personal experience, if I didn't stop believing in God for a short time then I never would have reverted to Islam. Another example is that, the born child that we may hold inside of us, may be the muslim or muslimah who takes on a role of leadership in the Muslim community..who knows??? I think it's important to give our children names that remind them of their religion and what their purpose is in this life:) I remember when I was in grade 6 or 7, and I had this friend named Rukiyah, she was south asian and muslim. I was talking to her one day..at lunch and I offered her some of my lunch..but she said no because she was "fasting". And I was like "fasting"???..and some common questions followed "aren't you hungry or starving"...and said how she does it for her religion. I even remember asking her if she worshipped idols. When I was asking her these questions, I knew i didn't have any intention of actually understanding what she did because I already felt that anything other than Christianity was a Pagan religion. I don't know where she is now in Canada...but I know she'd be surprised to find out that I became Muslim too:) Wa alaikum salam
Sister Deneer
on
November 12, 2005
To speak about the abortion issue, it is all personal opinion. who is to say when an embryo or fetus is considered a person. It even says in Islam that the soul does not enter a baby until almost the end of the stages when it is in thw womb. So who is to say that early on abortions are murder if there is no soul in what is inside your womb. This is al opinion. So i think this is important to state, that the Administrator's opnion is one thing but mine and maybe others is differnet, and it is only Allah who knows whats right. There are certain circumstances in which abortion is more necessary that others, for ex. if you are married but not ready to have a baby vs. your fahter or brother rapes you and you become pregnant...so there is no clear cut line for this, and it is a hard decision no matter what the circumstances.
-Aminah
Administrator: Wasalam sister and i really appreciate that you brought up this subject because I learnt alot about it and have Quranic proof to support the claim that Abortion is haram. You mentioned how the fetus doesn't have a soul for the first few months anyway..so in a way the fetus isn't really a person yet, this is based on weak=da3eef hadiths; but claim that fetus+soul= person is incorrect. Whether the fetus has a soul or not it is impossible to destroy a soul anyway..whether the fetus was destroyed later in pregancy or before..the soul always exists. Another reason why Allah s.w.t. says that even the first couple months of pregnancy are very important because Allah s.w.t. made it unlawful to divorce while a woman is deemed pregnant. It is said that they cannot until the baby is born and in the interm he is to give her sustinance and support her until then.
Another point...do you believe our bodies actually belong to us and we have rights over our bodies before Allah s.w.t? If this were the case we would have the right to many bodily things given a choice for and would face no punishment. If that were the case...hmmm..maybe no one would ever wear hijab, or dress modestly, or decline abortion...because they wouldn't have to face a punishment. It is clear in Quran that Allah s.w.t. wants us to live our lives a certain way, dress a certain way, and act a certain way and if not..it goes against us if we don't repent. But to abort or harm a child is clearly unislamic because a conceived child is a miracle of Allah s.w.t. and has a right to life.
Killing the soul or body Some argued, on no basis but fabricated hadiths, that the fetus in the first four months do not have a soul yet and therefore it is permissible to kill him/her. They do not realize that the soul has nothing to do with abortion. In abortion you are dealing with the physical body and its life, you are destroying the physical body of the fetus not the soul. We cannot kill the soul even if we try. Whether the soul entered the fetus body in the first minute of life or after four months of pregnancy is irrelevant to the abortion issue.
Here are some Quranic References: "Take not life which Allah has made sacred" [6.151; see also 4.29].
6:140 Lost are those who slay their children, from folly, without knowledge, and forbid food which Allah hath provided for them, inventing (lies) against Allah. They have indeed gone astray and heeded no guidance.
6:151 Say: "Come, I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from": Join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents; kill not your children on a plea of want;- We provide sustenance for you and for them;- come not nigh to shameful deeds. Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom.
17:31 Kill not your children for fear of want: We shall provide sustenance for them as well as for you. Verily the killing of them is a great sin.
60:12 O Prophet! When believing women come to thee to take the oath of fealty to thee, that they will not associate in worship any other thing whatever with Allah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit adultery (or fornication), that they will not kill their children, that they will not utter slander, intentionally forging falsehood, and that they will not disobey thee in any just matter,- then do thou receive their fealty, and pray to Allah for the forgiveness (of their sins): for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
English (Yusuf Ali): (Recite) 65:4 Such of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the prescribed period, if ye have any doubts, is three months, and for those who have no courses (it is the same): for those who carry (life within their wombs), their period is until they deliver their burdens: and for those who fear Allah, He will make their path easy.
There is a saying in Islam, that if you are unsure something is haram or not, don't do it at all. Why gamble at a chance of gaining the Jenna?
Hope this helps inshallah and wasalaam!
Aminah from USA
on
November 12, 2005
Hi Sister Deneer,
That is a very interesting story in your post. That is true, i agree that sometimes seemingly bad things happen and then really good things couldn't have happened later if that bad thing didnt happen first.
For me, i was involved in a bad relationship in college, which led me to meet my husband. Though i sometimes wish i had never maet many of the people i once knew, if i hadn't i most likely wouldn't have met my husband...but know knows maybe if its meant to be it will find a way???
I was also Christian before but was always interested in waht other people beleived in and i never thought any religion was wrong or right. But i also didnt really agree that much with Christianity, i always thought i was Chrisitan just because i was raised that way and i just thought it was who i was...but i always had some issues with it and it never gave me peace or clarity.
That is why when i found Islam I had a very strong reaction to it, i felt drawn to it and i was like, YES this makes sense! Finally!! hehe So i was Christian for 21 yrs. before i reverted to Islam!! I am very happy now and still learning.
I still feel the challenge of wearing hijab, only because sometiems i dont think it looks pretty or it makes my face look fat etc. And sometmes i miss my hair:) hehe
But what made me feel so good was, the other day, i walked into a Mexican restaurant, and i dont know why but Mexican men LOVE white women, and they stare at them sooo much:) so for the first time i walked into a restaurant with my hubby and they all respectfully looked at me and didnt stare and it was amazing! (I have nothing against Mexican men or people at all, i just want to state this!! It is just a fact that they stare at me.) :)
It felt great not to be objectified.
Aminah from USA
on
November 12, 2005
As salaamu alaikum, Dear sisters. This message is for Amina in USA: Could you please direct me to the passage of the Quran that goes into detail about the soul of the fetus/embryo that you referred to in your eariler post? I am unaware of this and, like the Administrator, have held to the belief that abortion is haraam in Islam. I would be interested in reviewing that information.
Administrator: Here is some content regarding the soul in Islam found at www.submission.org
The New Creature:
"Then we developed the drop into a hanging (embryo), then developed the hanging (embryo) into a bite-size (fetus), then created the bite-size (fetus) into bones, then covered the bones with flesh. We thus produce (Anshaa) a new creature. Most blessed is GOD, the best Creator." [23:14]
In verse 23:14, God described the creation of the human being from a tiny drop until he produced a new creature. The advocates of abortion in the first three months of pregnancy, consider the way God described the production of a new creature in this verse (by using the Arabic word Anshaa`) as their proof of the time when the soul joins the body of the fetus. On this basis, they claim that it is OK to kill the fetus before that, since he/she does not have a soul. They are missing many points here. First, abortion has nothing to do with the soul as we explained before. In abortion you kill the physical body of the fetus. You do not and cannot kill the soul. Therefore the time the soul joins the physical body is not important and irrelevant, and God never elaborated on it in the Quran. Second, the word (Anshaa`), in 23:14, is used exclusively in the Quran for the production or construction of a physical being, human or non-human, e.g. the humans, the trees, the clouds, communities..etc. Please see 23:14,19,31,42; 6:141; 11:61 and 53:32. This word (Anshaa`) or its derivatives have never been used by God in the Quran to describe anything that has to do with the soul. To assure the believers, God used another word (Nafakha) repeatedly to describe the joining of the soul and the physical body. See 3:49, 5:110. 15:29, 21:91, 32:9, 39:72 and 66:12.
The use of the word (Anshaa`) to describe the new creature is referring to the physical body of the developing fetus and not to the soul. The fetus will look completely different then, compared with the way it started as a tiny drop. Check any embryology book to appreciate this vast difference.
Note also that God used the word (Anshaa`) four times in sura 23, to give the sincere believer the clue he/she needs.
Hope this helps! Wasalam!
Hijabi4Life
on
November 12, 2005
Asalamu alaikum all. Some of us as reverted Muslim must be really careful when we read translated text in the Quran. Its great when the translated text is accompanied with arabic word translations to let us get a better understanding of the meaning of the Quranic Ayat. For those of you who have married husbands famiiar with the arabic language..thats a plus too...and if you have a question about an arabic word in the Quran you can ask him...and inshallah get some more insight inshallah. It's also a good "thikr(rememberance)" of Allah for our husbands too..to remind them of Islam;) Wasalaam!
Administrator - The Arabic Language
on
November 12, 2005
I totally understand what you are saying, that you do not beleive in abortion because despite if there is a soul involved you do not beleive in killing the "body" or the clump that is the fetus. I can totally understand where you are coming from. What i was referring to before was a Hadith that i have pasted below and the URL. Where i was coming from, and THIS IS JUST MY OPINION, i am not trying to say this is Allah's word, or that it is fact, but i believe that where it says below that the angel comes down with instuctions for this embryo that is becoming a Fetus that is blows the spirt into it. To me, that is when the blood clot from sperm and egg, becomes a human. Other wise it is a clump of cells. I think this comes down to embryology...which i am no expert on:) I beleive there is a very short time, i believe 40 days and nights, that the blood clot hasnt "taken" yet in the womb that is a sort of limbo stage, that i feel if i were to have an abortion it would be at that time, before the development had begun, and i wouldnt feel as bad, obviously i would not want to have to abort my baby, but that would be the point i would want to do it by...thats all i am saying.
Please read below:
The Hadith Of The Forties
A hadith related to the prophet peace and prayer be upon him says:
"The creation of each of you in his mother's abdomen assumes a 'nutfa' for forty days, then he becomes 'alaqa' for the same (duration), then a 'mudgha' (like chewn food) for the same, then God sends an angel to it with four instructions. The angel is ordered to write the Sustenance, life-span, deeds and Whether eventually his lot is happiness or misery, then to blow the Spirit into him. "(The two shiekhs after Ibn-Massoud)
Another hadith related to the prophet reads :
"When the 'nutfa' has lasted for forty two days, God sends an angel that shapes it, creates its hearing, vision, skin, flesh and bone, then asks: my Lord, is it a male or a female".(Muslim after Huzaifa ibn Aseed)
Both hadiths are considered authentic according to the standards of the science of the hadith. Other versions reported bear Some variation in Wording in both hadiths. There is indeed a view held by some authorities, that both might in fact been the same hadith but reported differently. The mention of the 'Spirit' in the first hadith is taken to signify that the human fetus at the age of one hundred and twenty days assumes a higher status, and this led Some jurists of old time to use that cut-off point to emphasize the gravity of the sm of abortion and estimating the legal punitive measures ensuring upon it.
Administrator: Wasalam sister, the 2 muslim and bukhari hadiths you mentioned about the stages of the embryo are true..and its even supported in the Quran too. These hadiths show that Allah s.w.t. puts much care into developing his creations in these stages. I don't want to be repetitive but let us take a moment to think about what the God is trying to say to us. It is clear that in Surah 65:4 [English (Yusuf Ali): (Recite) 65:4 Such of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the prescribed period, if ye have any doubts, is three months, and for those who have no courses (it is the same): for those who carry (life within their wombs), their period is until they deliver their burdens: and for those who fear Allah, He will make their path easy.] he's trying to tell us that it is not lawful to divorce while a wife is found pregnant...and at the moment she is found pregnant..which invalidates the 40 day mandate that you've communicated. This is proof that God sees the pregnancy, no matter in what stage verry important that he restricts a woman from divorcing. What do you think about this, that Allah s.w.t. tells us that if we are found pregnant we can not divorce until we have delivered a conceived child???" Whether the child has spirit put in him or not yet..it doesn't change the fact that the wife is pregnant
I mean...we are only human and who are we to try to override what Allah s.w.t. is commanded to us with our opinions? Opinion is a sign of being unsure, and when we are unsure...why gamble a chance at paradise?
Wasalam
Aminah from USA
on
November 12, 2005
Also, i wanted t say i respect all of you women who do not beleive in abortion. I am persoanlly pro-choice, because i believe we should have the choice to either have one or not. I do not beleive that choice should be taken from women despite whether i agree or not.
Also, this all comes from a more deeper belief i have... i will share with you somethign about my life... My mother told me i "was an accident" and she definately treated me as such my whole life. And my beleif is that good parents are rare. Most peoples parents arent that great at parenting, adn there are so many bad ppl in this world that, low and behold they have kids and these kids suffer for it... It is not the childs fault but, if i were in an unhappy marriage or an unstable one and i didnt feel it would last or i had a doubt in my mind i didnt want a baby now...i dont think its fair for the baby to suffer. And i DO believe we will be punished in hell if we mistreat our children, even if it is an accident and we tried but it wasnt good enough... despite ppls best intentions, they still screw up their kids lives..and this is one of the gravest sins in my eyes... So to me i take this into account when thinking about babies and abortion...is the mother a crack addict whos father raped her?? Maybe the baby would be better off aborted and not broght into that life...where it was born addicted to drugs and would be raped be the age of 5... honestly, these people shouldnt be having babies...these children will suffer and be screwed up from being raised this way... Yes i know there are exceptions and amazing people can come from adverse situations, like me! I am one of those people.
But i am still torn at the fact that i would rahter pay the price for the sin of abortion, than the one for ruining my childs life by not being ready to be a mother and not treating it right, or neglecting it becuase lets say the mother is a teenager who parties and gets drunk, can you imagine waht Allah would do to her, because that child she is ruining the life of will live its entire life scarred from this...i am much more afraid of that punishment than the one for abortion. That is why i thnk abortion, for some people, should be an option and the choice she be there for them.
Administrator: Wasalam and I understand this point too but we are only human and we can't truly predict a future for a certain child. Haven't we all undergone some sort of suffering to finally find peace in Islam. Whether it is being in a bad relationship to meet your dream muslim husband...or to be treated as a sexual object to finally turn to the protection in hijab to finally wear it.It is clear in Islam that Allah s.w.t puts us in many tests in our life to see if we will turn to him in prayer in our days. He tests us with wealth and poverty, jealousy..and many other things but in the end he wants us to turn to him for our reward. If life were so good...then who would seek a higher power, who would build mosques or go to them or cover in modesty...?
About Pro-choice..this is a catchy phrase...but...it's true in Islam in perspective where we have the choice between halal and haram. We are warned for making haram choices and rewarded for the halal. We are also forgiven if we sincerely repent for our misdoings inshallah but to repent for abortion when it was a clear choice...im scared to think of the concequences. In the Quran it states that there is no compulsion in this religion which really means choose jenna or jennam for your hereafter.
Let us now go over "punishment"..where you say you'd rather face a punishment for one thing than something else. I learnt in Islam on this website www.islaam.com in the lectures section that the lowest punishment in the akhira(hereafter) is that of "having to stand in slippers that will be on fire and make our brain boil and have to drink boiling oil and we will have no choice but to drink it"...the punishments in jennam are severe sister..and are unlike anything we can imagine sister. Even the in Surah Al baqara it tells us that the ones in hell will have their outter skins burnt and will be replenished with new skins to make sure that the pain continues. U know..when I heard of the lowest punishment in the Jennam in Ramadan of 2003, that is one reason why I chose to wear hijab. The Quran tells us that the god is merciful but he is most severe in punishment...
Hope this helps inshallah, and download the Quran reciter in English on www.searchtruth.com and listen to Surah Al Baqara and learn the messages that Allah s.w.t tells us.
Wasalam
Aminah from USA
on
November 12, 2005
Please visit my Blog:
[sorry sis..we don't allow external links not relevant to our blog]
Aminah from USA
on
November 12, 2005
As salaamu alaikum, Aminah from USA, I am sorry to hear that you have had what sounds like a difficult upbringing. I had too had a challenging one, and I'm sure many other sisters who visit this blog site have experienced challenges as well. I know that parents definately have an overwhelming influence on how well adjusted a child will emerge into adulthood, however, Islam has shown me that is not the only determining factor. Let's face it, there are about as many screwed up kids/adults from dysfunctional parents as there are from parents who tried to be loving and properly provide for their children. We all have free will. Most of us know right from wrong, but many who choose to follow a "wrong" path do so because their hearts are diseased and dead as a result of unresolved anger, guilt, arrogance, etc. Our beloved Prophet (saw) predicted these times of fitnah in which people with these deginerate attributes would populate society. I beleive it is our job as believers to hold fast to our faith. To thank Allah t'ala for being merciful and choosing us for this deen, and study the Quran and Sunnah with seriousness. We must be very careful when interpreting the information so that we do not get involved in any innovation. Marriage is half of our religion. Half! Surely we will be tested and tried in our marriages. I personnaly don't believe that abortion is the answer for the sister(my opinion, of course). I would encourage the sister who is suffering in this marital difficulty to surround herselfwith strong trustworthy, loving sisters for support. Pray istikar (hope I spelled that right), and as Aminah from the USA alluded, know that as a wife you have rights over your husband, just as he has rights over you. Study, learn, and know your rights, sister. Most important, make sure that Allah comes first in all that you do; Not your husband, then Allah. Take it from me, when you re-evaluate your priorities (which we all must do from time to time) and make certain that we are keeping first and foremost to the will of Allah, our direction becomes much more clear. You will regain the confidence Allah wants for you and be better equipped to make a strong, practical decision regarding your marriage and the innocent child you are carrying.
Hijabi4Life
on
November 13, 2005
Hijab Chic
How retailers are marketing to fashion-conscious Muslim women.By Asra Q. Nomani Posted Thursday, Oct. 27, 2005, at 4:38 PM ET ----
"Full coverage," not your typical fashion show prerequisite, was the theme at a "fashion seminar" recently hosted by Nordstrom at the tony Tysons Corner Center mall in McLean, Va. The show, called "Interpreting Hot Trends for Veiled and Conservative Women," was perhaps the first high-fashion hijab event sponsored by corporate America. The target: well-heeled Muslim women living in the suburbs of Northern Virginia, where mansions and mosques are filled with rich Muslim immigrants, an increasing number of whom shop at Tysons Corner.
The Nordstrom show is part of a growing trend: Western retailers and designers are beginning to market directly to Muslim women. In 2000, for instance, European designers Yves Saint-Laurent and Jean-Paul Gaultier showed at the International Festival of African Fashion in Niger while ultraconservative Muslims paraded through the streets in protest of the "satanic" presentation. A 2004 Hermes ad featured two women with the dark hair, dark eyes, and olive skin of many Middle Easterners and wearing the company's iconic scarves wrapped around their heads in the Muslim style of hijab. (When asked, the Hermes advertising department would say only that its marketing pitch is "global.") And a little over a week ago, French designer Judith Duriez, co-owner of the Dubai-based company Arabesque, debuted her fall 2005 collection of "sheilas" (veils) and "abayas" (gowns) for the cloaked Muslim woman. These fashions, traditional long black gowns (the color is one rule Duriez refuses to break), are enhanced by non-traditional accents such as mother-of-pearl trimmings and chiffon ribbons.
Retailers have likely caught on to the fact that conservative Muslim women are as interested in fashion as any other women and that, as a population numbering at least 500 million—an estimated half of which cover up regularly—they constitute a large, and potentially lucrative, untapped market. Indeed, to anyone who's paying attention, it's evident that Muslim women are going to great lengths (and in some cases spending a substantial amount of money) in an attempt to reconcile their religious mandate to dress modestly with their desire to look fashionable. Many women interpret the idea of "hijab"—the term comes from the Arabic word "hajaba," which is translated as "to cover," and is used generally to refer to modesty, and more specifically, to mean headscarves and formless gowns—quite liberally. They wear Diane Von Furstenberg mini-dresses over Levi jeans or rapper-style do-rags as headscarves. Other women don scarves by designers such as Christian Dior, Hermes, Gucci, and Dolce & Gabbana. And even the traditional dress is no longer black and shapeless but comes in various cuts, colors, patterns, and textures: slim-cut, baggy, silk, chiffon, fringed, fur-cuffed, hand-painted, and even embroidered with rhinestones and feathers.
The trend would be just another marketing gimmick, except that the hijab is not merely an article of clothing, but a politically charged symbol. The hijab, as most people know by now, has become emblematic of an ideological and political movement that promotes a puritanical interpretation of Islamic law, or Sharia. In this interpretation, it is "haram," or illegal, for a women to reveal her arms, legs, or any bodily curves. In the most conservative circles, revealing the face, ankles, neckline, and hands is also verboten. (The Quran, while calling for modesty, does not mandate that women wear hair scarves or long gowns.)
To attend the fashion seminar, I had to go undercover in more ways than one. Nordstrom's publicity department called the show a "private event" that was closed to the press. When I asked why, I was told the company hadn't "media trained" its sales representatives. What if, God forbid, a Nordstrom saleswoman pitched a gauzy scarf that left a woman's hair visible? I'm a Muslim woman, but I don't cover my hair except when I go into mosques with a hoodie over my head in a look I call "ghetto hijab." So, at the diner across the street, I draped a hot pink scarf from the Tie Rack over my head and covered my body in a flower-patterned Nine West trench coat—more Grace Kelly than hijabi Muslim, but it worked—and prepared to see what Nordstrom thought was in fashion for the veiled-and-shrouded set.
The morning of the event, about 100 women—their hair covered by scarves, their bodies cloaked in abayas or burqas, and at least two of them with their faces fully veiled—pulled into the Tysons Corner parking lot in Volvos, BMWs, and Lexus sedans. In liberal Muslim circles, these women are sometimes derisively called "hijabis." The chicest among them—those who wear silk Hermes scarves and long Barneys jackets—are dubbed "fashionable fundies" (as in "fundamentalists"). The women call themselves "muhajabah," or "women of hijab."
The women and I slid into chairs set up at the top of the store's escalators, a few feet away from a display of slinky Nicole Miller gowns. The Nordstrom sales team was composed mostly of non-Muslim Americans, but there was one Muslim saleswoman with a scarf pulled up high over a bun in her hair. A chipper Nordstrom saleswoman in an appropriately modest business suit opened the show by pointing to a row of mannequins outfitted in what she called "the latest fall trends." There was a full-length Eileen Fisher skirt: "It allows for full coverage," she emphasized. And a black Anne Klein jacket: "It closes up high," the sales lady stressed. Finally, a $425 green-and-black Tesori tweed coat: "Just perfect for your unique style." In other words, it would cover the contour of a woman's butt—another no-no to reveal. The Nordstrom Web site promotes the jacket as a "tailored fit," but that wasn't part of the sales pitch here.
But something was obviously missing. A saleswoman stepped forward: "Of course, we have scarves!" Of course! Each mannequin had a scarf wrapped around its neck, ready to be pulled up. There were also brooches, which were said to be "perfect for pinning up scarves." A Muslim woman in the audience snickered at the effect of one broach atop a headscarf; it looked like a cake decoration.
Of course, the most puritanical Muslims would say that hijab is not meant to be flashy. According to these men and women, it's supposed to be the sartorial equivalent of a burlap sack, not a trimly tailored Anne Klein jacket. It's supposed to be black, not trendy colors like fuchsia and teal. Preachers from New Jersey to California rail at the pulpit against women who put too much fashion in their hijab. To quote one rant on a conservative Muslim Web site: "Everyday we see our Muslim sisters proudly displaying names and initials on their clothing. … What are they advertising? CD, YSL, D&G,"—as in Christian Dior, Yves Saint Laurent and Dolce & Gabbana—"How ironic that the most modest of dressing—the cloak and scarf—should become contaminated by advertising the names of some of the most shameless and perverted people in the world."
But women will no doubt continue to thwart such dictates in a desire to look stylish while remaining pious. And it may be Muslims themselves, versed in the nuances and requirements of the hijab, who will be best equipped to introduce it to the world of high fashion. Next month, on Nov. 10, Femmes Arabes, a magazine for Arab women, will sponsor a fashion show in Montreal featuring caftans—long flowing garments popular among Muslim women in North Africa—designed by five Canadian designers and five Arab designers; it held a similar show last year. And Eve N Black, a Dubai-based boutique founded by Muslim fashion designer Mohammad Bahrami, sells abayas that cost anywhere from $1,500 to $10,000 and are often displayed with matching shoes and purses. (If she spends $6,500 or more, a woman can get a copyright for her personal abaya design.)
If the Nordstrom event made one thing clear, it was that it's not easy to combine high fashion with religion. While one woman walked away with a long orange duster sweater, women on both sides of the figurative catwalk were grumbling unhappily. A Moroccan woman found a black polka-dotted top inappropriate because of its "three-quarter-length sleeves." Sleeves, according to the strictest standards of hijab, must extend to the wrists. A George Mason University law school student groused that a black Anne Klein skirt was "too short" because it hit the calves. A young scarved woman became frustrated that she wasn't able to find "an A-line skirt without a slit." And the Nordstrom cashiers mumbled to each other they weren't ringing up enough sales. Indeed, the fashion seminar, to borrow a phrase from the fashion world, was a definite miss. ---
You can write to Asra Nomani at asra@asranomani.com.
sweet muslima
on
November 14, 2005
so whats the point?
Curious Niqabi
on
November 14, 2005
Here is my experience with abortion.
I got pregnant. I was supposedly a Christian, but in my community, morality and spirituality were rejected unless they had just the right kind of sauce on them. You know, you turned up your nose to it unless it suited a certain sophisticated but finicky attitude. If these were table manners, it would be disgusting!
So I did not learn how satisfying to my hunger was the blessed food of Allah's commandments, laid out so generously on the wide table of Creation. An ungrateful people taught me that drugs, alcohol, fornication, fashion, and food binges, were halal. Yet we thought ours to be the best brand of religion ever, and we scoffed at anyone who dared present an alternative.
Amidst this insanity, wolves of various sorts raped me frequently. Now before you despair with me about this injustice, I have reason to be grateful. This gave me first hand experience with an occult feature of date rapes: hypnotism. One need only look up NLP or other synonyms for mesmerism at yahoo!groups to see this evil. Many are presenting this insidious mind-control as something desirable, but a true believer should have no part in it, for it is fatal to the practitioner, and a menace to freedom, self-government, and peace.
The pregnancy was a surprise, but I deserved it. Pray Allah will forgive me and those who led me so far astray that I fell into such a bad deed. Yet, even in the midst of sin (Romans 5:8) the mercy of Allah came so clearly. I saw a shining light within me, as a candle. The worldly suggestion to get an abortion was completely wiped out by that vision. How could I snuff out this clear light of the eternal Mind?
I have many times been overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift of my son. I am certain he has a very important purpose to accomplish on this earth. I believe that is true of every child.
"You are understanding, right?" is the thought of those who fornicate and abort. No, after my experience, I cannot in anyway advocate the crime. Even to say one is pro-life or pro-choice is a vote in favor of abortion. Oh, people, cover up! Turn from wickedness, don the armor of hijab and modest dress, else you tempt wolves to promote devious public reasoning, instead of righteous stands on pro-abstinence.
We should all be preparing our hearts to receive more abundance from the Spirit of Allah on earth. Nothing can compare with his offerings on the table of satisfaction. To keep others from this is most unjust. Anyone who rejects righteousness, is supporting the thought underlying abortion: that it is better to seek bodily pleasures than spiritual, eternal ones. This is true even in marriage, if you only would see.
Is this why the Christian Scriptures are rejected by many Muslims? I wonder... for they instruct well on this point, and some traditions say the prophet Jesus was crucified because he taught abstinence. Yet, he overcame death. I have too, in a small way, and I am not ashamed as a new Muslimah to stand up for it.
MuslimMostly
on
November 14, 2005
Comments well written Sisters. Abortion is NOT an option for me, especially for a child that I know was made out of love - even as undeserving as my husband may seem. Allah so generously blessed us and for me it is a sign of things to come and I believe that Allah will speak to my husband's heart to turn away from these things. I will continue to pray.
Aliah
on
November 15, 2005
Assalamu alikum, Dear MostlyMuslim: May Allah forgive you and reward you for sharing such a powerful story! I believe that you are right about our falling into the "trap" of choosing a pro-life or pro-choice position. Your message affected me greatly.
Hijabi4Life
on
November 15, 2005
Sister Aliah,
You are in a world of trouble girl. I read that he arranged this marriage so that he could come to Canada. That is not a valid reason to marry someone in Islam.
The marriage is troubled at the start, the foundation and arrangement made seems very ambigious to me.
You are a wife in word and legally yet it seems you feel you do not have the right to confront him because this marriage was more of a deal than a real marriage.
That being stated you have to cement this relationship. Forget about all the past stuff and the accusations for now. Have a conversation about the nature of your marriage.
Tell him that you know what it started out to be and that he may be confused about expectations.
Ask him what he thinks that the marriage should be like and how you can work together to make it a successful marriage. Each of you need to know what the other is thinking and feeling. He needs to know what you expect and that you are willing to respond to his expectations.
If he seems like he doesnt want to clear up the matter, but instead tries to use sayings like. I love you, dont worry, I will be with you forever. That may mean he likes the arrangement being open ended and really does not want to commit.
If he sits and talks with you and has a deep conversation for hours then you know he really cares about your future as a couple.
The key to this conversation is that you are completely non-combative. Afterall you are not putting him on trial. Nor can you change his heart or feeling. You just would like to know for your own information.
I have seen many of these arrangements go South and the odds are slightly against the success. Put your best foot forward and guard your own rights as a human being.
Please tell us what happens. Remember there are no dead ends just different paths to take. InshaAllah everything will work out for the best.
Tawba
on
November 15, 2005
MuslimMostly,
Thanks for sharing your story. I dont understand what you are talking about here:
You said" This gave me first hand experience with an occult feature of date rapes: hypnotism. One need only look up NLP or other synonyms for mesmerism at yahoo!groups to see this evil." Please clarify. Are you talking about putting something in your drink that knocks you out?
I had a similar past as well and was lead astry by the same type of people you descibe. I had a similar instance happen to me, where i passes out/fell asleep i am not sure, and am not sure if anything happend to me during that time. It is a very scary memory and a very nasty past to look back on. however, i have similarly changed my life and repented for my mistakes, and look to the future for happiness, and to the Quran for guidance.
Thanks again for sharing.
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
Aliah, I also agree with Sister Tawba's comment. My husband oftened told me about women he knew who got bascially conned into marriage so the guy could come to the USA or Canada from another country. This is common sadly.
I am very worried about your situation as well. If he is not taking this marraige seriously, how can he be a good father and provide for you and the baby? Marriage is no game or fairytail and he needs to be realistic and responsible. Dont be afraid to talk to him, and i personally dont think there is anything that wrong with yelling at him or getting upset if that is how you are feeling. I am not saying lecture him but you should be free with your words and emotions to some degree when talking with your husband. Dont vent on him if you are in bad mood, but if it is a serious conversation, def. speak feerly and the truth.
And like sister Tawba said, there are no dead ends, just differnet paths. Even if the marriage doesnt work out, Allah has a path for you, and who knows you may be better off...
I am sure you understand how serious all this is...and that you know what you need to do. I will pray for you and that Allah will give you strength to confront your husband and discuss these matters. However, i doubt your husbands heart can be changed because you first have to be open to the change, i dont beleive praying for someone to change will make it happen, i dont think Allah works that way. And making him want to change is the hardest thing, and most likely wont happen...
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
I looked up meserism on yahoo! groups and wikipedia. I dont see anything about it and date rape. It did however say it was common among Christian Science groups. It is called aminal magetism and it was started by a guy names Franz Mesmer, where you are supposed to be able to heal someone or affect them in some way with magnets, it is basically a hoax from what wikipedia says.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franz_Mesmer
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mesmerism
Is that what you are talking about?
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
Don't be so negative Aminah, Only God Knows what her future holds and it would be innacurate to base her future on the past experiences of others
Curious Niqabi
on
November 15, 2005
To Mostly Muslim again.
you said" Anyone who rejects righteousness, is supporting the thought underlying abortion: that it is better to seek bodily pleasures than spiritual, eternal ones. This is true even in marriage, if you only would see. Is this why the Christian Scriptures are rejected by many Muslims?"
What are you talking about here? How is not seeking righteousness supporting abortion? Are you saying its not ok to have a lot of sex and then get abortions when you get pregnant as a means of birth control?? That is very common...
What do you mean by, is that why Chrisitan scriptures are rejectted by Muslims?? They are rejected by ALL Muslims, you cant really be a Muslim and agree with the bible...at least i dont think so. Actually it thnk the reason they are rejected, i could be wrong, is that they have been changed over time, and edited by man. They can not be show to be factual because there are for example, many differnt versions of the Bible, and Catholics have a few extra chapters. the Bible you know today was compiled in the Council of Nicea. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Council_of_Nicaea
So basically a few people go together to decide on the religion and so the scriptures are not really that accurate, unlike the Quran, which has remained virtualyl unchanged in its present form today. Also, Muslims do not beleive Jesus is God, because it says in the Quran about 1000 times that God has no sons and that you cant worship anyone else. Also, Muslims dont beleive Jesus died on the cross for our sins, because hes not Christ. Muslims beleive Jesus wwas one of the most amazing prophets and that he prformed miracles and his words are not untrue, it is just you cant be sure of his acutaly words because of what i said above. Also, Muslims dont believe Jeusus ever claimed to be God's son, at least that is what i am under the impression of.
So i think in a nutsell that is why Muslims dont accept the Bible.
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
Curious Niqabi,
I am only being realistic and not negative. I said to her never give up no matter what happens, and that i would pray for her sucess, that is not negative.
It's important to be realistic of life's possibilities and see things for what they are. Even if you dont like what you see. It's important to be open to the possibility that people who seem nice, might not all be that nice. There are few good people in this world and a lot of bad ones. Thats just a fact.
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
Asalamalikum, I'm quite disturbed by several things that you've written in this forum actually. Your point of view is still confused with information from information you believed before you've became Muslim girl and for this I disagree with many things you've said. Sorry..just being honest but stop preaching on subjects you're not even sure about.walikmsalm
Curious Niqabi
on
November 15, 2005
Curious niqabi,
What info. am i confused on praytell? And who is to say that because you have been a Muslim longer, you know better than me about anything...maybe what you lack is life experience or perpective, i am not sure. I have always said what i say is my opinion and nothing more. I have nver claimed to be an expert, i might give suggestions or opinions. Please refer me to the messages where i have claimed to be expert.
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
I suppose all of this is a matter of personal experience. From my experience there are a lot of good people in the world and a smaller number of bad.
As far as yelling at ones spouse. If you do not accept your spouse yelling at you, you should not yell at them. Also human beings are free. If you yell at a grown man you will kill all chances of open dialouge. Judgement and recrimination are not the fruits of a healthy marriage. Also getting in the habit of yelling may lead to a disfunctional household when you have children. Yelling is a loss of control and noone is at their best when they are out of control.
If you yell typically you have done something wrong and may feel sorry after. Then you will be the one applogizing and not them. Kind of turning the tables on yourself. Yelling is not a mature or effective way to communicate. This is not meant to be judgemental, but it is just something I have found to be true.
The Prophet Muhammad (SAWS)killed people with kidness. We should all strive to be like him.
Tawba
on
November 15, 2005
I think raising voices are sometimes inevitable in a heated argument or when emotions are running high. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it gets their attention.
But it totally a personal opinion.
Sometimes if my husband raises his voice or gets grumpy over small things, i can tell someone is bothering him and then i ask him about it, instead of yelling or getting mad back, i can tell he is just upset and he is stressed. He always is happy when i can tell he is stressed and upset and then i react by helping him talk about it and relaxing.
But i agree a shouting match is bad and usually leads nowhere but down. I guess the goal is open dialogue....however it works best...
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
But what about the case where you know or at least have first hand signting of your husband cheating on you, like in Aliah's case. If that happened to me i would be doing some serious shouting, like get out of my house and my life! No need for talking in that case, the marraige is null and void in my eyes at that point. I have very strong convictions and i expect a lot of my husband.
That's why i was saying to yell in that case :-D
Mesmerism is also known as hypnotism and, yes, in Christian Science as animal magnetism. It is practiced today in some circles as NeuroLinguistic Programming. I do not want to scare you, but if you look closely, you will see some do it for very depraved reasons, including date rape (they do not call it that on their teaching pages, of course.)
The other questions will have to be addressed patiently, because we are so ignorant of the abundant blessings Allah has sent down with His prophets. The words conflict, but there is a unifying truth that must be learned. That the Bible has been changed is no excuse not to learn the spiritual facts underlying it. "We don't believe the Bible," say many a young Muslim to me. "Okay," I think, "but understand it." You can do this. Do not think I wish to "convert" you, rather to make reversion to Islam properly unified and sure.
I also have been Dear Miss Informed and Miss Represented as well as Miss Respected and simply missed!
HI JB,
I read your post on the message board. Very interesting though i might not agree with it all.
So are you Muslim now or Christian Science? To me Christianity seems to be the opposite of science, like with the whole creationism vs. evolution debate. It's like it has to be one or the other. I think Islam is cool because it meshes religion and science together in a very logical way. I always had a problem with Christianity becuse i felt the logic behind it was wrong...like how Jesus is Gods son, so he is God, but not God the Father, God the son, and then there is the Hol Sprirt that is supposed to be beside you on earth...I was like ok i cant buy all that, also a buch of people decided on that terminology and the whole trinity thing at the counil of nicea too. I mean Jesus or God never sid anything about the Trinty and people will try to quote some Bible verse saying they do, but to me thats just reaching:)
So for me the Quran makes sense, its not confusing in the way the Bible is, and it is so much more stright forward. Thats how wi see it at least.
As far as the whole mysticism stuff goes, that you were talkign about eariler where people can influence you etc. I think there has to be an "in" for that, meaning the other person has to be open to it and allow that kind of thing in. That's sort of my opinion on demons, i believe in them and i tink that people who go around trying to summon them and talk to the dead, when they go there and are open to letting themselves be influenced by these forces, thats when it happens. Like for ex. i dont think normal healty strong minded people can just become possessed or controlled without their consent. That's my take on it...
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
Sisters thank you for your concern, it brings me great comfort in knowing that there are people out there that care. Sister Tawba, you're the voice of reason it seems, Ambigious as it seems, I would rather not get into the complicated and rather lengthy matter of how my husband and I came to be. You all seem much more knowledgeable in Islam than me - I continue to read as much as I can everyday, but as I've explained before my resources are limited just because of where we live, that's why I turned to my husband for guidance. My husband and I did have an in depth conversation over the weekend and he gave me assurances that indeed he loves me, our baby and wants to remain married to me and promised he has not cheated on me. However, he doesn't feel or see that his actions are wrong. According to him, speaking with these women doesn't mean anything, dressing sexy and wearing cologne to go out doesn't mean he intends on cheating, because afterall he's also hanging out with a fellow muslim brother so they both can't be up to no good...it just all seems so very confusing and contradictory to what I thought being a Muslim is. Imagine my surprise! As I mentioned he introduced this woman to me and simply stated he thought that we could be good friends. This person remains a constant concern for me, these so-called innocent conversations with this married woman. I feel praying is all I can do at this point. I just don't see how he invision my being friends with this person because she is opposite to everything I am and exactly why I reverted. As far as relations with his family, he was an only child, his parents still lives in Jordan and my Christian family did not approve (with exception to my 16 year old brother) so in short, they've cut me off and pretty much feels I'm getting exactly what I deserve because I went against their wishes in this marriage.
Aliah
on
November 15, 2005
What do you mean its all you can do because of where you are? You are in Canada, you have the internet?! You have more resources to information and communication as it gets. you can look all the info. andquestions up you want despite what your husband says, you dont have to go by his version of Islam.... Also, about him going out and dressy sexy and wearing all the cologne...do you actually believe thats ok and it means nothing? Use your brain woman! Wake up and smell the roses! If he acts one way with some people and another way with you, that cant be right.
I am sorry your family turned on you,, i understand you dont have any support from them, but why would you want support for people who will turn on you just because you have decided what religion is true for you. I dont see how you can say you got what you deseved this for changing religions and turning your back on them. If you REALLY believe that you deserve this "punishment", you must be very regretful of your new religion and lifestyle, and you should just convert back. Otherwise you might as well kill yourself.
Administrator: Asalamu Alaikum. To undermine someone in this manner and to speak with anyone in this manner as you've done above are forms of abuse. Please do not speak to people in this way. Being a good Muslimah enjoins respecting ones self in the way one speaks, acts and dresses and so forth. Please enjoin this respect on others and use sincerity and patience to guide inshallah. Wa alaikum salam.
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
Asalamalikum, thanx JB for your feedback and I understand the gist of what you're trying to say. In the Quran it says "I've brought for you a book which corrects and confirms that which was sent before". This refers to the Injil, the book Jesus alaihisalam carried with him, otherwise known as the Bible. The Injil in its purest form was correct until it was later changed and modified by man. The underlying message in the Bible stemmed from the Injil and communicated messages confirmed in the Quran as it was written before and today. The Bible speaks of modest dress, how to act, how to go about your daily life, the 10 commandments, the story of Noah, Jonah and Moses and other root basic messages. So she's trying to say not to reject the Bible all together but to pay attention to the underlying scriptures also confirmed by the Quran. Because of all the man made additions to the book it confuses christians on how to implement the underlying scriptures an leaves them confused. The Quran is a blessing because it confirms and corrects the bible and we have a wonderful prophet muhammad who was a leader and who shows us how to implement it. Thanx JB
Curious Niqabi
on
November 15, 2005
Sister Aminah, no I said that they (my family) feels this is what I deserve. I don't feel that way at all and I have no regrets about my new religion.
Aliah
on
November 15, 2005
Ok i didnt realy mean to kill yourself, but i am trying to make a point. :) You said what could those two men both be up to at the club?? I could think of a lot of things...and maybe hes gay with this guy. :)
How do you know your husband didnt just get out of jail in Jordan or something which is why he wanted to come over here so bad...also assuming hes actually from Jordan, also assuming hes already married to many women or men in other countries..
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
Curious Niqabi,
That is exactly what i said when i posted. There was an original book from Jesus' time however the "bible" was compiled and the council of nicea. I am glad to see you re-post exactly what i said before.
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
Oh Sister Aminah, come on. I went to Jordan to get married in the first place. He's not gay. And his behaviour is not ok, that's why I'm on here complaining about it - I just feel I needed my Sisters to back me up on this. Yes, I have the internet, but it's a terribly lonely feeling - so that's why I said, all I do is pray to Allah and hope this will pass.
Aliah
on
November 15, 2005
I just dont see how his behaviour is excusable to you. How can you get past him cheating on you. You dont have to actually have sex with someone else to cheat, its also mental. And going to clubs and brinign the women back to meet you, i mean come on! You need to really do something. Sitting and praying and being meek isnt always the answer. I am not saying not to pray, but there is a point where you gotta take action, and take charge of your life. You arent helpless, and the only wany to get urself out of a bad sitution is to take charge of your life and not let things happen "to" you.
Aminah from USA
on
November 15, 2005
Sister Aminah, I wish I could express enough how difficult it would be for me to just walk away or just give up for so many reasons. And no, cheating is not excusable you're absolutely right, and yes it is also mental. But how do I justify these accusations when he has already told me it was not the case? Where I am conflicted, is what if he is innocent as he claims, let Allah be the judge and maybe it's her that's throwing herself at him or being flirtatious? Remember, my brother said they were in a parking lot of the club - not the club - my husband says he went to the convenience store in the same plaza to buy cigarettes and he simply said hello to the her (who happens to be the wife of one of his other friends). I'm so wrapped in doubt but I so desperately want to believe him. I haven't read the whole Quran or Hadith and I don't know everything, so quoting references to him is difficult for me and he knows it. I chose Allah for me and only me, and I chose a Muslim husband because I thought he would be different and Muslim men stand well above the rest in my mind, it's just very disappointing. Yes indeed I knew little about him, but any doubts I had dissipated after I met his family and saw what a great Islamic example they were to him, I expected no less from him.
Aliah
on
November 15, 2005
Alia, being that you've already been to jordan and saw his family and how they implemented the religion, I too would have assumed the same from him too. Maybe you heard the expression that "prayer is better than sleep"..in Islam, so you're doing the right thing and holding fast to prayer. You now will have a son or daughter so its so important to build yourself in Islam so that you can be a good example for them. Don't let your disappointment and your urges to communicate them overcome your duty to Islam. So you reverted for yourself, so keep going sis, and don't let this keep you down. Get to know other muslim Sisters in your community and who knows..maybe you'll meet a friend here. May Allah s.w.t. give you patience and increased iman inshallah. My last advice to you is do whatever you can to build yourself financially and socially. Get your drivers licence, if you don't have one..and take care of yourself and visit the mosque often inshallah. Prayer is the best remedy for any hardship:)
Curious Niqabi
on
November 15, 2005
My heart fills with tears and helps for the wayward husband's lady. Men important to me have been similarly involved, to leave out details. You have a jihad right there with unbelievers. One of the first things I did upon reverting was take mine as bondsmen. They certainly act like slaves, and respond well under the new arrangement, though I do not remind them of it often. (I could not do this if I was any more unrighteous myself). Fortunately, the men around me are steeped in Christian scripture which teach the proper spirit of marriage, including unselfed love in the man, and quiet submission in the wife. But do not make a god of your mates, ladies! They are Allah's Bondsmen. If they are breaking divine rules, DO NOT SUBMIT. Rather you must command them, IMO, and can do so safely if you know who you are, really. Earnestly seek what the Koran tells us about relating to such persons, and pray to obey these commands wisely. Are you denouncing threats to them about what they are earning? you are clear of his work, and he of yours. When they revert to actual obedience to Allah, then they are filling their office properly as head of household. This is my experience; adapt what you will to straighten your path. If I read many more stories as your, I will be tempted to ask the God of heaven and earth to send husbands reminders of thier duties*. But Muslims I am ashamed are so ignorant, even deprived of what the sincere Christian man is required to know and live (they are not quite there yet, but they're working on it, and have many good social tools becoming available). It surprised me to see the men at the mosque help themselves to the food before the women during iftar on my first Ramadan. Unselfishness and putting others (women, children, the weak) first is a prophet's commandment, if they were allowed to know it. I was also surprised the children did not get to go first at the food tables, but perhaps I am mistaken. The prophets of old were terrrorists like no other after them. I have seen a few signs I hesitate (for security's sake) to publish, along the lines of ancient times. Most people, however, are eager to tell me I am crazy.
Certainly I am not the only one Miss Taken?
*Yet I suppose it is time for patient and tender mercy. These qualities, BTW, are what you can interpret in the Bible when you see the word Father. It denotess the loving pitiful relationship, not the idolatrous creation of a material "human god". Forgive, forgive, forgive, is the righteous command of the prophet from Nazareth (Jesus).
Miss Taken
on
November 15, 2005
Aren't embroidered, sequenced embellished shaylas and frilly hijabs haram? In dressing modestly and conservatively, I thought we must also not try to be fashion savvy or trendy in our appearance.
Aliah
on
November 15, 2005
salams Alia, from my own experience I don't feel I'm any less protected no matter what material or color I wear...like its not like wearing peacock feathers or something so that it sends a message that you're wearing a stylish headress rather than a hijab. I think the degree at which you're protected by hijab depends on what country you're in. if you wear anything other than black in saudi arabia you'd be seen as an idolater or something..but in USA or Canada, the nonmuslims just get freaked out by the fact you have a hijab on your hair and will put their good behaviour in check. Perhaps others have experienced difference but bieng in USA i've seen no difference.
Curious Niqabi
on
November 15, 2005
I've even thought to myself that what if the non-muslims get used to hijab and they start treating us like anyone else??? I think i'd be looking for a website called The Canadian Niqab..and if niqab don't work..ill walk in the streets dress in a cardboard box..whatever it takes ladies:))
Curious Niqabi
on
November 15, 2005
Asalamu alaikum, sisters. I am so grateful to Allah for you, but I think I must BEGIN TO leave the discussion for now. The straight way (also known as the strait gate) also lies in Christian Science for me. It is a Science of Spirit, not matter, and you will see this when you study it devotedly enough to heal the sick. What we call Islam today is full of material misinterpretations, and they are harmful to my walk. But I shall return, for I love my dear sisters, and see many are understanding. Thank you, C.Naqabi, you gave a very good summary of what I was trying to say. I feel understood and appreciated. And, yes, which of you said that one has to be open to those inFLUences, in order to have them effect you? This is true, but many of us are ignorant of how to defend our thinking. Condemning Christianity outright is not a help in learning its great benefits. Warding off evil is something every Muslim must do, and Christian Science (not to mistaken at all for materialistic sciences, so-called) is a great way to do this, but requires strict discipline that the schools do not allow. Do not expect my writings to teach this Science to you, for I am dealing at the level of breaking through the built up opinions. The pure Science is in the books. I saw this light shining from the Arabic books at the mosque last week, and the emam informed me, to my delight, what was in there. I developed my God-given ability to see such light, and entertain angels, from Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy. It shows how one may read the Bible (yes, the current compilation - the King James version) to get the spiritual facts (but it helps to be familiar with the original language, Hebrew especially). Mrs. Eddy, I now am convinced after studying the Koran, was Muslim, but could not admit it for safety's sake. She obviously read the 1730's George Sale English translation, and was wise enough to strip away the calumnous commentary that seemed obligatory for whites in that day. How stupid is racism! Sale does a fine job translating the Arabic, IMO, but was influenced (mesmerized) by the common thinking against the Prophet, and wrapped his work in some of it, although others believed he had reverted when they saw the accuracy of his work. Listen, dear sisters, there is calumny about every righteous messanger, and MB Eddy is no exception. I invite you to this excellent religion, but do not leave our precious Islam. So-called C. Scientists need you just as you are, especially the more obedient Muslimah's wearing modest dress and hijab. Westerners have been lied to, and stolen from, so be both bold and patient with us. There are some in the CS church who do not understand the truth about Islam and it's great Prophet and are ready with a knee-jerk reaction to reject it. Others today are publishing and presenting themselves on behalf of the church in a style that does not suit the purity of heart required to stay on the narrow path. Do not be angry with them; that is a mistake. Look at http://www.aequus.org for a simple copy of the textbook that provides the healing interpretation of the Bible. It is sect-free edition, which is a requirement for Muslims. It is the plain version, where others would like to decorate their publications with sequins, etc. I am for the plain hijab myself when going out, but I always felt that way since my early adulthood, and have been around the plain churches. Decorate thyself at home, if you must, but shun to draw attention to yourselves around town. That seems to be the true Christian practice, and the Koran has answered many such questions and confirmed my practical hopes. I am up tonight because an angel stirred my conviction to keep the night watch, as required by the Prophet Mohammad. This time, as I sleepily drew out my prayer rug, I remembered the prophet Isa's (Jesus') strong insistance that we watch in the night. Oh, you who are not with child, do be careful to keep this practice, for the angels whispered those who do so will avoid griefhood. Thank you again, sisters. I leave you with a firm warning to come out from materialistic interpretions of being. They are dangerous to you. Inshaalah, one more post or two, then I best be getting back to my business. Peace, Jocah
PS. Sorry I do not know the abbreviations to indicate proper reverence to Allah and his messengers. I feel it in my heart, though. Wa alaikum salam.
Jesus the prophet greets his disciples with Peace be unto you in Luke 24:36, John 20:19, John 20:21, John 20:26
I hope to meet some of you by email, phone, or face to face (or niqab to niqab) someday!
Jocah
on
November 16, 2005
Sallam Aliah,
I agree that for some reason your husband has become to some on this blog as the embodiement of all the flaws of mankind:) I think that we all need to enhale and exhale a little.
About the accusations, in Islam suspicion is a bad bad thing. If someone is spying on a person and views a sin, the spying is worse. (not about your bro. I know he just happened to see your husband). But just to illustrate that we as Muslims are not suppose to be fault-finders. If we see something we do not understand or seems bad even in passing, we should 'take the best construction'. This means assume the best.
I have a perfect hadith for you. I just read it yesterday. One of the prophets wives (a young lady) was traveling with the Prophet SAWS and the sahabah. She went out in the bush to relieve herself. When she was walking back she noticed her necklace was gone. She went back to search for it, when she came back everyone was gone. They lifted up her carriage and thought she was in it:) she was so light-weight. They did not discover that she was gone. As she sat there waiting and hoping someone would find her, she fell asleep. A man of the Shabah saw her, I believe it was Abu Talib, he made his camel sit down, so that she could ride the camel while he walked in front carrying the lead. When they caught up with the group, she left and went about her normal routine. Later she found out that a handful of men had made a bad rumor about her (an accusation). She cried and cried until she became ill. The Prophet SAWS treated it like any other accusation he asked his people closest to him what they knew of her. What he discovered is that she that her only known fault was sleeping and letting the dough get eaten by sheep and the accusations were baseless. In the end, the men who made the accusation were punished and she remained the Prophets wife.
In Islam adultery/fornication is a serious accusations that can only be proven under the most unlikely of cases and requires three witnesses.
Suspicion and accusations are dangerous and can ruin marriages and friendships. All most all of the most low and evil things perpetrated by mankind were fueled by this: the Salem witch trials, the Inquistion, and even the Holocaust.
I would not bring these things into any relationship I value.
Tawba
on
November 16, 2005
I decided to start posting about Adab (Islamic Manners.
I will do some research and post what I find about male and female interaction. I will also post some items I find about how to give advice, the respect we should show each other, and even some small details of mannerisms. I need a refresher and I think reading these will help all of us.
Tawba
on
November 16, 2005
I dont see how that Hadith has much to do with Aliah's situation. There is a huge difference, which is her husband is clearly derssing up and going out to clubs. This was never denied by him. That in itself is being unloyal to one's wife, and hanging out with married women from a club. The intentions one has to have to do these actions, are only bad things. Actions speak louder than words. The accusation is him cheating on her by having sex with other women, we dont know this for sure but we know he is hanging out/dating with them at the club. I dont know if any of you have been to clubs but I have, and NOTHING even close to goo EVER goes on there. Its a meat market where men try to get women drunk to get in their pants, that what clubs are for!!
The woman in the Hadith, who went to the bathroom and her caravan left her because of a rumor spread about her, i dont see has any respemblace to her husband. Her husband IS actually doing something very sketchy, and has admitted to it.
Sisters, please see this situation for what it is. REgardless of details, what he is doing is ALREADY VERY wrong, him having sex with other women or whatever else he might be doing only adds to the list of bad things he is doing and would only make him an EVEN worse husband. He is already cheating on her by going to clubs with the intentions he has...NO ONE goes to a club with good "HALAL" inentions, clubs are the opposite of what HALAL is.
Aminah from USA
on
November 16, 2005
What breaks my heart the most is seeing a good and changed woman like Aliah, who has turned her back on her former life and even is willing to give up her family for her new way of life. It takes a tremdous amount of strength and will to do this. Aliah, you are truely amazing, you changed your life. Most peopel can't or arent able to accomplish this. Most people stay on the same path of sin and don't look inward and asses their lives as you have done.
It hurts me to see this great woman trapped in a marraige with a man that represents all the things she has changed from and works everyday to stay aaway from, he brings these women into her Halal home! This is unexcusable. He is spitting in the face of everything she stands for and prays for everyday. I have very strong convictions of this matter and things of this nature. This is just wrong waht he is doing. Aliah, i am very sorry. :( I prayed for you last night. You have none or few friens and are new on this path and the only support you are getting is negative support from an non-Muslim acting husband. I have gone through a similar situation, i am telling you from my heart, and YOU NEED SUPPORT, not jsut from the internet but realy people there with you, and the negativeness comeing from him will only hurt you. This makes me very sad because i can imagine what you are feeling, i have been in a VERY similar situation.
You have to do something...
Aminah from USA
on
November 16, 2005
Aminah Muslims are suppose to actively seack to unite each other not to divide each other. I do not like the way in which the last post was written. How can you be more outraged than the sister who asked for our advise? Do you believe that from the short synopsis you recieved regarding this situation that you know the situation so much better than the one living it.
I do not know all the details, but I do know that I trust Eliah's judgement.
Tawba
on
November 16, 2005
Hi Tawba,
I do beleive she needs support, thats why i said" You have none or few friens and are new on this path and the only support you are getting is negative support from an non-Muslim acting husband. I have gone through a similar situation, i am telling you from my heart, and YOU NEED SUPPORT, not jsut from the internet but realy people there with you, and the negativeness comeing from him will only hurt you."
I do not claim to know her situation better, but there is this very evil thing called DENIAL, and it is VERY common esp. when you are in the situation yourself. Sometimes people can't or don't want to see the truth and reality that is their life, esp. if it might be bad.
Do you understand what i am saying?
Aminah from USA
on
November 16, 2005
To Tawba,
Also i am not outraged, i said it breaks my heart. I am a little frustrated maybe because it sort of seems to me that she might not be seeig things for what they really are.
I know a lot about psychology...and i have lived it as well, and when someone says her husband does what Aliah's does, and then she (Aliah) also said, "he is going to the club with another Muslim brother and i guess they BOTH cant be up to no good." THAT screams she is in denial of what may actually be happening.
Aminah from USA
on
November 16, 2005
To All:
Please re-read my post to/about Aliah.. i don't thnk you understood what i was saying exactly.
Try to understand it is coming from a place that is concerned and very upset "on behalf of" what is happening to a GOOD woman.
Aminah from USA
on
November 16, 2005
Saying someone needs support and then treating them like they do not have a wit of common sense can be construed as being negative.
You seem to be projecting your past situations on her.
This is not a television talk show, where we encourage yelling and effusive emotional displays. This is real life, a full multi-dimensial life and we are not even seeing one full side of Aliah's situation.
I used to be a very judgemental person, I demanded that everything was black and white / right and wrong. Eventually I saw that life, situations, and people are highly complex. Nothing is cut and dry sometimes we just do the best we can.
If I were to encourage Aliah to take drastic measures like having a verbal shouting match with her husband or divorcing him. I could be held responsible on the day of judgement If I am wrong. If I encourage her to engage in dialouge, assess the situation for herself, to make sure that they work as a team. If I am wrong there will be no sin on my hands because I enjoined what Allah asked me to enjoin. I am not All Knowing only Allah is and I can only work within the rules of conduct he has given me. Please ingest what others are saying and not move it aside like rubbish in the path. Any human being should consider the point of view of others they profess to respect. If one is not perfect they can be corrected by other people. I am telling you this to help you not to hurt you.
Assalamu Alaikum (Peace be Upon you)
Tawba
on
November 16, 2005
Aslaamu alaikum ya Tawba and you bring some beautiful advice to this blog and thank you for that. Persevere in patience and prayer and inshallah everything will turn out for the best, inshallah Jazakallhu khairan and wa alaikum salam!
Sister Deneer
on
November 16, 2005
Hi Tawba,
Let's just get something clear...
I respect other people, in that they have every right to be alive and think what they want, and do what they want because they are human beings. They have every right to post on this board and say what they wish, its freedom of speech. I dont have to respect you or what you say, but i respect your right to be alive and to say it. --Thats what freedom is.
Aminah from USA
on
November 16, 2005
There is a simple differnce in opinion between you (and maybe othere) and me...
1. Where you say to her" If I encourage her to engage in dialouge, assess the situation for herself, to make sure that they work as a team."
2.I say, divorce him, period. Because its cheating, and to me that means its over. I could no longer look at my husband or the relationship the same.
Aminah from USA
on
November 16, 2005
I beg to differ Aminah. You do have an obligation to respect me as a sister. I really feel a lot of hostility from you and see that you have some unresolved issues. You brush Hadith aside, you do not seem to have any fear of Allah in the way you communicate. You do not portray any regard for anyones ideas other than your own.
Your knowledge is not profound we all know what goes on at a Club, it is common knowledge. We also know that Aliah has said repeatedly that her brother saw her husband in the general area of a club.
I advice you to become a scholar, to know your religion. If you post an opinion that defers from what I have studied I will only consider it if its posted with a Hadith or Quran quote. So far you have been a negative force in this group and have really brought the light of this Blog down a couple of watts.
You are suppose to be giving Dawah with your words, If a non-Muslim read your posts they could assume, that Muslims are arrogant and coarse people,that judge first and ask questions later. I am appauled and in disbelief that you seem to be using some version of your own ethics; based on past experiences, other religions, and street 'smarts'. You are Muslim now you no longer need to take wild stabs in the dark. Why would anyone listen to your Islamic advice if the way you present it isnt even Islamic? I am sad to take this to this level, but you do not seem to grasp subtilty. No wonder your husband has to stoop to the very base behavior of yelling to get a message to you. Maybe if you could sense what others are saying to you and understand you would be greeted with less hostility in your life.
My guess is you have pushed many a loved one and friend out of your life. You are pushing people away.
Tawba
on
November 16, 2005
Hello. Aliah congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope you have a beautiful and healthy child. I am sorry that you are having problems with your husband, I really hope that they get better and perhaps it is the novelty of being in a new country and having the complete freedom to do what he wishes which is making him act as he is. I am sure he doesn't mean to hurt you and probably isn't even aware he is. Have faith in him and your love. I hope things work out, I am getting married in January to a man from Jordan as well, and as I was reading about the problems you are having I started to become a little worried. Especially because we plan to live here in Canada after we get married, and I don't want him to lose who he is just because he is now in the western world. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong.
Savannah
on
November 16, 2005
Tawba,
Please get off your high horse!
My husband does not yell at me.
No i am not polite, and perhaps i got carried away, but the situation calls for something more. I dont think you understand where I am coming from.
Something VERY bad is happeneing to one of our Musimah sisters! and a child is involved and adultery is occuring. So to me, when you sit by and tell Aliah to go pray about her problems, it seems to me you dont care or arent that concerned. Its easy to tell someone its ok, and to pray about it.
If your actual blood relative sister, was in this situation, would you just tell her to go pray about it??!! Is that how you treat your sisters? If your sister's husbandr was seen around clubs dressed up with other men, even if the husband wasnt intending to have sex with other women, what is he doing there in the first place?
If you are correct, and our relgion says we should just sit by and allow this to happen and not try do somethng about it,(by explaing to her whats going on and her options) all in the name of politeness, Then Pehaps it is your interpretation of our religion is flawed.
Aminah from USA
on
November 16, 2005
Let us agree to disagree. I agree with Tawba and you can't force people into your way of thinking. Just take it easy, I'm sure you have your own problems to worry about. Agree to disagree no explain anymore k?
Curious Niqabi
on
November 16, 2005
Salam to all of you, it has been a long time since I last was able to post, and I missed a lot of interesting discussions. To Aliah: A marriage arranged in this way is risky. However, to assume the best, as sister Tawbah points out, unfortunately in Jordan and other Arab countries many men think it is their right to have some fun on the side, and that makes them more "male". Bad and unislamic misconception, however, culturally, it is there. If you love your husband, you should tell him that if he values you, he should give up what he is doing because Islamically it is just wrong. However, give it time. Discuss the point in indirect ways. Evaluate him in a comprehensive way. Just because someone has a serious fault, you can't stop considering all his good sides too. Preserve your interests, that's not only your right, but your duty before Allah to yourself.
Aminah
on
November 16, 2005
My ISLAMIC husband has told me to remind you all, that Sharia law says adultry is a cardinal sin punishable by death. "Fun on the side"...is what you call it. You people are spineless.What about trust..loyalty? What is marraige to you people? He is not your roommate, he is your husband.I think you all deserve all your unhappiness. I am not posting here anymore, and i wish you all the best in posting and wallowing in your own misery.Salaam!
Administrator: Asalamu alaikum. This abuse will no longer be tolerated in in this blog and it is unacceptable because is offensive to our readers. If you continue to post messages they will be deleted. Wa alaikum salam.
Aminah from USA
on
November 16, 2005
Thanx Admin! She's still a beginner in her reversion to Islam and still integrates her non-muslim way of thinking which she felt was correct while she wasn't Muslim. Islam is all about worship to Allah, community, family, sincerity, respect, self-restraint, patience, structure and a lot of other wonderful things. But when you go into vain talk, rage, jealousy, revenge, sarchasm this a result of following the evil whisperings of the shaytan and misguided jinn.
Mariam
on
November 17, 2005
189. Separating oneself from Muslims
398. Anas ibn Malik reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Do not hate one another nor envy one another nor shun one another. Slaves of Allah, be brothers! It is not lawful for a Muslim to refuse to speak to his brother (Muslim) for more than three nights."
399. Abu Ayyub, the Companion of the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "It is not lawful for anyone to cut himself off from his Muslim brother for more than three nights so that when they meet, one of them turns his face away in avoidance and the other one turns his face away as well. The better of them is the one who initiates the greeting."
400. Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Do not hate one another nor contend with one another. Slaves of Allah, be brothers."
401. Anas reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Two people do not love each other in Allah Almighty or in Islam if the first wrong action that one of them does creates a split between them."
402. Hisham ibn 'Amir al-Ansari, the nephew of Anas ibn Malik whose father was killed in the Battle of Uhud, that he heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, "It is not lawful for a Muslim to snub another Muslim for more than three nights. As long as they are cut off from each other, they are turning away from the Truth. The first of them to return to a proper state has his expiation for that inasmuch as he was the first to return to a proper state. if they die while they are cut off from each other, neither of them will ever enter the Garden. If one of them greets the other and he refuses to return the greeting or accept his greeting, then an angel returns the greeting to him and Shaytan answers the other."
Tawba
on
November 17, 2005
I know that we have all had some unpleasant exchanges with Aminah USA. However I really do not want to cut her off. If Aminah was here in my community. I would continue to talk with her. I feel that as a Muslim sister I owe her that much. Of cours its the administrators job to decide what happens.
Aminah I think that you have a lot of good qualites that we have not seen because of the way the Internet works: cant see you, hear your tone, or anything. I will have are your words and I take your words as being very important. I do not take them lightly.
The way Islam works is that we are ALWAYS learning from each other. None of us will ever know everthing. I have been corrected a lot of times and I just say Alhumdulilah thank you for caring enough to tell me (As told to us by Muhammad).
The reason why we give advice is not to put people in check or make them look bad. The bottom line is we are suppose to care about each others life and hereafter. We want our sisters to be in peace.
Its not a slam dunk to separate Muslims, it is a sin. Did you know that it is okay to lie to bring husband and wife together and to bring friends together? If you would like further explaination I can tell you more about that. We all have our areas where we have studied more about one thing or another its not a personal attack.
Also I think that you do owe an apology to the group because of the way you put your point across especially in the last post. The Prophet received his message from Allah and knew he was right all the time and always was respectful of everyone.
I apologize if I have offended anyone here. May Allah guide us.
Tawba
on
November 17, 2005
I thought it would be nice if I could post some information on Adab and then we can all comment on them and how they can apply in real life. The Hadiths are all Sahih Bukhari
130. The wrong action of someone who gives his brother misguided advice
259. Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Anyone who attributes words to me which I did noy say should take his seat in the Fire. Anyone who gives his Muslim brother misguided advice when he consults has betrayed him. If anyone gives a fatwa which is not firm, the wrong action of that rests on the one who gave the fatwa."
130. The wrong action of someone who gives his bro
on
November 17, 2005
323. Asma' bint Yazid reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Shall I tell you who is the best of you?" "Yes,," they replied. He said, "Those who remind you of Allah when you see them." He went on to say, "Shall I tell you who is the worst of you?" "Yes," they replied. He said, "Those who go about slandering, causing mischief between friends in order to separate them, and desiring to lead the innocent into wrong action.
250. Slander (Section)
on
November 17, 2005
473. Anas ibn Malik reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Make things easy and do not make things difficult. Calm people and do not arouse their aversion."
220. Calming
on
November 17, 2005
464. Abu'd-Darda' reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Whoever has been given his portion of compassion has been given his portion of good. Whoever is denied given his portion of compassion has been denied his portion of good. Good character will be the weightiest thing in the believer's balance on the Day of Rising. Allah hates a coarse, foul-mouthed person."
466. Anas reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "If there is roughness in anything it is bound to disgrace it. Allah is compassionate and loves compassion."
217. Compassion
on
November 17, 2005
131. Love between people
260. Abu Hurayra that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "By the One in whose hand my soul is, you will not enter the Garden until you submit. You will not submit until you love one another. Extend the greeting to one another and you will love one another. Beware of hatred, for it is the razor. I do not tell you that it shaves the hair, but it shaves away the deen."
131. Love Between People
on
November 17, 2005
Sallam those are some of the Hadiths I found about Adab. I love Hadith and because of my reading I found a lot of things that affected me personally. I like the fact that when Allah tells us he doesnt like a certain behavior we can submit to what Allah says and change. Then we can earn his pleasure. The pleasure of is the best thing to me and I realized lately that because it is the best prize it should take more work than any other wordly type goals. Well I hope this leads to a good discussion.
Tawba Again:)
on
November 17, 2005
Sisters you will also enjoy this wonderful site www.iprofess.com - especially for the new Muslim. Many Quranic references on Marriage, Adab, etc.
Aliah
on
November 17, 2005
I really like that site too.
Tawba
on
November 17, 2005
Sister Aliah it is extremely disconcerting to hear about your husband's behaviour. Especially in times where the world is looking at us under a microscope and are looking for every opportunity to blame Islam for wrong doings. Young Sister, I advise you, this behaviour as is unexceptable both Islamically and morally. A Muslim should know better and should be an example to fellow Muslims. You seem to be always coming back with the same question again and again Sister, so I'll spell it out for you clearly. Dressing in revealing clothing is strictly forbidden for both men and women, Allah is very clear in which way he requires us to act, dress and live - irregardless of your gender. There is no justification for his behaviour towards you. Therefore if he calls himself a Muslim; he must not smoke, he must not have relations with women, he must not wear revealing clothing and perfume, and he must not go out clubbing or "hanging out". He must repent immediately and ask Allah to be merciful if he ever wishes to see Paradise. Sisters we must enforce the will of Allah even with our husbands, these are issues we must not compromise or accomodate.
Aslaamu alaikum
on
November 17, 2005
Salamun alaikum sisters. First I wish local time of posting were also mentioned, because then all of you could see that I am forced to post between 6 and 7 am, due to the fact that the blog will NOT LOAD to the end later than that. I requested this once before and I do it again: Dear administrator, please make a new page. In my last comment to/about Aliah, I did not mean to excuse her husband. As I clearly stated, this is unislamic behaviour. Only, we have to understand the cultural context of WHY our spouses act in a certain way to be able to deal with their actions in a good way. That does not mean that their actions are acceptable or anything, they aren't, and eventually we have to make it clear that either they change, or ..... please, also keep in mind that we here in the so-called Islamic world (believe me, sisters, you in the West are infinitely more free to live by the real commands of Islam than we are) there just IS NO "or ...." for the great majority of women. I think sister Aliah has a long, long way to go. I would like to know from where she is originally. If you are American, sister Aliah, I mean of American, e.g. Western origins, how come you conceded to an arranged marriage? How come you did not feel that it is necessary to get acquainted with your husband? How come all you discussed before marriage were the practicalities of your husband coming to Canada (or the US? Doesn't matter in fact which one)? Did you not feel that you need to know how the person you want to spend the rest of your life with thinks and feels about life? Sister Aliah, I lived in the Islamic world all my adult life, after marrying a Muslim when I was 20. I am German, the sisters who are longer on this blog know, and I am 52 and a grandmother. I can tell you, sister Aliah, contrary to what you perhaps believe, most people in this part of the world are not very good Muslims. Many sisters who post on this blog are much, much more serious about their Islam. May Allah reward you all. Also, society is anything but Islamic. Many, many things are wrong here, different things from the ones that are wrong in the West, but nevertheless, they are wrong. Sister Aliah, why did your husband want to come to the West so badly? Mostly, the more religious people want to stay where they are, except if they have an absolutely intolerable economic situation. Sister Aliah, please be aware that there are people in this world, even in the Islamic countries, who are capable of lying and playacting in a very comprehensive way and on a daily basis, and ready to do so. While keeping the cultural sensivities and realities that MIGHT influence your husband in mind, I think you should make it fairly clear that you won't tolerate this behaviour, that it is wrong, that you did not become a Muslim to put up with such crap, and that contrary to what he may believe and have taught you, Islam does NOT require you to submit to wrong things. "No obedience to a created being in disobedience to the creator." What your husband does will lead to haram things, if he is not already doing haram things, and you do not need, more, you are not entitled to stand by and watch. You have to tell him, this is wrong. The question is HOW. As sister Tawbah pointed out very correctly, not by yelling, even if you feel like it. I think it is very, very necessary that you get involved with a mosque or Islamic center, where he can be among good Muslim brothers, who dress and behave as they should. Where is the nearest mosque? Ask him to drive over at least once a week. That will deprive him of time to pursue his untoward inclinations. Tell him you are a new Muslim, and need to be among Muslim sisters, that you need to make friends. That you need books and sermons and discussions and lessons, so that you understand more about Islam. Do not trust in him all the time to "guide" you, with his behaviour!!!! See, if a man has absolute power over a woman, and that's what your husband has now, the shaitan will wisper many things into his ear. Try to save your marriage, by all means. Perhaps he just got overwhelmed with all the new things, the new temptations in fact, and without any social control. Establish contacts that will act as a control factor. But be aware that maybe, just maybe, you might reach the limit. It is definitely NOT an option to let him continue like this. To sister Aminah, my namesake: Sisters, this girl seems to have gone through a lot, and she is still very young. Forgive her if she gets worked up, it seems to be part of her personality, but she cares. Please, do let her post on this blog. Censoring should be left for the most serious offenses, like dissipating messages with immoral content. Sister Aminah, you say you are not polite. Please, be aware that Islam requires you to be polite. And your husband is right. Illicit sexual relationships are punishable by death. However, they need to be proved, and do you know the requirements of such proof???? VERY difficult to meet. Why? So as to protect people from slander. Aliah's husband is doing things that might lead to a grave sin. Maybe he has committed it, maybe not, we do not know, and as long as we do not know, we have to suppose he did not. Allah has to judge him, not we. Have a blessed Friday.
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